Morton Salt Girl

Some days....

I finally got in touch with Tony yesterday, even honored with his presence for a few hours :) We planned to hang out at a coffeeshop, but many places were closed and the open shops were packed, so we got coffee to go, then drove around and talked. As always, it was amazing; comfortable and smooth.
Though, I was bi-polar the most of the day, either manic from lack of sleep and denial or depressed and ready for the marathon tear-fest that's a-comin' I knew either deep, full exhaustion or release were the options to getting a good night's sleep! And I just wasn't yet ready to cry it out...

I got back several books from him, including Illusions: The Tale of a Reluctant Messiah. While pondering sleep upon my return home, I picked it up and it opened to:

The mark of your ignorance is the depth of your belief
in injustice and tragedy.
What the caterpillar calls the end of the world,
the master calls a butterfly.

and as I ponder that thought and what it means to my grieving... I turn the page to:

Don't be dismayed at good-byes.
A farewell is necessary before you can meet again.
And meeting again, after moments or lifetimes,

is certain for those who are friends.

What amazing comfort, once again (as the book explains) from opening a book to a random page and finding the personal message contained therein. The book begins with a great story, including a great parable therein. The parable is about these creatures who cling because it's what they know; releasing and flowing with the current is unknown and surely dangerous, deadly even! One creature takes the risk, rolls with the current and sure enough, is beaten and banged as he seeks his way. Then he releases his emotional attachment to even that event and is amazingly lifted above the turmoil and is able to flow without obstacle. As he begins to share his journey, with those who can make the same choice as easily has he did, just let go, his message is missed as folks are more interested in the miracle of his freedom than the lessons of the easy possibility their own freedoms. He is made a messiah. Beautiful story; the rest of the book is equally amazing and filled with infinite wisdom. I read this book a few times a year for the past 16 years; ever since my amazing friend Dave Reed gave me a Richard Bach collection for my birthday... thanks!
I pulled out of my reverie to make another delicious dinner. For Hannah, we had Alfredo pasta with chicken. Hayden jumped right in to the kitchen work; *just* like his daddy, loves to cook!
Drummer boy even came over to enjoy the bounty :) He also brought along some Iowa cigarettes (which he did feel guilty for bringing to me on such a monumental day, maybe he should have brought something more life affirming - but he did! himself) as well as some mama beer and, most importantly, great Soulful Comfort. Too bad he works ungodly hours, we coulda lounged on my bed for many more hours... it was aaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhsome! I sent Illusions home with him to read :)
I was feeling peaceful and ready to get that much needed, restful sleep...
I got to wake up to a sweet text message and a happy, happy back-to-nights Boy :) Ya know, between the weird transition periods of understanding (which is really what grieving is, innnit?) there are these bright shiny joyful happy periods... for all of them I am grateful; today, however, I'm mostly grateful for the ones that feel good. ♥
helps that the moon tide has arrived... gonna clip my nails before putting the Keeper back in, however - ow!