Enquiring Minds...

..want to know more

1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?
Mom wanted to name me for her best friend, Linda Diane, who asked *not* to be named after... so I'm named for Diana Ross and Worcestershire sauce - Diana Lea

2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?
Yesterday. When my mom disappointed my boy and he wasn't even disappointed.

3. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
I do; I'm still a 14 year old girl that way :D

4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT?

Meat I eat for lunch, right? Turkey's good, roast beef... nothing processed or originating from more than one place on an animal!

5. DO YOU HAVE KIDS?
I've given birth to Hannah and Hayden. Hayden remaining in my care, Hannah solely in the care of her father. I've many many many other kids whom did not originate in me body.

6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?
Yes. And it would be hard.

7. DO YOU USE SARCASM?
I do. Less now than before I met Sandra Dodd. I save it now for people I don't love. Or folks I do love who can appreciate it!

8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS?
Yes. And the rest of the parts I was born with!

9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP?
Only in New Zealand

10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL?
From the Bag: Apple Jacks & Frosted Flakes. I sometimes imagine myself eating raisin bran or frosted mini wheat with cow's milk.

11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF?
People still wear tie shoes?

13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM?
the kind made with human milk. or so I imagine.

14. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE?
Usually the noise they're making, whether or not they're being nice to their kids... otherwise, their scent &/or smile.

15. RED OR PINK?
Yes.

16. WHAT IS YOUR LEAST Favorite THING ABOUT YOURSELF?
I tend to be loud. about stuff that I should be quieter about. I tend to fill silence with insipid tirades.

17. WHOM DO YOU MISS THE MOST?
Alive? Bradley
Dead? Hannah, then Mitch

18. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO COMPLETE THIS LIST?
everyone might make for more reading than I'm prepared for...

19. WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING?
Brown (magic!) pants and Orange shoes

20. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?
Trisha

21. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW?
My daddy talk on the phone with his sister, Carol, about travel plans.

22. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE?
I'm one of those chunky kindergarten crayons: blue, yellow and red. Or yellow, green and blue. Whichever. Both.

23. FAVORITE SMELLS?
Lilacs, brewing coffee, dank herb ♥, baking bread

25. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU?
Very much!

26. FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH?
Whatever is showing in a room full of rabid fans! I love to watch the fans watch their games... I root for the underdog, no matter the sport.

27. HAIR COLOR?
Yeah, that. Hmmmm. I am blessed with our family's hair-itage of *ishy* hair: reddish, brownish, blondish. Ever since my gay boyfriend in highschool, I've been a full-time redhead. Yeah, so now it's becoming really, really, really, really, really grey and I'm in a quandary about dying it.... I don't like the ishy with the grey, nor do I like pretending it's all red and I'm not aging... 'tis the question as old as hair dye...

28. EYE COLOR?
Green!

29. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS?
And suffocate my eyeballs ?! With Mercury?!?! No FREAKING way!! (check your ingredients, thimerosol as a preservative - yep! it's mercury)
Nor will I subject myself to a surgery without any regard for eyeball scartissue!! eeeeeeekkk! Me gusta antiojos!!

30. FAVORITE FOOD?
Scrambled eggs and bacon - from Sunnyside Up, of course!
Tacos de carnitas - from La Senora de Comida :D

31. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS?
Scary movies with happy endings are nice. Though I do like me some Cohen Brothers' films - even without their pretty pink bowed endings!

32. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED?
Harry Potter 6.
Alright, since you asked ;) I don't mind I've become accostomed to the giant story gaps in the Harry Potter films; putting in bullshit scenes, i.e. the blowing up of The Burrow, just plain pisses me off! Especially because there was so much MORE they could have put in that REALLY HAPPENED! (Dear Director: Yes, we are so impressed by your ability to blow things up. Does it make your penis feel bigger better? Next time, stick to telling the story!)

33. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING?
Bright orange tee-shirt. 3.99$ at Old Navy, brand new - take that Goodwill!!

