Amy's New Year Poem

Thanks chickie, for the perfect inspiration, once again!
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This Year

Highways, finger and caress

Hearts, linger and undress

Naked, isolated and courageous

Hopes, inflated and contagious

Looking back I spiral down

Through lessons old

Yet newly found

Patterns gathered matter

Only if I choose to change

Swaying in the blaring sun

I long for familiar rain.

Today's Tea Leaves

This week's Unconscious Mutterings:

1. Memorable ::Life
2. Resolution :: Solve
   
3. Goal :: Peace
   
4. 2008 :: Awake
   
5. Sensational :: Ability
   
6. Popular demand :: Me
   
7. Old :: Tools
   
8. Music :: Dance
   
9. Intense :: Baggage
   
10. 2007 :: Numb
    

Today's Daily Om Gemini Horoscope Stimulating Life:
You may feel courageous enough to break out of your usual routine today. You might be seeking new adventures, mental stimulation, or physical activity that will get your adrenaline pumping. These feelings can indicate a deeper feeling of boredom or dissatisfaction. Perhaps your career feels stagnant, or your relationships seem to have hit a snag. A good way to discover where improvements are needed is to consider the various areas of your life. If any of them leave you feeling restless or bored, you might decide to infuse these areas with new energy today. You could change your schedule, approach your work in new ways, or find ways to rejuvenate your relationships.
Making a simple change can turn your life into a new experience to be explored.

We can bring more excitement to our lives by making a conscious effort to seek new adventures and create opportunities for growth. Because of our busy schedules, we might not notice when certain aspects of our life become stagnant. Finding adventure and challenging ourselves to grow ensures that we never become bored. As we transform, so will our lives. Life is always a new experience because we are always creating it. Our minds and spirits are stimulated, and we feel more fulfilled and excited by life. You can remove stagnation from your life today by seeking exciting opportunities to grow, learn, and discover new worlds.

*****
Those words have been ringing through my head. They've swirled out of the mouths of those around me. I've chosen not to highlight the words which represent the reality of my many past nows. The bags to unpack. The baggage to leave behind. I've got courage to face what is and faith in what's possible.
I've been numb for at least a year. At least. Depression? eh. Hiding? Yeah. Like that. So. I just zipped off a letter to Mary's Acupuncture Goddess. Unblocked chi is never a bad thing. And yet that will not be the beginning. The beginning is already here. I already walk with new intentions. I am ready. Yes. I have the Courage to be Ready. Now.

For all that has come to pass,
I say thank you.
For all that shall come to pass,
I say YES!

Gonna find me a chi station!

Friday Fill-in

Movie Quote edition. The real quotes are readily available, here are my additions to the fun!

1. "I don't expect you will really understand the beauty of the softly simmering cauldron with its shimmering fumes, the delicate power of liquids that creep through human veins, into the mind, until all are convinced I *should* be Czar of America."

2. "Why is the King always gone?"

3. "Harold, *everyone* has the right to make an imaginary twin to face all the shitty stuff they don't wanna."

4. "Nine companions, so be it. You shall be A Non-Con."

5. "Nonsense, I have not yet begun to grieve."

6. "Mama says they was magic shoes. They could take me anywhere, and comfortably- they's birks!"

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to a peace filled evening with my boy, tomorrow my plans include supporting Tena thru her dd's mystery illness, pondering a quick jaunt to Vegas and making paper cranes from wrapping paper before Scotty throws it away :D and Sunday, I want to check out the local UU fellowship & see a movie with the boys!

Mrs. G's Next Secret Boyfriend

Dear Friend,
I must introduce you, if you've not already signed him up, to my delicious fantasy, Neil Gaiman. I just wanna hang out with his mind someday. We'll have coffee and stare at one another (because, honestly, he's not hard to stare at) while our chittering, spider-monkeys-on-acid minds run off together to some carousel-accessed other-world and plot an exciting, amazing, impossible and godly adventure. They'll return to us exhausted and permanently entangled. We'll be adequately caffeinated to follow along wherever they take us! ♥
A very long time ago, Christine sent me American Gods. A lightning bolt. A shockwave. A primordal zap of connection. A quickening. Wrapped up in imaginative, vibrant, literary entertainment. This amazing human had been revealed. I was not alone. Neil knows, too. Yesterday, Scotty got Anansi Boys for Xmas... ooooh! He'll be able to read it tomorrow, I'll finish it tonight... then when he's done, I'll read it again. The man can spin a web of tales like the Spider Gods he writes of. And when your eyes hurt from sucking up the story too quick for your brain to process, you take a little break and check out Neil on the back cover. In fact, that's the exact picture from Anansi Boys. Enough blogging, back to reading and drooling (away from the electronics!).
Happy Fantasizing!
Love,
me
(p.s. this fantasy is SCB approved, he happens to love Neil's Sandman series. No kinscern necessary.)

