The second half begins! And much sweatier than the first. It seems the new heater wasn't working as it should; oh it is now!
Miss K led practice, killing me without letting me die. Bikram magic.
90 times I've practiced since July. 90 times I've had to look at myself, my whole entire almost naked self, in the mirror. A true gift. Yet another gift.
A milestone! Thirty days of practice, not perfect.
Looking at myself in the mirror, I thanked me for my dedication, for the work done and the work we're striving to do. I am so grateful for this chance to take me on, every day; to realize this is not as difficult as I've feared.
Quiet. So much value in quiet.
Magic.
Tonight's class was led by E, commonly known as The Goat Chaser. I know in her classes, keeping my peace is my lesson upon the lessons.
Which I made look easy. I knew to keep my breath; less/no need to ever get it back this way. So I soldiered through, to her powerful standards, every pose, every time.
Ran out of calories. I need to eat more & eat better.
The good parts: slow & steady rocks Standing Bow Pulling; strong glutes = strong Locust series; one legged balance *much* easier if weight is centered in foot, i.e. hip over knee over ankle.
Doing Bikram immediately before a big Interpreting job was the smartest thing I've done all year! My arms felt great & so did I :)
Strong practice. Every pose, every time. Today C opened with Look in the mirror and smile at your best teacher. So I did; and kept a close eye on her throughout class.
I decided to drop my self-sabotaging thoughts about the standing series. Funny how the biggest obstacle to deep expression is my own misplaced conversation. So I rocked my balancing stick and triangle(!). Discovered the benefit to abdominal strength in nearly every pose: pada hastasana, cobra & locust especially! Went into first toe stand without abs engaged and proceeded to flop & flail, working frantically (frantic + yoga = win, yeah?) to recover - didn't happen. Second set was set up properly and balance was easy. I was able to push my knee down, stretch up and lean back. Big, long stretch of stillness was my gift.
Then! I had my heretofore unnoticed vacation stolen from my camel pose! C came by with the yardstick, my fists are 8" not 6". With a much smaller gap, my camel stretch is as divine as it deserves to be!
Because that weren't enough, I lost my kickstand in spine twist, too. A totally different stretch when you're leading yourself around yourself by your own hand!
Whew. A great day, I'd say.
So good for you <3
Planning an escape/retreat for myself, to Los Angeles. Needing some distance & perspective & yeah, warm sunshine, to see this life of mine, anew.
Class felt like worthy practice.
After a very, very hot & not so humid 90 minutes, locker room talk was entertaining. New victims were upset with the "Listen to the words, don't look around" admonition. One had a Grand Story, possibly even a note from her doctor, justifying her Can't Can't Can't Tale. I said, Well, as long as you're listening to your mind tell you what you can't do in there, you won't be able to listen to the yoga. Should you, however, decide to listen to the dialogue instead of your voices, you'll do great.
Not a popular perspective, I know. American'ts abound! Myself included. Definitely a moment of teaching best what I need to learn most (Richard Bach). Learning is what keeps happening.
It doesn't get easier, it gets better.
Easy is a flowing concept. As one bit eases, another digs into real depth of work. My postures, my thoughts, my life. It's all there: easy bits and working hard bits.
Shifting mental gears, that gets easier. Quieting gets easier. Finding my breath. Taking care of me. Speaking to myself in soothing words amidst chaos. Easier and better.
Hot guns? Bonus!
Oh yeah, 40%!
So much (mental) chaos outside of the studio, it was a treat to just follow today's dialogue.
Today an exhausted C was instructing; we had several giggleasana surprises. And news: 25 Day Holiday Challenge (overlaps my 60 Day) with donation to foodbank in participant's honor and an upcoming January clinic with (somebody famous). I signed up for the the Challenge (Christmas stickers!!!!) and will likely do the clinic.
After class today, I mentioned I would someday like to love the Standing Series as much as I love the Floor. C mentioned my sentiment is opposite of common. No surprise.
C often reads to us during our first (long & sometimes difficult) savasana. I love being read to anyway, her choices are always *spot on* for my life. Today, no exception:
THERE'S A HOLE IN MY SIDEWALK Autobiography in Five Short Chapters By Portia Nelson
Chapter One: I walk down the street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I fall in. I am lost .... I am helpless. It isn't my fault. It takes forever to find a way out.
Chapter Two: I walk down the street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I pretend that I don't see it. I fall in again. I can't believe I am in this same place. But, it isn't my fault. It still takes a long time to get out.
Chapter Three: I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I see it is there. I still fall in ... it's a habit ... but, my eyes are open. I know where I am. It is my fault. I get out immediately.
Chapter Four: I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I walk around it.
Chapter Five: I walk down another street.
Monkey Mind Practice
I had my favorite goat-chasing instructor, E. My challenge in her class is always to keep my peace, find my breath, shift my perspective. I am always, ultimately, grateful to share this time with her.
Arriving was difficult, once the threshold was crossed, however, my stories quieted to a dull roar.
I realized, while in our savasana, the reason there is constant dialogue in a Bikram room is to keep your own inner (mostly self-sabotaging & defeatist) chatter at bay. For 90 minutes your head is filled with Lock Your Knee, Trust, Do It, So good for you, Find Your Breath, Focus, Meditate, No collapsing, Make up your mind … and the thousands of other golden, empowering nuggets of encouragement. You're taken to your own edge, placed in vulnerable positions (physical & emotional) and filled to the brim with your own power and strength. Like nothing else on the planet. Maybe this is what is feels like to be not-crazy. It sure feels like crazy-reduction, which sounds a lot like quiet. New and very nice for me.
Struggling with your own Monkey Mind Chatter? You owe it to you both (you as mind, you as body) to practice, practice, practice. You're worth it.
Promise.
I can make that promise, as I'm just discovering my own worthiness. Feels great!