34. SUMMER OR WINTER?
In Oregon? Winter Green

35. HUGS OR KISSES?
Hugs.

37. MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND?
Frank. It's what he does.

38. LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND?
No idea.

39. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW?
I'm listening to the Jim Dale reading of US version of Harry Potter 7. (I've only previously listened to Mr. Frye reading the UK versions)

40. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD?
schmutz from Hayden's late nite useage.

41. WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON TV LAST NIGHT?
The latest episodes of Weeds and Hung (I highly recommend them both!)

42. FAVORITE SOUND(S)?
Laughter, home-made music

43. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES?
Both, though the Beatles hold a more special place in my heart.

44. WHAT IS THE FARTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME?
If South Dakota is considered home then I'd say Rosarita Beach in Mexico is the farthest from there :D I've peed in every single state along I-80 from CA to Jersey ;)

45. WHERE WERE YOU BORN?
Canton-Inwood Memorial Hospital, Inwood, IA

46. WHOSE ANSWERS ARE YOU LOOKING FORWARD TO GETTING BACK?
Trisha.

47. WEEKEND PLANS?
Gonna check out the Blueberry festival down the street, pick up my DaVinci Days Fish by 6pm, enjoy our last evening with the 'rents, provide Corvallis with amazing baked goods tonight & prepare for our next wave of company!!

48. DOGS OR CATS?
Dogs. I liked Patches just fine, though she was an exceptional cat.

I've Realized...

I wanted to post about last night's soiree & the transformation I felt within me throughout the process... Then Ren posted this amazing list on FaceBook. So I'm gonna do it here, as a form for my runaway train thought process this morning :)

1. I've come to realize that my chest-size...
...is exactly the size of my chest. M'boobies? They took good care of my babies and I shall be eternally grateful and worshipful ♥

2. I've come to realize that my job(s)...
...as a mama is the most important one in the universe. And I honor those of us who take this job seriously, joyfully :D

3. I've come to realize that when I'm driving...
...I am triggered to have a cigarette; just like my dad.

4. I've come to realize that I need....
...both chaos and stillness; passion and apathy; rain and sunshine; here and there; to BE in the moment without judgment or attachment, that's what I really need.

5. I've come to realize that I have lost...
...only that which I fail to look past to see the gifts.

6. I've come to realize that I hate it when...
...the word hate is used in such cavalier form. I'm careful with that term in my own life, in my own head. I only hate over cooked beef liver, really. Everything else can be dealt with. Except maybe cottage cheese, hate that too.

7. I've come to realize that if I'm drunk...
...there must be unschoolers around! Sheesh, you guys are worse than high school. Wait, I didn't have peer pressure in high school because I didn't hang with my peers... so Thanks Guys. I think. Or (to be fair) I'm on my way to my 20th high school reunion too soon after my daughter's death, oh yeah I was F.U.B.A.R. Baby!

8. I've come to realize that money...
...is made new every single day. People are not. I won't neglect something sacred for something as common as money (thanks Grampa George!); nor will I invest an ounce more energy into money, than I have to, not with thought, word nor deed.

9. I've come to realize that certain people...
...have their minds fused closed with fear. I know that to certain people I represent several ultimate fears, someday I'll be okay with that. (almost deleted that line, then decided to leave it...)

10. I've come to realize that I'll always …
...be diana.

11. I've come to realize that my sibling(s)...
...are who they are. Their experiences have not been mine; nor mine, theirs. Someday...

12. I've come to realize that my mom...
...does the best she can with what she's got. And she's pretty dang entertaining, as long as I remember Q-TIP.

13. I've come to realize that my cell phone...
...ROCKS!

14. I've come to realize that when I woke up this morning...
...I'm still in Oregon. I had a housefull of people last night & it was fun for everyone. Wow. Straight up, Wow!

15. I've come to realize that last night before I went to sleep... .
..I had a nice wine, hoopin, socializin, dog-proud buzz going on.