On Winter's First Full Moon

Courtesy of Mother Crone...

As the sunlight returns to our days and with it the reminder of the promise of possibilities. I ask that you join me in holding the World in a vision of complete Peace and see waves of Understanding and compassion washing over all.

May you feel the Light of Love always
and in all ways.
May you remember every breath is a prayer
May you sense the infinite Possibilities
and the wonder of Life,
And always remember, that one person makes all the difference
and that person is YOU!

Namaste

For the record, I AM Committed. At least I should be. Sparkles?

Diana's Random Movie Quote: 'Sometimes I doubt your commitment to Sparkle Motion.' - Kitty Farmer, Donnie Darko Take this quiz at QuizGalaxy.com

'tis a Wonderful Life

Don't send a lame Holiday eCard.
Try JibJab Sendables!

Might there be an awakening, afterall?

Consulting Your Inner Wisdom ~ December 21, 2007 ~Gemini Daily Horoscope

You may feel the need for solitude today, so you can think more deeply about the quality of your life. Perhaps you’ve been feeling dissatisfied or unsure whether you are still following the right path for you. Rather than looking for answers outside of yourself, you can turn within and gain the guidance you seek today. Set aside quiet time for yourself and consider any issue you’ve been worrying about or struggling with. Hold this issue in your mind and examine it from all angles without judgment. This gives your higher self a chance to speak, and you just might have a moment of illumination that answers the questions in your heart. If you feel any nudges toward a certain direction today, you might follow where they lead, as this could also be your inner guidance providing an answer.

By consulting our inner wisdom, we can receive guidance on issues and make decisions that are in our best interest. Most of us are so used to taking direction from others that we forget to turn within to answer our own questions. While outside counsel can be helpful, we can gain greater insight about our lives by consulting ourselves. Our higher self already knows what is best for us, and by following that guidance we can make wiser decisions and smoother life transitions. By consulting your inner wisdom on any uncertainties you are struggling with today, you can receive powerful guidance that will help you create the life you desire.

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and I wonder where my son gets his stuckedness...

Dear Eros,
I'd've thought you dead, with your absolute absence from my Life; though I wonder if, perhaps, this may be a trick. Not very funny one, just so ya know. Super Cool only extends so far, Super Frustrated is quick to move on in and take over. Was gratitude incomplete for my white-hot mid 30s? Be assured, I remain in awe at the frequency and ease of my sensual bliss.
I've come to a place of acceptance. If this is what I got, it's really okay. It'd be easier, I think, if I actually had issues, intimacy issues. Do I? Issues can be dealt with, the absence of issues and a personal acceptance of this current stage of my sexual development has become a major issue.
I know what to do, I know exactly what to do. It's taking that first scary step to getting back on the bicycle, the riding will be as fun as it ever was. I got good coaching, direct to who diana is, in a language that makes sense in my context. And it didn't work; improper match to a larger context. I was as dejected as the pimply boy on prom night. Wowzer, what a lesson. Thanks for the gift of insight on that one. Mayhap a nicety is better without explanation; or at least save the explanation for after the gift of selflessness. No body cares why you just did that, there seems a large emotional investment, however, in why you're going to do that. Check.
Methinks a new commitment to a combination of detox, acupuncture, and movement may create a space for your attentions. Within and without. This too shall pass. I will breathe and learn.
Our Gifts are Abundant
All is As it Should be.

