Speaking of my birthday...

I got my very own boobette!
Ain't she beautimus?!
Thanks Kel! Thanks Julie! Thanks sheep!
Peace ~ Love ~ Free

It's a good day to be ME (it's still my birthday)

Gemini: Follow your hunch, even (especially) if it takes you off the beaten track. You may not end up where you thought you would, but in actuality, you could land somewhere even better -- and you'll learn a few things along the way.
Gemini: Today's Full Moon is opposite your Sun, overwhelming you with your feelings. You are being pulled beyond your normal boundaries and must stretch into a new shape. But this isn't about physical form; it's all about your attitude. Rather than fearfully returning to a previous mindset, consciously allow the pressure to mold the emotional changes necessary for your growth.

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

I like horoscopes like these... They're certainly thoughts that would apply to more than just today, they seem a *big picture* reminder.
I'm emerging, I can feel it, I can see it in the pictures of me lately...
It was good to see my sisters at the end of this funk, for all of us to receive soulful commiseration and inspiration.
I made an adventurous dinner, for me anyway... my first stirfry! (thanks to the frozen remnants of an amazing gift ~ ala zing!)









My dishes are clean, my house is picked up, laundry is done and I still have time to enjoy some sunshine and rapidly growing flora on the porch and blog about it.

There's the mysterious red plant...









Sandra's Morning Glories...
The whole shebang ...

Tonight the full moon shines upon us. As her light recedes in the coming days, so shall the shadows cast over us.
Amen.

Oh yeah, that's my Amy!

OH. MY. GODDESS!

Amy's in my bed right now. Yeah, Amy Steinberg. That cool chick and I got to meet, hug, and talk our fool heads off -- without any immediate cosmic freak-out (unless you count the moment I had to revel in her presence before I could greet her!) -- In fact, we've decided that this meeting is the commencement of greatness for our collective selves (I imagine that means you, too!).

Thought For the Day:
In those times where you're standing on the edge of a cliff, you can do one of two things: you can take steps backwards because you know you'll be safe or you can just take the leap and know you'll fly!
-Devin Crouch

I'm gonna sleep now, so I can awaken my goddess in the morning... wait til you see the pictures!!

Oh yeah, it's my birthday!

A fresh honey covered fluffy cloud of amish bakery buttery soulfull goodness, I'm so glad I was born!
I totally scored on the baked goods for my birthday ♥ Scotty's parents came up yesterday with those butter rolls & honey, pecan caramel rolls, donuts, honey wheat bread, 20 lbs of flour and brown eggs! I'm in full-on carbohydrate addiction mode ♥ (Thank the gods for the Jon Gold Freeze-It-All inspiration!)
We had a great visit, including the sating of my chinese food cravings! AND I got to ride in their totally cool, leather seated, electric windowed Swede. I do so ♥ Volvos! It's blue and boxy. Sexy.
I got to meet both of Karin's kids, they're very sweet. Lily brought me a My Little Pony picture she colored for my birthday ♥ The boys played PS2, Hayden even sent Zach home with one of the Simpsons games and an extra memory card, unearthed in the move.
Scooty's got cool parents, we laughed a lot. I channeled Marty's mantra: witty and charming. I think I pulled it off. They wanna come back and visit some more. We wanna go there so Hayden can help Larry chop wood. Maybe when Lizzzardbits is in town this summer :::vbg::: When your mom told me you read my blog, my first question was: The family one or the psycho chick one? (and I said this aloud) She told me you made the Scotty connection through my blog, so I realize it's this one ♥ Thanks for not warning off your brother :) Sorry if you tried to warn him off he swears he hasn't received any messages ;)
Today I am Scotty-less and Hayden's still asleep. I, however, look and feel amazing. Maybe today I'll take my picture. That's what I should do, this beginning of year #40 as diana.
I took vitamins this morning. And St. John's Wort. Why not? Even drank water. Then a giant cup of amazing coffee with fluffy milk. Then some more water. Then a coke, just to keep things in balance. Can you hear that? The pecan rolls are telling me I need to keep a constant high to my sugar levels today, I should warm one up before I crash. Hmmmm... I'm gonna go check that out right now!

That book thing..

Gemini: Think of your life as a good book. Sometimes there are twists and turns you didn't see coming, but when you think about it, you realize they were pretty much inevitable. All your hard work has prepared you for this.

