Day 5 September Challenge

I did not want the yoga today. No how, no way. So I dragged my crabbyass to 6:30 practice, retribution for listening to the grumpy mcgrumbles all day.Leslie led us, quite gently, through the rough & humid practice. The monkey minds were rowdy and drunker than usual, her compassion was inspiring and welcome. I finally stayed in the room! Only sat out one set of standing separate leg head-to-knee, to soothe the voices screaming about sweat up my nose. 

To make matters magic, coaching through standing head-to-knee brought big progress towards full expression. She mentioned the very important grip, at the ball of the foot, allowing the heel to propel forward & the toes to point back. Viola! First instance of locked left kicking leg (photo is mirrored) Upside down L like Linda :) 

Five days. In a row. Go me.

Day 4 September Challenge

Miss Kim for the 4:30 practice today. Less intense than days 1-3, still incredibly intense. Will be reverting to mornings to see if there's a shift for me. Left again, though after busting my ass during the first half! 

Asked for coaching on Standing Head-to-Knee, I want kicking leg locked by month's end. I have the physical ability, I know it, just need to hush that chatter! Also working on Standing Separate Leg Head-to-Knee -- ha! Both back rounding poses! Belly in! Belly in! Belly in! Confronting the last belly issues with these bellybutton focusing poses :) Good! 

Day 3 September Challenge

Miss Kim!!! I did the Opus Dei 6:30 pm practice. Not sure what I did to deserve such flagellation, however, I survived. Again. Left the room (again), dunked head in cold water, refilled bottle and got my ass back to work. 10% complete. Damn. 

Day 2, September Challenge

Bikram, day 2. Another miserably humid holiday class. Wall-to-wall yogis, wall-to-wall flinging schweat. I left. Just before camel. Did camel, rabbit, head-to-knee & spine twist in the men's hallway. Fuck. 

Returned for breathing & savasana. Thanks, Miss Kacie for herding overheated cats through practice today! 

Tomorrow will be cake in comparison.  

The Girl in the TV

1994, our marital television. Such discussion, such debate, such a thrill - a truly ginormous screen of our beloved entertainment. This screen has reflected every member of my family. 

I've held on to it, solely for sentimental purposes these last many years. It's now time for g'bye. And I am ne'er as ready as I think I am... 

Day 1, September Challenge

Today was hard to get out of the house. I knew this morning was today's only opportunity for practice. Meaning my one chance to begin my own 30 in 30 Challenge *and* a very humid, crowded beginning to said challenge. As I'd already been listening to my mind's litany of justifications and excuses, outside the studio, for days, their power seemed weakened. They did scream for the whole drive (so glad it is short) and quieted with the bullshit-melting heat of the room. Miss Kacieled a riotous bunch to completion. 

My survival rate remains 100% 

Sixty Days: Days 40 & 41

Combining days, as I had a mere 11 hours between classes. Both sessions led by C.
Thursday night's highlight was confronting my own self talk. Chatter began: tired, too few calories, can't, can't can't ... followed by my agreement, I sit. Chatter shifts to Quitter Shame. Can't win for losing in my own dammed head!
I talk this phenomenon over with C. She first assures me this is a normal part of this process, then gave me tools to help me along: move to the front row. Confront yourself while you can! If front row isn't enough, try doubles.
Whew.
So I returned Friday morning, for an immediate meeting with myself in the mirror. From the front row.
Front row has far fewer distractions, fewer shiny bits to catch Monkey Mind's eye.
I like me. I want to say loving and supportive things to me, loudly. And so I shall learn.

Sixty Days: Day 39

If it doesn't challenge you,
It can't change you.

Cue inner toddler: Bikram is really hard. I am exhausted. I don't eat right. I don't drink enough water. Wah, wah, wah…
I walked into the studio and saw J-man preparing to teach. I purposely didn't talk to him because I know he steals my stories; and right that moment I liked the comfort of my stories. So much so, I kept em close right into the torture chamber.
We wrestled, my stories & me, all the way through Standing Series, until somewhere around Tree Pose, when I gained the energy I so desperately seek.
Yeah. Definitely a connection between my monkey mind & the class' first half struggles. Concentration Series? Ha! I now see my roadblock. Me. What happens if I shut up? The knee breathes into lamppost & my forehead meets my knee? I see my toes over my head? Possibilities live in the quiet…
~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~
Photo 1: Trisha's kids doing yoga this morning, in Souf'akota. The hardest pose for Americans: savasana, dead body, corpse pose. This is a Legacy fit for Queen Diana! Do YOGA!
~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~
Photo 2: 7 seconds onto my floor bow pulling pose. I'm gaining courage here, knees now leave the floor (thanks to awkward pose for strengthening inner thighs!).

Sixty Days: Day 38

I carefully packed my stories today, placing the "I'm tired of being tired in yoga" on the very top & juggled them into the studio for morning practice.
I was greeting by the same smiling, happy face of Miss J. My stories would be torn to shreds, I already knew!
All you have to do is breathe, thru your nose, calm & silent … but for you Miss Jenner, you pick up your foot, no big whoop.
And I believe! It's no big whoop, so I do it.
When I was gonna die in the last bit of Trikanasana (because I really like my Standing Series Story more than the Standing Series), I'm gonna sit & my self scolding was interrupted with, Hey! Aren't you that girl who did three Rabbits yesterday? Oh! That's me! I jump up & back in to my fullest possible (I'm gonna nail this or die trying!!!) expression Yeah, that's what I thought Miss Jenner.
I let my head fill with direction, with inspiration, with pride for double-exhale sit-ups wherein knees contacted with exactly forehead, with Do more with less and The longest 6 inches is the journey from your mind to your heart.
I breathed. I rested; quickly, intentionally, quietly. I stretched. I shut-the-fuck-up and got my ass to work. And I wasn't the least bit tired.
I am so veryveryvery grateful. For me & my team.
Today's photo inspired by Kimya Dawson, who asks we love ourselves enough to Shake It! on Tuesdays. So I did!

Sixty Days: Day 37

Wow. I drag my ass to the studio, like really wanting to be anywhere else. I know it's a combination of all the feels being dredged up in this whole process. I know I should be gentle with my 44 year old face sprinkled with my 15 year old self's zits. And I'm just so tired. Tired of being tired. Ack.
And Miss J is teaching. She's iron beneath her gentle aura and sweet, ohsovery sweet voice. At first she's not enough, my monkey is leading my by the nose through every excuse possible, constant reminders of tiredness. Exhausting to chase it around, so I sit out 2nd set of triangle. I begin with a stern lecture on how I blew the *ev'pose ev'time* claim; really?! Suddenly I smile, I breathe, I look in my eyes and thank me, my brain fills with the dialogue and I'm back in the game!
With several new students, I was asked to demonstrate Rabbit. Oh myyyy! I love coaching thru poses, I went so high (deep), so curved & stretched. Then did two more. So good for me!
I'm back. I'm here & I'm ready to not be tired anymore. Except for very good reasons ;)