Real Life Update

I realize the absence of blogging is the absence of documenting me. Somewhere along the path, shame overwhelmed my story. I became embarrassed by Past Self. To avoid further shame for Future Self, I shut up. 

Not that I'm truly ready, willing, or capable of bare naked honesty, I am ready to head that direction. (Cue the screaming choir of regret & pain) I cannot survive lugging around the baggage that no longer serves my highest purpose. 

I wish I'd better documented the most of this year, I would have a beautiful story (could that I read it detached from its bittersweet reality) of self care, true love, stretched boundaries, communication, lies, broken hearts, tears, gnashing teeth, fear, shame, embarrassment, strength, courage, resilience, and the yoga. Perhaps it's better kept in my memory. See? Fear. Right there. Gotcha. Shaking with it. Can't face it if I can't see it, eh? 

Rough year, wild year. I am learning, learning, learning; between bouts of shutting down for the whole hugeness of the lessons. I wish I could clearly communicate what I need, to myself even! Herein lies my biggest obstacle: I asked clearly, I communicated clearly, created space, and received (yay!), then it was gone. Poof. All an illusion. Bringing back a quite rabid rendition of You're Not Worthy (who had been presumed dead & gone for months). Conquering/quieting/befriending/repurposing that choir may be the biggest challenge of my diana career. 

So I start with food. Gluten free for a couple of months (with few instances of contamination), dairy free for more than a month. Eating high protein everything I can find/afford. 

52 Days

Mountain Pose progress!

Still working on locking my right kicker whilst keeping left standing locked! 

Standing Bow was beautiful today. John's class filled with giggleasanas, as usual. 

Did NOT want to practice today. So very fecking glad I did! 

Day 29

Training Day, after class. 

Day 28 September Challenge

That'd be locked knees, both sides, two days in a row. 

I've missed Steve's voice! Reminders to ask my body what it has available today, that I'm stronger than I think, to finish strong -because I'm worthy. 

Need to polish my postures, less depth focus and more detail focus. 

Day 27 September Challenge

Day 25 September Challenge

Big conversations of avoiding the studio, big talk of staying home, again! Of course, Miss Kacie led me exactly where I needed to go. Tough practice, always when I let the monkey have too many free days, and I made it ev'pose, ev'time. 

Day 22 September Challenge

I am comforted knowing I only need to nail this posture on one side. I can relax and let my right kicker maintain its own pace. So very close. I shall likely kick left in both Standing Bow and Head to Knee in competition. Grace, ya know, is easier with fewer turns. And my right knee is so good at locking when balanced upon. 

I love when I get distracted with the timer on! 

I love how calm I am about being photographed (and published!) in this position, in these clothes, with that relaxed belly. 

I love that I can release my fear of being forced to squat like this to make room for my belly. 

I love leaving my bullshit on a sweat soaked towel after 90 minutes (or, like today 2.5 hours) in the Torture Chamber. 

Wait for it...

I love me. 

Day 16 September Challenge

Today's practice with Mr John was filled with the giggleasana I needed! 

Tired, stiff, achey, not enough calories, powered thru 4:30pm. 

Legs nearly locked in Padahastasana, and that's only pose 3. 

Day 15 September Challenge

9 am practice, plus 11 am training. 

Day 14 September Challenge

Whew. Kick ass 7am with Miss Elizabeth. A room filled with teachers always shifts the energy in the room, it a positive & strong way. Every pose, every time. 

Then, this happened. Elbows bent & knee stayed locked. My right side kick is millimeters from locked! This progress is inspiring me to really train, in earnest, for the regional competition. I actually said the words: I think I'll compete. 45 years old, what do I have to lose? *deep breath* 

Standing Head to Knee

Standing Bow

Floor bow

Stretching 

Rabbit 

2 poses of my choice 

Training tomorrow after 9am practice. I am excited.