Love, me

Holiday Fun at SSU

I got all dolled up, plastered my image onto a bottle of mediocre wine and hit SunnySide Up for the annual holiday party. Earrings & a whisk, I am so hot. Scotty caught the spirit and came appropriately decoratedHow could he have known Qacei would have the same idea?There was lots of fun that cannot be captured in photographs, at least not on my already overloaded telephone's memory. Instead of documenting our laughter filled conversations or charming photos of baby Billy, celebrating his 364th day of life, I offer you hilarious documentation of Theo's mischievous form of entertainment:Jon was the original victim, with a "Kek Me" ~ everyone in the room ended up with one of Theo's signs at some point in the night ♥
Greg is wearing the remainder of what was once my very own "kes my butt" sign. Jon did. It was priceless. Burned forever in my memory; mine and that of the 7 year old witness.
Oh yeah, and I showed off my new purple bra. Hot ♥

KINCERNED Laughter

Need a pick-me-up? Need a happy reminder why you haven't been back to see your cousins in Arkasas for 20 years? Read this. With Kincern for your computer, please read without liquids in our mouth or your vicinity.
I thought the massage I received this morning (thanks SCB!!) was the best part of my day. NOPE! The laughter induced by the comments has restored my faith in humanity's humor.

And, in the spirit of good art, just because there are men I'd like to treat like this:doesn't mean I'm going to be anywhere near thisIf there's a single god anywhere who doesn't support Love in it's each and every human expression then by golly, there's a god without my faith. Poor god. Yay me, Yay Love ♥

There'll be no secrets left!!

Thanks MJ! The rules:
Once you've been tagged, you have to write a blog of ten weird or random facts about you, your habits, or your goals. At the end, choose ten people to be tagged, listing their names and why you chose them. Don't forget to leave each a comment (such as, "You're IT!") with instructions to read your blog. You can't tag the person who tagged you, but you should let her know when you've posted to your blog so she can see your answers.

My ten weird or random facts:
1. Hayden's eye color is a genetic anomaly. Two light eyed parents have an incredibly low chance of having a brown eyed child. Mitch and I have green eyes, Hayden's are brown.

2. Sometimes I forget Hannah is dead; I'll suddenly think I should call her at Kelli's and see how she's doing.

3. I love Volvos, like in a crazy kind of way. There's a guy down the street who collects/ restores really old ones, it seems. And there are a couple of LeCars in his yard too. He's gonna be my best friend someday. I have dibs on Scotty's parent's Swede. It's hot. Once I told Christine how cool Volvos are, she had one within months! She told me how cool Oregon is, now I live here. Next to get me in a Volvo and Christine in Oregon :D

4. My phone now rings "I am exactly where I need to be, I need to be exactly where I am. I am a blessing manifest" I made it myself!

5. These games Qacei recommended are waaaay fun! We've spent lots of time tossing eggs and aiming and firing. Give yourself a break, go play!

6. Someone reminded me of the Advent Calendar this month on neopets. I finally decided to dust off my poor creatures and give 'em some lovin'. I should check out Hannah's too. On a day I wanna cry.

7. I have more than one strange perspective on the world. Today I shall highlight "Women as the Genetic Future of our Species" I dated a man briefly in my Life as a Single Woman in LA, who had huge impact on me. First, he shaped my then-future relationship with my sons by pointing out his circumcision scar and saying look what my mother did to me. Never, I vowed, would a son of mine ever say the same thing about his penis. Second, we talked into the wee dark hours about human reproduction. I had vocabulary and context for what I'd felt for so long. When my high school friends got pregnant by less-than-ideal examples of humanity, I wondered if those particular humans were actually worthy of knowing one's whole life, let alone creating more of them to have in my whole life. If they're not good enough to be around me forever, why would I let them be around kids, especially their own and mine. eeww. We talked of how males are capable of impregnating multiple females, while females are capable of carrying one seed at a time. It is the responsibility and honor of the females to select the seeds worth carrying. Choosing carefully the future of our families, our tribes, our society, our world. This is the matriarchal power our current society strives to keep us blind to. This is the matriarchal power we need to reclaim and revere. The eggs of our granddaughters are in our bodies as we carry our daughters, our whole lives we are connected as women, within each other's wombs, through our eggs. Everything we do, everywhere we go, we are together. This doesn't make us superior, it makes us sacred.

8. Watching Steve Carell on The Office is so painful it literally makes me squirm. Thank ye gods for DVR, sometimes I have to get up and walk off the heiney tingle of embarrassment I feel for Michael on that show. He's a car wreck I can't stop staring at.
It's the amazing writers!

9. I want to send Hayden to race car driving school in France someday.

10. Some days I wonder if anyone can tell I'm faking it. All of it. All of the time. Mostly.

I tag YOU!

The Girls are back!

By popular demand, I returned my boobie picture with the armpit fat left in, no charge :D

The *real* highlight of the trip!

