52 Days

Mountain Pose progress!

Still working on locking my right kicker whilst keeping left standing locked! 

Standing Bow was beautiful today. John's class filled with giggleasanas, as usual. 

Did NOT want to practice today. So very fecking glad I did! 

Day 29

Training Day, after class. 

Day 28 September Challenge

That'd be locked knees, both sides, two days in a row. 

I've missed Steve's voice! Reminders to ask my body what it has available today, that I'm stronger than I think, to finish strong -because I'm worthy. 

Need to polish my postures, less depth focus and more detail focus. 

Day 27 September Challenge

Day 25 September Challenge

Big conversations of avoiding the studio, big talk of staying home, again! Of course, Miss Kacie led me exactly where I needed to go. Tough practice, always when I let the monkey have too many free days, and I made it ev'pose, ev'time. 

Day 22 September Challenge

I am comforted knowing I only need to nail this posture on one side. I can relax and let my right kicker maintain its own pace. So very close. I shall likely kick left in both Standing Bow and Head to Knee in competition. Grace, ya know, is easier with fewer turns. And my right knee is so good at locking when balanced upon. 

I love when I get distracted with the timer on! 

I love how calm I am about being photographed (and published!) in this position, in these clothes, with that relaxed belly. 

I love that I can release my fear of being forced to squat like this to make room for my belly. 

I love leaving my bullshit on a sweat soaked towel after 90 minutes (or, like today 2.5 hours) in the Torture Chamber. 

Wait for it...

I love me. 

Day 16 September Challenge

Today's practice with Mr John was filled with the giggleasana I needed! 

Tired, stiff, achey, not enough calories, powered thru 4:30pm. 

Legs nearly locked in Padahastasana, and that's only pose 3. 

Day 15 September Challenge

9 am practice, plus 11 am training. 

Day 14 September Challenge

Whew. Kick ass 7am with Miss Elizabeth. A room filled with teachers always shifts the energy in the room, it a positive & strong way. Every pose, every time. 

Then, this happened. Elbows bent & knee stayed locked. My right side kick is millimeters from locked! This progress is inspiring me to really train, in earnest, for the regional competition. I actually said the words: I think I'll compete. 45 years old, what do I have to lose? *deep breath* 

Standing Head to Knee

Standing Bow

Floor bow

Stretching 

Rabbit 

2 poses of my choice 

Training tomorrow after 9am practice. I am excited. 

Day 13 September Challenge

Miss Jeannie led me thru a serious kick in my pants tonight! Mind whining, flesh able — IF YOU CAN YOU MUST — I powered through like she expects. Like the mean gramma, who demands the best of you and whom you're eager to please. Yeah, I need better words than mean gramma, she's Burgess Merideth to my Rocky. That's it. 

Every pose, every time. 

And I got called out for smoking. Quitting is imperative. 

Day 9 September Challenge

I knew something was missing :) 

Day 11 September Challenge

Beautiful Opus Dei with Leslie tonight. Formerly an oxymoron, just one more stolen story at the Bikram studio <g> Quiet, softly lit, we sweated our hearts out in earnest. 

I had two breakthroughs: briefly bent elbows while left kicker remained strong & locked AND a brief mo' with right kicker slipping into lock position. As soon as I noticed, I squeed & fell out of pose! 

Still, personal best! Go me! 

Day 8 September Challenge

Counting today as a double. Strong practice with Miss Elizabeth this morning, every pose, every time. Followed by training practice for about an hour. Whew. It's goon a be great. 

Day 7, September Challenge

Making progress on my Right Kick; I can feel the need to relax and breathe into my kick. Trust. I know I have the physical ability, I need to BELIEVE I have the ability, *in that moment* of kicking. 

7am was an odd shift from my afternoon/evening practice; more endurance, less flexibility. Miss Elizabeth does a great job of forcing my mind into the present. Practicing next to Mr Steve was good inspiration, I thanked him for his telepathic encouragement :) Finish Strong! Ask Your Body What It's Got Today! You Never Know! (Teachers have the best yoga ear worms of encouragement) 

Tomorrow is double duty, 9 am practice & 11am training. 5+2 (Standing Head-to-Knee is one of the 5 compulsory poses, two are yogi choice) I am so excited! I need to EAT & EAT CLEAN & A WHOLE FUCKTON to train properly. Did I mention my excitement? 

Day 5 September Challenge

I did not want the yoga today. No how, no way. So I dragged my crabbyass to 6:30 practice, retribution for listening to the grumpy mcgrumbles all day.Leslie led us, quite gently, through the rough & humid practice. The monkey minds were rowdy and drunker than usual, her compassion was inspiring and welcome. I finally stayed in the room! Only sat out one set of standing separate leg head-to-knee, to soothe the voices screaming about sweat up my nose. 