One more cup of coffee...

and by golly, it will feel like home! Two cups today :) the last of the Ethiopian from Sunnyside Up, there's just nothing in the world like it (even a month later, it's wonderful). I'm on a crazy buzz and there's nothing to be done about it. I've unpacked all I can. All three of our dishes are clean. I'm in desperate need of a hammer and nails, to complete the super-diana-takeover of the space! And that super jumbo pack of 25 second batteries my parents donated to my cause, so I can document my madness.
I'm still on a quest for my cherry dishes... Susan vaguely remembers me stashing them, she thinks in the laundry room, behind the six boxes of goodwill donations I've stacked in front of the shelving unit!! So today at the old house ;) I'll be directing schtuff to be moved to the garage for yard sale organization, collecting some more *must haves* and preparing for truckage for the big things.
I'm shocked and saddened by the mass amount of *think about later* belongings we've schlepped with us over the last few years. My packrattishness has gotten worse since the advent of parenting. Oh, I've had it in me, it's genetic. Goodness, Mitch and I moved here in one of those teeny-tiny u-haul trailers. How did our *must haves* explode like this? I had no idea how hard it would be to get rid of anyone else's stuff. Mitch is down to a cardboard box in the closet. Pictures, tee shirts, softball gear, grass stained lawn-mowing tennis shoes and his steel-toed boots. What will I keep in Hannah's box? How does one feng shui memories? Worse, how do I part from the toys Hayden hasn't looked at in years and I just know he'll want to play with them the tomorrow after I ditch them? There is joy in the discovery.
Sorting is cathartic. Purging is cathartic. Mindful of the process is cathartic. Bodhicitta.

I just have to say something!

White House hits back at Carter
By Edward Luce in Washington
Published: May 21 2007 03:00 | Last updated: May 21 2007 03:00

The White House on Sunday took the unusual step of hitting back at a former president, Jimmy Carter, who on Saturday described George W. Bush as having run the "worst administration in history".

How can you not love this guy? He's actually BTDT, even down to having an election stolen by his opponent, he gets to share his opinion.

Tony Fratto, a White House spokesman, said: "It is sad that President Carter's reckless personal criticism is out there. I think he's proving to be increasingly irrelevant with these kinds of comments."

I'm glad Jimmy's in his 80s and has no stake in what Tony has to say. FWIW, Mr. Fratto, irrelevant folks (like me, for instance) don't get mention by White House spokesmen. He's relevant, that's why you got something to say about him. Yer boss is skerred!

Mr Carter, whose own administration from 1977 to 1981 has not been ranked highly in the American presidential pantheon, was a consistent critic of the 2003 invasion of Iraq. But in his comments to the Arkansas-Democrat Gazette, White House officials said he had overstepped the boundary.

Jimmy Carter was President of America. Ya know, the place where we've got freedoms like speech and press.

"I think as far as the adverse impact on the nation around the world, this administration has been the worst in history," Mr Carter said. "The overt reversal of America's basic values as expressed by previous administrations, including those of George H.W. Bush and Ronald Reagan and Richard Nixon and others, has been the most disturbing to me."

Amen, Mr. President, sir!

Mr Carter, who is promoting a new book, Sunday Morning In Plains, a collection of Bible lessons from his hometown in Georgia, also had harsh words for Tony Blair, Britain's departing prime minister, who made a farewell visit to Washington last week, in a separate interview with the BBC.

Jimmy's new book. It's gonna sell, he's a darn cool guy, no denying. There's gonna be lots of money. This means there's gonna be bounty for many! Taxes will be paid on those profits, no doubt about it, Mr. Carter's a good, upstanding American Citizen. Then it will be given, surely, to Habitat for Humanity. Directly resulting in homes being provided for the working poor. What direct impact have you had with your wealth Mr. Blair? Mr. Bush?

"I think that the almost undeviating support by Great Britain for the ill-advised policies of President Bush in Iraq have been a major tragedy for the world," he said. He called Mr Blair's relationship with Mr Bush "abominable, loyal, subservient and blind."

Call it like you see it.

Mr Bush's response on Sunday marks the first time he has responded to his predecessor's criticisms in an almost unprecedented exchange between a sitting and former president. "It is also unprecedented for a former president to say this about a sitting president," Mr Fratto said.

The president's official response is to call Mr. Carter increasingly irrelevant and his comments reckless?? Did he spit, too?

Mr Bush's approval ratings recently dropped to 28 per cent - the lowest for any president since Mr Carter.

That's funny. I think Jimmy lost points for being too nice, too soft hearted. W lost points for being too soft in the head, too stupid. Nice is better.

Mr Carter, who pulled off a diplomatic breakthrough in the 1977 Camp David agreement that led to peace between Israel and Egypt, also criticised Mr Bush for having "zero peace talks" on the Israel-Palestine question.

Peace building would contradict his agenda of war-time profiteering.

The former president, who won the Nobel Peace prize in 2002 for his foundation's work in promoting democracy and human rights around the world, also attacked Mr Bush for mingling his private Christian faith with public policy in the White House's "faith-based and community initiative," which channels some welfare assistance through religious institutions.

When the most Christ-like of all presidents calls you on this kind of shittiness, you're in deeeeep sinful sludge, m'boy.