I think the girls got the highlight of the trip.
I was in such a state after the exotic pheromone scents of Trader Joe's,
I actually agreed to go to the mall.
Macy's, in fact. To get new bras. They have a certification process to size bras at Macy's. It can take up to three years to be proficient. So said the sales woman who sized me and gave me this great *Salute the Angels* trick for bra fitting and explained the cross-fit idea (34d=36c=38b all provide the same volume in different proportions) . Then she ditched me for her Holiday Clientèle. She was seemingly unable to bring herself to tell me I wasn't gonna get these mammaries into that delicate, though delicious, Calvin Klein bra. Just in case, I tried on every cute-colored demi-cup bra in my size. Guess what? The girls ain't gonna stand for a demi-cup. They're gonna settle wherever they're free to go. Demi-cup = sausage roll = uniboob = just-give-me-the-navy-blue-sweatsuit-already.
I just didn't wanna go to the full coverage/support/underwire section.
They're not cute, they're huge.
I stood in the dressing room with the last ditch effort with the loverly tuxedo styled demi, ready to cry. Another sales chickie came by and offered to bring me bras in my size.This purty one's from that other section & I didn't actually have to go there.It's an Olga. Of course.
I got a purple one, too. Merry Christmas to me.
And the rest of ya who will get to see my boobs where they belong *&* they'll be happy.

Tampons

I went to Trader Joes, Mary, you know I have to talk about them.
This time with pictures!
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I got three boxes of these (with the Sunflower) for $3.99/16 at TJ.
(they're distributed by 7th Generation)
I paid $7/16 for these (with clouds) at the local co-op.
Why?
They're both made in Germany. Out of the same organic cotton.
Probably from the same ding-dang field. The sunflower box has minimal information regarding TSS.
The cloud box has a story about why they've made super-cool tampons since 1989.
Available in 8 languages.
A $3 story? I think not. I'm already buying organic cotton tampons, I know why.

Just one more reason to shop your local Trader Joes.
Or be nice to those who have one when you don't. hee hee

Guess where I went...

After Scotty's work-sponsored brunch, we went to
Trader Joes!!! I was just a teeny bit excited ;)

I got Green Tea soap for Joanna. She likes to smell good, especially now, for her new hubby. Trader Joe is always good for sweet smelling soap! I got a bar of Lavender for me ♥

There is a God. Her name is Chocolate.
Check out the almond package. I didn't read the fine print before I got home.
What a joyful surprise! YUM!

TJ's own brand of Emergen-C. I checked the labels. Tiny variations, same basic thing. Fraction of the cost. Yay!

Satsumas. I first smelled them at Body Shop, 2000. It was love at first whiff! It's our family mourning/celebrating scent. In my not so humble opinion, it's the best scent to be sent to heaven with. I first saw literary reference in Harry Potter 6, at Christmas Dinner Mr. Weasley eats one. Last November, Jon Gold gave me one, from the box on the counter, from Safeway. Just like that, here they are. These even say Jon's Favorite, I had to get them!

Okay, I won't bore you with pictures of all my groceries, you know I took lots more.
I love Dr. Bronner's Soap. I just saw a documentary about him and how schizophrenia led him to soap-making, using his labels to spread his voices' messages to the world. Charming and creepy! With Trader Joes nearby, I get by with their incredibly cheap all-purpose castile soap! It smells good!
Also in the picture is the answer to my Oregonian dilemma. We've had PB&J issues since arriving. I didn't think it was the peanut butter, it tastes the same even if it's not the same brand... aha! it was the *J* ~ I couldn't find fruit spread at the local grocer, I brought home Jelly. Organic Jelly. No to Jelly. We're back to fruit spread. Life shall be Good with PB&J once again!

Karen had these in her shower when last I visited! I stood under the water for some time, deciding if I should use her Trader Joes soaps, when it is so far from her house; pondering how I would feel about my friend using mine. In the spirit of we could all die today and the shampoo would be for naught, I went ahead and used these luxurious products. Thanks chickie! I'll have to send ya some :D To discover their $1.99 price tag, the highlight of the shopping trip.

Xmas Nostalgia, maybe.

I remember this silver tree from 1969. My mama had a new baby and I did too.


A street urchin by 1970. No wonder strangers gave me quarters when I was out and about on my own.
I think this Santa gave me the creeps.


My mom was quite fond of hair rollers; her mother was also fond of such supreme head torture devices. This particular style I dubbed "The George Washington,"
for all I was missing was some white powder and a painted on mole.


