Happy Anniversary, Mrs. Jenner

Fourteen years ago I got married, in Vegas, for 300$ with Christine's VW Bus as our Limo.
I picked this chapel, out of a phonebook in the library in Sioux Falls, simply on the kitsch of it's name: San Francisco Sally's Victorian Chapel. Somehow I managed to be surprised it looks like a brothel!
My hair is up because it's 119* and I'm about to die, or someone will if my deodorant doesn't hold out. We had 75 people in a chapel with standing room only for 35. Praying, I tell you, everyone was praying.
In all of our pictures, I look manic and melting and Mitch looks like he's gonna barf. Or melt, whichever saves him first. Which is funny, since I felt like he looks. eeeeek!
♥ Yet we did it. Even celebrated in a random restaurant in a random casino with a random band who played a random song for us. So we danced and changed the world. ♥ And I'm so glad.

I miss me. I bet you do too.

Republican Pancakes

July 4, free pancake breakfast at our local Republican Headquarters. Free food? I'm there. Free food from the Neo-Cons? I am first in line ♥ Plus, they recycled Bush/Cheney campaign signs to advertise!
I was immediately comforted by the volunteer presence of my Libertarian True Republican friend Lyn; who happened to meet Barry Goldwater jr last year :::swoon:::I overheard a couple of disturbing conversations while consuming my free pork belly.
A woman walked up to this flag-wearing, Thursday afternoon flag-flyer and it went like this:

Crazy Lady: Hey! Are you still waving your flag on Thursdays?
Flag Guy: Yep, every week, 4:30 to 5:30.
Crazy Lady: Oooooh, you stand across the street from the opposition?
[note: Corvallis has the longest running Peace Rally in the US - every day in front of the courthouse from 5-6]
Flag Guy: Uuuuuuuhhhhhhhhh, no? I stand there next to them.
Crazy Lady: Oh, that must be hard for you... I wanna get my kids out there, to help support our cause, but (I'm full of 10,000 excuses....)
--I had to refocus my listening, lest that pork belly come flying out of me. While I slowly chewed, I picked up the convo behind me. My most treasured quote:
"Women who like the president, really only like him because they think he's cute."
Because, unlike women, men can only be cute OR qualified, not both. Or maybe that's only true for True Republicans Democrats.

Next time, I'm gonna be prepared with THIS on a t-shirt (Neo-Cons can read? I hope!)
Republican Principles from gop.com
I'm a Republican Because...

I BELIEVE the strength of our nation lies with the individual and that each person’s dignity, freedom, ability and responsibility must be honored.

I BELIEVE in equal rights, equal justice and equal opportunity for all, regardless of race, creed, sex, age or disability.

I BELIEVE free enterprise and encouraging individual initiative have brought this nation opportunity, economic growth and prosperity.

I BELIEVE government must practice fiscal responsibility and allow individuals to keep more of the money they earn.

I BELIEVE the proper role of government is to provide for the people only those critical functions that cannot be performed by individuals or private organizations, and that the best government is that which governs least.

I BELIEVE the most effective, responsible and responsive government is government closest to the people.

I BELIEVE Americans must retain the principles that have made us strong while developing new and innovative ideas to meet the challenges of changing times.

I BELIEVE Americans value and should preserve our national strength and pride while working to extend peace, freedom and human rights throughout the world.

FINALLY, I believe the Republican Party is the best vehicle for translating these ideals into positive and successful principles of government.

Dear God (or someone who understands the IRS):

In case you've forgotten who you're dealing with, let me give you a bit of a run-down.
I'm that really funny redhead from South Dakota, the one who waited a really long time to find her true love. Yeah, that one true love that left me, for you, almost 9 years ago.
Soon after his move to the hereafter, I received notice that he died owing the IRS 1200$. I ignored the letters. All of them. For years.
The letter I did pay attention to, however, is the one that came from the Social Security Administration. You may recall, that letter informed me of the legality of garnishment by the IRS, for 70$/month until the debt was satisfied. The second letter I read closely, was the one I received in January, directly from IRS, stating I owed only 400$ more.
I had a feeling that debt might take a few months to be collected via my monthly stipend.
Then I got a check from the IRS in May. And another in July.
Quick assumption: I'm getting paid back for what I've overpaid.
Then today I went to the bank to make a withdrawal; instead of almost 900$, I found a mere 700$.
Social security says sorry, you'll have to talk to the IRS. (to put it nicely, we'll talk about the condescending computer voice much, much, much later)
So I call the IRS. I talk to a very nice man, who explains that I'm not only being garnished, the garnish amount increased to 170$/month, as of January '09. (he's sending me a detailed, daily analysis of my dealings with this amazing organization). Turns out they've been garnishing on the 24th of the month, SSA issued a garnished check on the 3rd, and the IRS reissued their oopsie check on the 18th. My customer service angel was unsure why the garnishment was continuing; aside from the incredibly obvious interest earning scam. He transferred me to the Lien Department.
What a lovely customer service agent I found there! She must be a gilded angel! She told me she was able to put an immediate stop to the lien, as the bill had been paid.
I asked about the legality of such garnishment. She assured me the garnishment is legal.
I looked it up. The law says they cannot touch the child(ren)'s benefits, only the widow(er)'s; the first 750$ is protected, after that, 15% can be garnished. Unless there's an update (which I could not find) after 1991, the maximum garnish amount is around 16.50$/month. Not 70$ and certainly NOT NOT NOT 170$!!!!!
When I ask about the legality of garnishing after the debt is satisfied, I am told it's a glitch.
When I ask to speak to the person in charge of glitches, I'm *disconnected* from the system.
Too bad the next operator, for whom I sat through 20 minutes of recordings and really, really bad musak to speak to, could not give me the original angel's name nor number. She did, however, assure me that while there was not much she could do, she certainly did not want to be in my shoes. I was told about form 911 and advised to wait for a few more deep breaths before I fill it out ;)
I don't wanna get an attorney. I shouldn't have to.
Nor should the government think it's okay to ass-fuck the poorest of our citizens without consequence.
As your smiting business seems to be languishing, I'd sure like permission to take up your slack.
Or maybe just some enlightenment. All the way around, please.

Sincerely,
diana lea jenner