Why I'm glad someone understands the stars...

Gemini: Some recent upheavals had you in a whirl, and various mundane life matters had to fall by the wayside. Enlist loved ones in your efforts to get things back on track. Things will be ship-shape before you know it.

I must say...

I gotta pick up that book before I make comment on how well it represents me... I think George has it around here somewhere... I even went back to the quiz to see if they'd give me a different book, Noooo! fine.
So I did a political quiz, "Presidential Running Team '08" or somesuch nonsense :)

You're Camejo-LaRouche!

As Peter Camejo, you have strong convictions that you take with you wherever you go. You believe in peace, justice, and a very un-American way that challenges big business and the status quo. You want to shake things to their very core, but can never seem to quite get a foothold in your endeavors and often fall a little short. In spite of all your egalitarianism, you live in a rather spoiled suburban environment.

You select Lyndon LaRouche as your running mate enlist his cult in your outreach efforts.

Take the 2008 Presidential Ticket Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid.

These guys are funny! Too bad they don't come in a cuter diana-esque package :) They're certainly stirring up shit and making folks think about imperative things they'd really rather not think about - kinda like me! :::vbg:::
When *I* become president... I think I'd prefer Goddess or Queen or Benevolent Tzar (I like this spelling)... I'll be the very first real person to live in the White House. I know I'll run on the Still-Evolving ticket :)

for reals?

You're Love in the Time of Cholera!

by Gabriel Garcia Marquez

Like Odysseus in a work of Homer, you demonstrate undying loyalty by sleeping with as many people as you possibly can. But in your heart you never give consent! This creates a strange quandary of what love really means to you. On the one hand, you've loved the same person your whole life, but on the other, your actions barely speak to this fact. Whatever you do, stick to bottled water. The other stuff could get you killed.

Take the Book Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid.

The Last Straw

Sandra's got this great story about her sister calling to complain about her kids. Every report became the last straw. Sandra quickly realized her sister needed to unload her straw. One cannot live in a constant state of last straw. My family has been on the last straw with me for a really long time. I just realized. In the middle of the most amazing Mother's Day massage, alas I digress... I've been defensive, a lot. I resist judgment by holding my own judgments before me as defense. Ick. I sit in the corner with my I am NOT like you! banner waving all around in people's faces while they're trying to eat and maybe actually relate to one another. There's a really cool chick in the movie below. Too bad my family never gets to see her. Why not? I'd be pissed off if I was related to someone as cool as me and all I ever saw of her was her (fear driven) tongue-clucking, condescending, judging side. Where is my Bodhicitta for the family? Can my heart not expand to include them all? To include myself among them? To seek to create a peaceful existence with one another, to love and support one another on our individual journeys? It seems in too many ways we've become the grownups I remember from Great Gramma's house. Always sniping and bitching, yelling and insulting, judging and clucking. Not exactly what the fates had in mind for our family's legacy, I'm sure. Joanna, I'm sorry your wedding became a last straw for me. I'm sorry I was pissy when I should have been loving. Be glad I kept my ickiness at home and rest assured it's the chick in the film who's coming to your wedding. I'm glad I was missed. Jason, I'm impressed you come here to read. I can only hope that means you miss me as much as I miss you. I didn't used to be like this. You remember. And the rest of ya, well, I'm back when you'll have me. I'm taking a deep breath of courage to step up and be authentic. I'm a pretty cool chick, still.

I'd rather be the master who Lives the Life, than the hypocrite who preaches it.
I've got some more voices to fire...

Reconciliation

I think that's what I should deem this emergence process I'm in. I'm reconciling how the mama who knows, espouses and believes all the reality of freedom, has found herself so stressed out by the current living situation (AH! I need to paint my feet with the Henna I have left over from Life is Good!! **whew!**) that I'd prefer to limit my son than evoke the wrath of George (who blames his pain). Which causes a huge ripple in my reality, obviously in the reality of my entire universe. I so look forward to having a kitchen right where my kid is. To be in proximity. To be present. Reconcile that the woman deeply in love with Scotty is not open to him. To make that okay. To know that my emergence includes intimacy. There's not a fix. There's not a help-through. There just is. And even this is whole complete and perfect, in the scope of the evolution of diana. I gotta know that I can work through the tears. The memories will stay. I can enjoy them instead of being tortured by them. The happy girl can be sad, really really fecking sad. AND she can still be diana. AND she's still fragile. AND she's screaming to be released. and I am so glad to know I'm not alone. I am better today. I've got a few more % available, and I'm givin' it all! I gotta rock and roll. I gotta represent. Not because I gotta, because I choose to be authentic. I choose to quiet the evil chatter (volume control for now, pink slips when I'm better rehearsed). I welcome my team. C'mon girls, there's wine and boxes and Gwen Stefani ::bg:: Mary even gets a glass in my head ;) I am loved. I am Love. Life is Good. Amen.