The Western Mall, 1972. When it had Montgomery Wards and Coast to Coast Hardware and a fountain. And a pretty cool Santa every year. Tom didn't think so.


Olan Mills came through that same year. I remember that little Avon Gingerbread Man pin, it had the best smelling waxy perfume. I had quite a collection.


I don't see me in this picture, I'm probably in the center of the throng of children. This is my Early Childhood class (why yes, that is John Harris on the far left), 1973. So many happy, safe, joyful days I spent with this group of people.


1973, A favorite dress of my childhood! I felt like an angel with those delicate wing-like sleeves. I remember Tom's shirt, how the plastic guy on the front felt and smelled. Linda's wearing a too small favorite dress of mine.


A jump to circa 1975, one of my mother's famous shag hair cuts.
We're cute kids. It almost seems we like each other. Or even know each other. An illusion.


1980 Breakfast with Santa at the Great Plains Zoo. My last holiday under 5' tall.
27 years later, I gotta say Good Job Little Girl Self! I turned out okay ♥

Kevin's Kudos

I have been meaning to do a shout out for my friend, Kevin and his blog, Kevin-a-go-go. He puts pictures from his phone onto his blog, almost every day. They're fun, they capture the spirit of Kevin's every day life in ABQ. And I get glimpses of his wife, Beth, who I am totally in love with. Not to mention their love-child, Emma and her Joyous Life :D Thanks for sharing guys!

~AND~ I am totally inspired to use my super-coolest phone ever to take pictures for my blog, they're good pictures! So here's a December Dandelion for you and your inspiration, Kev. Neither of which I could have anticipated ♥ and I'm so glad to have.

Can you say "manifest greatness"?

I'm gonna ask Hayden to visualize me with a grand life. And I'll get one, I just know it.
He asked for an X-Box 360. Proclaimed aloud he was gonna get one. Not demanding, Sure.
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So we go to breakfast this morning (short run on the dayshift!) and I forget my mug in the car. As I'm digging it out, Kevin comes out of the shop and announces he has an XBox 360 he wants Hayden to have for Xmas. Here ya go, put it in the car. Holy Shit and Shinola with Cheezballs! I made it to the laundry room without being spotted.
As it is Oregon and as Kevin is a bike rider, the box is pretty soaked.
The machine is drying out and we'll check it out in the pm, when we all awaken!

John Edwards came to me.

As I sit in my seat, John enters the stage and is immediately drawn to my section. He describes a cacophony of messages, messengers clamoring to be heard. "H & M, they're laughing, HM for Hi Mom! that's who they are, it's a joke of some kind, who knows this one?" I know. It's Hannah and Mitch. Christine gave us wedding gifts monogrammed with M&D, explaining it's really for Mom & Dad, not Mitch and Diana ♥ "I've never seen such happy spirits," John continues, "they're glad to be there and glad to be here. Just plain glad to be. That's their point, they're having a good time, you were right, it's fun. Don't forget they're always connected to you. And they're having fun That's the important point, they're saying as they laugh at me. We're here, we're great, we love you is what they say. Loudly. And there are lots of people surrounding them in agreement. This is just for you to know. You were right."

Across the Universe, take 2

Go Across the Universe to see this film. Really.
Then do it again. Remember tissues the second time.
You know these are the folks I'd be in cuddle puddle with. They're loveable and fun and real. Even if they didn't smoke kick-ass pot and drink electric kool-aid, I'd still like 'em! The pot/acid thing's just really a bonus.
And this guy, Jude, :::sigh::: he's dreamy. And Beatle-riffically tormented. :::sigh:::
And there's music and singing and drama and Love...And Eddie Izzard's Show! And Lovely Lucy. ...who is all twisted and tangled up in love with Jude. :::sigh::: Lucky GirlThis is Prudence.
Where'd she come from?
the bathroom window.And a scene from the most fun movie scene ever filmed, I just know it! I wanna do stag leaps over the ball returns and sing and slide down the lanes... my favorite would be to sing whilst being dragged down the lane by my ankles. Glorious!
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It wouldn't be the Beatles without a rooftop concert, would it now? Jude is dreamy. Didja notice? Max is also nice to look at. He speaks American though. Not like Jude. He's from Liverpool. Yeah, I like Sadie and Jojo too ♥
I don't like Mother Mary so much any more, though I'm working on my "Let it Be"