16. I've come to realize that right now I am thinking...
...how much I love thinking about last night's gathering. It's a really big freaking deal. People didn't come into my house when I was a kid. Ever. Well, there was that one time Becky forced her way in but I'd rather really pretend she didn't get back to her parents car, raving about what a complete pigsty our house was, refusing to be shushed by her older sister who didn't remain oblivious to my tears; except it did happen. That little girl? She got healed last night.

17. I've come to realize that my dad...
...1)is the luckiest man in the world; 2) must be a favored one by Gods; 3) has been more blessed by my simple act of forgiveness than by anything else done to him; 4) is the Poster Child for Human Evolution ♥

18. I've come to realize that when I get on Facebook...
...I plug into my peeps, the miles melt away and I am gathering in a sacred (though sometimes nasty, nasty) place ;)

19. I've come to realize that today...
...my friends have an opportunity for generosity that didn't exist 48 hours ago; my parents will be here in a few hours; is yet another gift of Life, another opportunity to BE ♥

20. I've come to realize that tonight...
...I will revel in being someone's child, Hayden will revel in being someone's grandchild, all will be right with the world if even for a moment...

21. I've come to realize that tomorrow...
...is a gift I shalll appreciate when it's time to open it!

22. I've come to realize that I really want to...
...show the world who I really am, stripped of fears of judgment, to BE diana, whole, complete, perfect and whacked!

23. I've come to realize that the person who is most likely to repost this is...
...Frank, it's what he does :D

24. I've come to realize that life...
...really is a sacred gift, willing to be just what you make of it!

25. I've come to realize that this weekend…
...I learned how better to breathe and realize I am my child's mother, not my mother's child.

26. I've realized the best music to listen to when I am upset...
...can either be music that keeps me there, working it out; or distracting and uplifting when I'm not feeling it inside... Elton's pretty good about having an all-around useful catalogue!

27. I've come to realize that my friends...
...are more amazing than they give themselves credit for. I guess it's my job to remind them!

28. I've come to realize that this year...
...might just be the best one ever!

29. I've come to realize that my ex...
...is worthy of my love and affection. Even from afar.

30. I've come to realize that maybe I should...
...avoid any further shoulds in my life.

31. I've come to realize that I love...
...being me. The whole fucked up ballowax that is diana.

32. I've come to realize that I don't understand...
...being me. The whole fucked up ballowax that is diana. And that's jus'fine with me!

33. I've come to realize my past...
does not define me yet is an important part of my story and who I am today.

34. I've come to realize that parties...
...are my way of telling you that I want you here, intensely present in my present!

35. I've come to realize that I'm totally terrified...
...of ever becoming totally terrified. I've got fears, honey, but they know their place! They're small, niggling fears, like living to be an old woman without anyone who-knew-me-when.

36. I've come to realize that my life...
...is as delicious as I can stand!

I found another Jesus,

...this time I ran him over. Sorry dude ♥
I'm guessing your parents didn't tell you the street's not for playing?!

Overdue Perpetual Gratitude

June 15 is the anniversary of Mitch's birth, 1968.
During our recent move, including his birthday, Mitch's very sacred Heartland Paper Company work shirt, served as a prayer flag. It seemed to bridge the distance between his home and ours; much like the curtain through which Sirius Black once fell. Heh, only once.
As it fluttered with each box's passing, I thought of him watching and approving of my each move... I found myself rising to the task of being inspected by the man I long-ago chose to be my husband, the only man I chose to be the father of my children.
And there was a shift, if only in my thinking. I realize that each day I'm here, figgerin this whole Life thing out, being true to who I can be, then he's proud. That's who he married. That is who he chose to raise his children.
Not a day goes by his name fails to pass through my thoughts. I bring him with me wherever my path takes me; for his son and his wife (his orphan and his widow?).
Thanks, again, Mitchard, for the gift of your view of me & for this amazing Boy, who is so much YOU and ME and US and his Very Own Self ♥ Take good care My Love; especially good care of The Girl ♥ ♥