Welcome

I realize that to throw my arms wide open to receive my bounty, welcoming and grateful... I catch it all. I welcome the manifestation of the tough things too. I choose to focus my energy now on accepting what IS and creating a NOW filled with blessings.
I'm gonna watch the Secret my own self. Some crazy insight awaits.

Packing ahoy!

I'm peeing on this page!

This is mine. MY blog. My thoughts. There's a huge disclaimer at the top of the page, please read it now:
My internal ramblings, the Soul's Ponderings on becoming diana... read ahead with love, compassion & a willingness to have a deep, sick sense of humor about what it means to be me.
Do you understand? No? you're excused. Yes? Great! welcome to the journey. I have another blog. It's family-focused and family-friendly: hannahbearski.blogspot.com In fact, it was created because of family's uproar over what they read at Nani Moon. The internet is a big wide open place, I have not compelled you to read here (unless you count my magnetic personality ::g:: **back to seriousness now), you are not forced to peek into my head. I know that what's inside me is not always pretty. If you've known me (even solely via this blog) for more than three days, chances are you know that too.
Even if you ask really nice, I will not censor myself here. Not any more than I already do. Ooooh did tempers flare and poison spew. Aw man! Further proof of our humanity. I have no malice in my heart nor in my writings. I highly recommend thesecret.tv, it may shift (or enforce) your perspective of my blog. And the whole wide universe too.
I saw a Blogger's creed the other day... I googled it to see what's out there. I found two and I really like them both and think they speak well for me.
School of Thought: Blogger's credo: I don't maintain a blog to entertain the masses. I'm not trying to sway public opinion. I don't care if you disagree with me. In fact, I'm counting on the fact that you will. I'm not a politician so I don't need your vote. Read at your own risk.
Ryan Block: blogger credo: be real

It's a conspiracy! They're reading my mind!

~~~

Gemini: You might feel as if someone has lit a fuse beneath you,propelling you into a busier social life. Mars is activating your 11th House of Community, pushing you into activities with groups and organizations. This can, however, present a dilemma,for you may have to balance your own individual needs with those of friends and associates.If you juggle everything right, this will prove to be a fun and productive time.Tarot.com

~~~

Not everything is black-and-white -- how monochrome and boring would that be? If you remember that, your day will go much more smoothly. Remind yourself of that if you encounter any ambiguity. It'll sort itself out. Astrology.com

oh that Smarty Dodd!

I was gonna send another note to Marty's Mom, then I realized having his wisdom immortalized here serves more than just me and his mom, both of whom are thoroughly convinced of his ultimate coolness already & mayhap there's a folk or two who need reminding of what our youngsters have to offer us... Marty's really good at reminding me of that very thing!
You may remember he gave me the amazing mantra "You are the Alpha and the Omega" when dealing with Hayden's frustrations. I also made the "Witty and Charming" comment to him last month, you see it worked!
He called me yesterday (it's always such a treat!) to garner some advice on feeling *marginalized* by his Love. Just (like the very moment) as I was dealing with Scooty having the same feelings!! Curse those gods! This is the smack to the head they loooove to deal out to me! This time, I turned the other cheek (took it like a 'man) and told him of his commiseration opportunity with Scotty (whom he can't wait to meet!). I gave him the most flattering crazy girl perspective I could and he gave me the sad guy in love version. We're both alike in that talking to other folks gives us back our own wisdom - he wasn't even offended that I admitted I was talking to myself and not to him, then thanked him for listening - not the mentoring experience I expected, much to my pleasant surprise!
Tonight, because he really really loves me, he followed up... (my comments in italics)
M: Is everything with scott peachy again?
D: Most definitely on the right path! tytytyty!! ILY!! <3
M: Super cool boyfriend is super cool once again. My work here is done.
D: Thanks AAJ (above average joe, super hero at large) My HERO -swooning-
M: No ma'am, thank you
(notice the manners, the appropriate apostrophe and comma usage... must be all that discipline at home :::vbg:::)

~♥~♥~♥~♥~♥~♥~♥~♥~♥~♥~♥~♥~♥~♥~♥~♥~♥~♥~♥~♥

Just goes to show that even on days when I play with the idea of having a serious mental defect, I realize my heart is in the right place and my soul is fulfilling it's purpose and my relatives are those to whom I can relate and to whom I'm related in a deep universal sense... now to get my head outta my ass once again (quick before it gets comfy!) and return to the ever-popular diana's life as the happiest chick in the whole world. Amen.