To make matters magic, coaching through standing head-to-knee brought big progress towards full expression. She mentioned the very important grip, at the ball of the foot, allowing the heel to propel forward & the toes to point back. Viola! First instance of locked left kicking leg (photo is mirrored) Upside down L like Linda :) 

Five days. In a row. Go me.

Day 4 September Challenge

Miss Kim for the 4:30 practice today. Less intense than days 1-3, still incredibly intense. Will be reverting to mornings to see if there's a shift for me. Left again, though after busting my ass during the first half! 

Asked for coaching on Standing Head-to-Knee, I want kicking leg locked by month's end. I have the physical ability, I know it, just need to hush that chatter! Also working on Standing Separate Leg Head-to-Knee -- ha! Both back rounding poses! Belly in! Belly in! Belly in! Confronting the last belly issues with these bellybutton focusing poses :) Good! 

Day 3 September Challenge

Miss Kim!!! I did the Opus Dei 6:30 pm practice. Not sure what I did to deserve such flagellation, however, I survived. Again. Left the room (again), dunked head in cold water, refilled bottle and got my ass back to work. 10% complete. Damn. 

Sixty Days: Days 40 & 41

Combining days, as I had a mere 11 hours between classes. Both sessions led by C.
Thursday night's highlight was confronting my own self talk. Chatter began: tired, too few calories, can't, can't can't ... followed by my agreement, I sit. Chatter shifts to Quitter Shame. Can't win for losing in my own dammed head!
I talk this phenomenon over with C. She first assures me this is a normal part of this process, then gave me tools to help me along: move to the front row. Confront yourself while you can! If front row isn't enough, try doubles.
Whew.
So I returned Friday morning, for an immediate meeting with myself in the mirror. From the front row.
Front row has far fewer distractions, fewer shiny bits to catch Monkey Mind's eye.
I like me. I want to say loving and supportive things to me, loudly. And so I shall learn.

Sixty Days: Day 39

If it doesn't challenge you,
It can't change you.

Cue inner toddler: Bikram is really hard. I am exhausted. I don't eat right. I don't drink enough water. Wah, wah, wah…
I walked into the studio and saw J-man preparing to teach. I purposely didn't talk to him because I know he steals my stories; and right that moment I liked the comfort of my stories. So much so, I kept em close right into the torture chamber.
We wrestled, my stories & me, all the way through Standing Series, until somewhere around Tree Pose, when I gained the energy I so desperately seek.
Yeah. Definitely a connection between my monkey mind & the class' first half struggles. Concentration Series? Ha! I now see my roadblock. Me. What happens if I shut up? The knee breathes into lamppost & my forehead meets my knee? I see my toes over my head? Possibilities live in the quiet…
~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~
Photo 1: Trisha's kids doing yoga this morning, in Souf'akota. The hardest pose for Americans: savasana, dead body, corpse pose. This is a Legacy fit for Queen Diana! Do YOGA!
~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~
Photo 2: 7 seconds onto my floor bow pulling pose. I'm gaining courage here, knees now leave the floor (thanks to awkward pose for strengthening inner thighs!).

Sixty Days: Day 38

I carefully packed my stories today, placing the "I'm tired of being tired in yoga" on the very top & juggled them into the studio for morning practice.
I was greeting by the same smiling, happy face of Miss J. My stories would be torn to shreds, I already knew!
All you have to do is breathe, thru your nose, calm & silent … but for you Miss Jenner, you pick up your foot, no big whoop.
And I believe! It's no big whoop, so I do it.
When I was gonna die in the last bit of Trikanasana (because I really like my Standing Series Story more than the Standing Series), I'm gonna sit & my self scolding was interrupted with, Hey! Aren't you that girl who did three Rabbits yesterday? Oh! That's me! I jump up & back in to my fullest possible (I'm gonna nail this or die trying!!!) expression Yeah, that's what I thought Miss Jenner.
I let my head fill with direction, with inspiration, with pride for double-exhale sit-ups wherein knees contacted with exactly forehead, with Do more with less and The longest 6 inches is the journey from your mind to your heart.
I breathed. I rested; quickly, intentionally, quietly. I stretched. I shut-the-fuck-up and got my ass to work. And I wasn't the least bit tired.
I am so veryveryvery grateful. For me & my team.
Today's photo inspired by Kimya Dawson, who asks we love ourselves enough to Shake It! on Tuesdays. So I did!