Aaaaah, the stars

Gemini: The harmoniously aspected Aries Moon energizes your life and can help you reap the benefits of recent changes. You need to be with your friends today, for they can reflect your current excitement. Share your eagerness, but don't get so distracted by your anticipation that you cannot enjoy the moment as it happens. Tarot.com
~Watch your mouth or you could find yourself in hot water. It's hard to control the impulse to blurt out the first thing that crosses your mind, but give it the old college try. Someone else's example shows you the way. Astrology.com

The Secret Me

Whew! Did last night's rage wake me up! I've awakened into the midst of a really dark icky time to be diana... diana the victim: victim to mean ol' George; victim to insipid Susan; victim to Mitch's mean, horrible family; victim to my OWN awful relatives (and those married to them); victim to my own depression, victim to those damned voices who've decided to hold a reunion in my head...
Mama ain't happy.
That's what it is.
Inside, I'm cold and lonely and confused... and thinking everyone is right - I am a faker!
Outside, I'm a cold-fish bitch ready to distract you with my Rage, so you don't notice my fragility...
According to The Four Agreements, one can only be offended by another's comments if one agrees with the comments. It is in the Agreement where the conflict lies. It is the struggle between our life-long Agreements we've made for our own domestication and protection versus our internal sense of Highest Right (borrowing a bit of Richard Bach) for our Soul's Purpose.
I'm not like my family. Oh wouldn't it have been easy to just perpetuate the shitty parenting and hypocritical traditions of our Family. I coulda done all those will-breaking, spirit-squashing, disrespectful, inhumane things they all get off criticizing me for not doing (CIO, shaming, slapping, spanking - not to mention a refusal to breastfeed and ritual genital mutilation for sons)

Instead I set out on a path of evolution. To create something yet unseen in our genetic history (at least by us - I don't believe for one minute that I made this up, I know it came from somewhere!). I've always known status quo doesn't work for me... I need something new and different at regular intervals in my life; boredom sets in all too easily. As I volunteer to travel down unseen paths, Life does me a favor by providing lots of said paths for me to travail. Most times, I don't mind, well, at least some part of me doesn't mind and thrills in the gifts my paths bring to me. I get to do lots of things no one else gets to do AND I get to do it in ways no one else thought of. The everyday stuff can't be done the regular way, either... If I'm willing to be adventurous with my own Soul, wouldn't I bring my entrusted Souls along for a wild ride?? They did choose to surround me, afterall :) I'm glad they don't seem to mind and when they do mind, *gasp* they can tell me about it.
Today, I will sit. I will focus on this picture (evolution of consciousness), opening my chakras to move the raging energy from my Root chakra to the Crown, where enlightenment works.
Enlightenment. The God-Voice in Conversations with God asserts it's called enlightenment because we're meant to lighten up!! Today I will find a source of humor in this situation. Humor, not at the expense of others, not in judgment, in lightening my own Self. Now I'm gonna go cry, if I can... mayhap that shall soothe my tortured soul.

LIFE is Good, the movie

Yeah, Craig rocks! In fact, he rocked me right outta my pissiness... well who can be pissy with me in striped Hanna jammies, dancing in my LOW shirt, not to mention with pipecleaners in my hair, surrounded by my faaaaav-o-rite little people? Not me! and I bet not you either!

If you missed his Live and Learn movie, check it out! (requires quicktime) He and Scooty are the only two people I've met who know this obscure Icelandic band playing the hauntingly beautiful theme.

Dear Anonymous,

I'm feeling just pissy enough to take you on today!
(like really, really pissy!! *Consider yourself warned*)

I hate anonymous comments. I allow them, because I know what a PITA Blogger is to some folks who don't want a profile. I still expect you to accept credit for your words and sign your name. Be impeccable with your word. Say it because YOU need it said, not 'cause you're a chicken shit. (you've got an identifiable IP addy, I know who you are!)

On to the issue at hand:
Anonymous said...(on Saturday's post about FRIDAY night's baseball game)

"Iam glad you and your son had a good time but I think you forgot a very important day for J. She is very hurt that her "sister" didn't come to her shower."

I didn't forget J's day, I told her my son needed me at the exact moment she called. When he was fine, I was happily distracted by a brand new baby and a very tired new mommy. Babes before Brides, that's my new motto. So hey, let's hash it out...
Especially as I do harbor some ickiness towards the whole J's very important day thing. Okay, fine, I admitted it.
I wanted her in my wedding - her family didn't come to Vegas. My Goddess, I wouldn't have survived parenthood, let alone widowhood (esp the first few years), without our J... our family can never repay the Gift her presence to us. My children really and truly consider her their Aunt, not mommy's cousin. I heard of her engagement moments after it happened, we were ecstatic for her, for them. Imagine my shock, surprise and bruised feelings when she announced her attendants -- not me! I did get offered a shitty bouncer job, which I happily refused. My kid didn't get offered any job, not even a shitty one. Yeah, I breathe deep and listen to the wedding plans. I know I don't want my shittiness to dim the joy and the glow of D and B's only daughter's wedding. So I don't bring it. Which this week, means I don't bring me. I'm full of shittiness lately and it sucks. Be glad I didn't come to share.
I don't know what the answer is. I plan to show up and have a great time at a wedding I really do want to celebrate. I will avoid the H-family table, as there always seems to be a bounty of perfect-life critics there, waiting to pounce on my next imagined opportunity to embarrass the family (yeah, I know what was said at T's wedding - and, well, next time leave your shittiness at home) Or maybe I'll find myself overwhelmed by my own shame at being "never good enough," maybe I'll find I'm unwilling to subject my son to the same-said crazies, maybe it'll all be just fine and all this aarrgghh is for naught.
Maybe someday, I'll have my sister back... that will be a very happy day.

Battle Hymn of the Republic Karma

Had to be, I just knew it!!

Mother's Day was initiated by a homeschooled Unitarian - who credits most of her learnin' to have happened after she gave up school ~ imagine that! I'm beginning to love this HolyDay more than ever before.

"Julia was tutored at home and at private schools in literature, languages, science and mathematics. She knew French from early childhood, began Italian at 14, later added German, and read Latin and Greek with ease. She had music lessons and voice training with the finest teachers available. The family home on Bond Street included an extensive library and art gallery. At 16 she left school and, in her words, "began thereafter to study in good earnest," continuing throughout her life to read literature, history and philosophy. By the time she was 20, she had written literary criticism published anonymously in the Literary and Theological Review and the New York Review."
"Mourning the death of her father in 1839, and soon afterwards that of a brother and a sister-in-law, she turned to the religion of her upbringing, though her reading had exposed her to more liberal ideas. Later she wrote, "I studied my way out of all the mental agonies which Calvinism can engender and became a Unitarian." Mary Ward of Boston sent her a sermon by William Ellery Channing, which she found helpful. While visiting Mary in 1841, Julia heard Channing preach and attended a Ralph Waldo Emerson lecture and a Margaret Fuller conversation."

I ♥ Julia Ward Howe

What today means...

Gemini: You may have more impact on others today than you realize, especially if you feel under attack in any way. If you are involved in a conflict, it probably won't be personal, but rather a professional or work-related issue that requires you to take a stand. Defend your position, but make sure that you aren't standing on shifting sands.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This is hilarious!! Under attack? Hmmmm, maybe having everything I pack being inspected by George as I sleep could be viewed as attack?
I have my kitchen things in the corner of the kitchen ~ where they've been since I moved in, with the exception of things I've incorporated into life here over the past two years ~ I've been adding to the pile, while going through what's already there and cleaning it for transport and use. I'm so surprised it's happening, yet that's not even true, it's just like him to be this way ~ better make sure I don't sneak out a single bowl I didn't bring in, especially if I'm the only one who's gonna use it! That's what I noticed, I had stacked some ceramic bowls of mine into a box and there was one less when I moved the stack later. I screwed up, that one was similar to mine and indeed his. Which only fuels his fire to dig through everything I box up, suspicious of what I may squirrel away without his notice. Can we spell paranoid?
Okay, I know I should just open up... make it okay (That's what Scott Noelle's voice is saying to me), breathe deep (thanks Sandra), don't take it personally (Don Miguel Ruiz) and just do what needs to be done (that's me!). Packing and staging in the basement will give me more control over my things AND packing and staging my kitchen things in the basement will limit my access to those things until the move. There is no right answer, just the one that will make Life Joyful and Abundant for the last few nights under this roof... This is Whole, Complete and Perfect, just as it is. (Big Joe!)
My Stand: This too shall pass. Soon enough we will no longer have one another to complain about. I can continue juggling for a few weeks more, I can continue juggling for a few weeks more, I CAN continue juggling for a few weeks more...

Mother's Day for Peace

In the United States, Mother's Day was originally suggested by poet and social activist Julia Ward Howe. In 1870, after witnessing the carnage of the American Civil War and the start of the Franco-Prussian War, she wrote the original Mother's Day Proclamation calling upon the women of the world to unite for peace. This "Mother's Day Proclamation" would plant the seed for what would eventually become a national holiday.

After writing the proclamation, Howe had it translated into many languages and spent the next two years of her life distributing it and speaking to women leaders all over the world. In her book Reminiscences, Howe wrote, "Why do not the mothers of mankind interfere in these matters to prevent the waste of that human life of which they alone bear and know the cost?" She devoted much of the next two years to this cause, and began holding annual "Mother's Day" gatherings in Boston, Massachusetts and elsewhere.

In 1907, thirty-seven years after the proclamation was written, women's rights activist Anna Jarvis began campaigning for the establishment of a nationally observed Mother's Day holiday. And in 1914, four years after Howe's death, President Woodrow Wilson declared Mother's Day as a national holiday.

What does it mean to you?

Living Arrangement Quandry

Tomorrow I sign the lease. Tomorrow I will begin all the crazy steps in making this home a reality. I picked a place that works for me and The Boy... with Scotty in mind, of course. I'm looking forward to having a sunny bedroom, though, after having tiny, shaded, basement windows for two years... he may have to sleep in Hayden's much-darker bedroom during his day-shift nap :) Part of me is rushing ahead and just doing what needs to be done for Team Jenner (as it exists today)... part of me is holding back, wondering if we should just take the leap and move in with Scotty... a whole 'nother part is glad to take something slowly ;) Hayden's upset that it's a basement again, even after explanations of the amount of space (1000 sq ft) and the plans for set-up (tv/computer living room & art/games family room/utility room)... He doesn't want to live in an apartment at all, especially not one underground! Eventually, he came around to any means necessary to ensure I still get an allowance! A momentary waystation to our next stop... we're not getting a new, bigger bed together until we move (West!?) ~ that decision was easy. When to live together? not so easy.

Why I must move...

It was easy to choose to live here! Two amazing kids, two mostly-absent parents, one gargantuan house filled with toys -- what's not to love? We (the four of us, counting Patches) jumped at the chance to move in and bring some of our majik into their lives. I was the joyful playmate and the Team Coach for a couple of extra human beings. They gave me loads of inspiration and were happy cat-sitters during our frequent road trips. Scotty loves them like my own. They have become his practice kids, as well. My space has enveloped them and welcomes them into a place of True Unconditional Love.

I have found myself of late, buffering just too many uglies doled out by their father. I get chronic pain, I get narcotic dependence, I get living without a light at the end of a very long and dark tunnel... I refuse to get how that justifies being a jerk at every opportunity to the smallest and most fragile of our citizens!

I had just comforted Hayden after he was unceremoniously ordered "home" (possibly for making too much joyful noise at the children's return from school) when I found a very sad and worried Elizabeth needing comfort... I can already see the day when Alex flees the ickiness only to be laughed at in my absence, no longer having a Safe Haven in his own home.
I look forward to killing my own whipped cream (no longer suspicious that someone sucked all the propellant out of it and buried it in the trash!) and having my own raw sugar and my own last coca-cola. The thought of 9 days makes things really easy for me and The Boy... makes things really tough for another set of kids.

Make it Mine!

Home, aaahhh, it felt great! I'm throwin' down the cash, daggummit! Along with the application fee of $20, I'm attaching a check for 1/2 month's rent and the $300 deposit. The place is adorable. The folks upstairs travel all the time; they own a Winnebago & a construction company (can you hear him begging for scrap wood? I can see the projects already!); the pond is comforting; the hot tub huge; the patio ready; the flowers blooming; the fire pit calling! You gotta check out the pictures, in the "from the kitchen" shot, on the left wall there really is an electric fireplace thingamabobber from the 70's!! It's even burnt orangish! There's a perfect slab of cement for boarding and scooters, a park not far by bike (is anything really far by bike?), Hy-Vee down the street (Hey Mel, can I borrow the Burley for groceries?)... and we can live with it. We can live with $600 rent plus cell phone and allowance (games, etc) and still eat. Seriously time to give up cigarettes. Good thing I bought a $20 cappuccino machine as a housewarming gift for myself & I've got coffee connections~ I can trade one stimulant for another! I think I can find a way to keep myself in organic 1/2 & 1/2 :)
And I can jump into what kind of work do I want to do? I'm thinking funeral homes need me... there's a big one down the block, I may have to drop in and just sell myself. I really want to do the holiday memorial service this December. Baking? Worth checking out. Breadsmith needs me :) Karen recommended volunteering at the co-op to get the discount on food, 'specially now that I'm cooking! (Lasagna AND Potato Salad yesterday!)
What awaits me? I'm a-tingle with anticipation! Arms thrown wide open in welcome to the newest chapter...
Gemini: Nothing is quite as impossible as it seems, for you may feel a bit more pessimistic than usual. The emotions that are holding you back, however, can also contain the seeds for your forward movement. Don't accept defeat under any circumstances, even if your confidence is weak. Remember, today's actions set the stage for next week's transformations.
~~I attached a note to my rental application: (to soothe my pessimist ::g::)
My credit score and paper history do not give an accurate picture of the family applying for this apartment.
6 years ago, my young husband died of a brain tumor. I was widowed with two children, then ages 2 & 4 years old. I left the work force to focus on my family and our healing. I have been able to continue our commitment to homeschooling and creating a joyful family life for all of us. In February 2006, my daughter, Hannah, then 9.5, died of leukemia.
The past 400some days have been new and strange for me and my son, Hayden, now 8.5. We are seeking a new beginning for our new family situation. I feel this space can provide just that for us.
Thank you for your consideration!

Aaahhh a Gemini I am!

Gemini-Stick to the tried-and-true. No, wait -- now it's time for something completely different! Hey, there's no need to rush into a decision. Enjoy ping-ponging between these two stances and a solution will reveal itself. astrology.com

sums it up!

There I am! Bright and shiny and just as bursting with joy as I seem!! I think, I'm fatter, hairier, and happier than ever before in my life! and I wonder if that's appropriate self-talk... Goes to show, at least me, that physical condition is just that, another condition we must meet in our minds before we allow the heart free happiness. Unconditionality is huge in the forefront of my mind. Thanks to Scott Noelle, for giving me the vocabulary to describe the joyful perspective my life holds~ I remain ME in all situations. Conditions do not dictate who I am; who I am dictates how I behave, in all conditions. It is truly at the heart of to thine own self be true. I am happy. I am a glass half full kinda girl. I've allowed my conditions to excuse behavior that may not line up with the Big Picture diana-possible. What I can do now, is to shift that focus to the Life-Possible and what it really looks like. I shall see that my life, my home, my team and my city reflect the part of me I invest there. Investment of my true, whole self will only reap glorious benefits.
Practical terms? Purge, baby, purge. Cast off that which no longer serves my life. Gratitude and Growth. Treasure that which is serving purpose to my now and near future. Our new home awaits. I shall fill it with the things that bring love and light into our lives. I shall say goodbye (for a price!) to those who shall do that for others. Every day shall be this heart-full!

Seven Degrees of Robert G

My cousin Robert. He's one of the coolest guys I know. He's a workin' stiff, doin' what he loves and what he knows. When he knows better, he does better. He's evolving like that.
When Mitch arrived in Sioux Falls, his first bestest friend was a guy named Al. One day, we took Al to Gramma's house for dinner. Al remarks, "this is the way to Robert's Gramma's house." I don't even connect my cousin to this sentence, until we pull up to the exact same house... Robert had moved to ID, leaving his best friend, Al, best-friend-less, just as Mitch arrived from CA, accepting the open position of new best friend. After Mitch left, I reconnected with a cousin I'd not ever been close to before. Thanks Al! Thanks Mitchard! Thanks Fates!

I miss my SuperCoolNewBoyfriend

I'm missing Scooty like crazy. I'm jealous he's bonding with my kitty and hanging out with my other kids, and yet, that's not entirely true... I'm so Grateful he's there among my things and my peeps, it makes him seem so much closer to us and easier to conjure. He's sent pictures of all sorts, including chic-o-sticks, blooms and precious moments with my loved ones. I've reciprocated with glimpses of our fun and our views. Ya gotta just love cellular technology!

And Yeah, I got a haiku :)
Far, yet internal
I miss my new family
...swim in the missing.
And the bestest message ever:
Good night, my love. I remain, your impossibly co-dependent, stranded-in-your affection, dive-bombed by new-and-improved awareness, totally lost in Love boyfriend. Long live us!
C&C met Scotty... the text messages to me went like this:
Chas: Your man rocks. you rock. love you
Colette: Can i have your man after you?
Scotty: Chas advised me to forego fear in our relationship :) ...In her words, 'it's all good !'
He wins.
I'll be home Sunday ;)

diana becoming

Ah, the extra oxygen of deep breathing. Ah, the moments of quiet solitude. Ah, the groove of life.
That's how it's feeling. We're having an amazing time on the road. I don't wanna go home to the drudgery of that life. How freaking sad is that. Sad enough to kick my ass into inertia. This extra time of practice, of moving and doing and being active, is intended to do just that. One twin can't wait to get home and sit without a steering wheel and suck up the DVR; One twin wants to drag the other all over the apartment, boxing and sorting and collecting and honoring all of our belongings, as we move to this next phase of the adventure. As both twins are monkeys, this could lead to some crazy chattering in this mind of mine. 'cept I'm breathing. Oxygen tends to quiet the mangy little beasts. some of them anyway :)
There's my visual folks. I'll have none of that nonsense. No time to see, hear or speak judgment. I'm rollin' with it and it feels good. It shall continue to feel good and continue to roll. It's what I do and it's who I am. Amen.

You must be my lucky star!

Goodbye April!
Gemini:Surrender the wheel to the universe and you might find that your destination is a lot more fun. Funnily enough, the ride there becomes a lot smoother too. Trust in the process and you'll soon see results.
Welcome to May!!
Gemini: You could be lured into discussions about your idea of perfect love, with romantic Venus activating your sign. Luckily, you can sail through every conversation, even if your ideas are not very sensible now. Make good use of your eloquence to win others over to your perspective, even if what you say isn't very practical. Slowing down will help your dreams come to life.