Mighty Awesome Monday

Take this O'Voice of Doubt:

As Alex's World of Food expands with me, we have agreed upon a code of conversation.  I want to uphold and honor his food needs, while opening his culinary world; He wants to trust me to feed him without judgment and open his culinary world in a gentle fashion.  We now view offers of new foods as "Challenges" - there is no attachment to the outcome of said challenges, I think of it as Strewing Food and this is the term he chose to use. So many examples of his courageous acceptance of challenges this summer! To his rotation he has added: Newman O's (mint and chocolate!!), 2 flavors of Dutch Cheese, Coconut Bliss, stevia sweetened koolaid things, Cheddar Cheese Popcorn, Trader Joe's Goodies ... And Today.... Tortellini! The Magic works something like this:
A: Hey Diana 
D: Hey Alex
A: That pasta I had yesterday was really good!
D:Would you like me to make you some pasta today?
A: That would be *AmAzInG* 
D: Oh wait! We're out of penne, but I've got some of that tortellini we talked about, if you want to try that.
A: Hmmmm (full minute of thinking) Challenge Accepted!
While cooking, Alex takes a stroll past the stove....
A: Diana, I didn't notice that they were different colors before. I hope it's not as horrible as the different colored Goldfish. The red was okay, but the rest of the colors? Yuck.
D: I hope you notice the different flavors are the actual foods the different pastas are made of, not the chemicals that make up the colors in a laboratory.
A: Me, too.
Large bowl of Tortellini, layered with shredded Parmigiano-Reggiano cheese...
A: Hey Diana?
D: Yes Alex
A: I taste tested the colors and, well, the green ones taste funny.
D: I thought you'd think so, they're made from spinach.
A: Oh.
D: I can take the green ones out when I make it for you.
A: That'd be great.
(Bowl abandoned, non green tortellini tainted by association with greens. I understand, without comment)
A few hours later...
A: Hey Diana?
D: Hey Alex
A: Can we try pasta again? Without the green ones?
D: Of course!
I remove the green torts and put them back in the bag, cooking the yellow & orange ones.  Alex enters the kitchen and picks up the package.
A: Diana?
D: Yes Alex?
A: I think the weird flavor might be they're stuffed with cheese.
D: Maybe. Would you like me to make you a different pasta? Or would you like a bowl of rice with salt at this point?
A: Rice & SALT!
D: Can do!
In four minutes, I served him a bowl of Organic Jasmine Rice with Himalayan Pink Salt ♥ Both a far cry from Minute Rice and Morton's. 

Meanwhile, I began with washing the dishes (as an excuse to listen to MORE Storm of Swords), moved on to the window sill, the window, the curtain, the frame, the walls, the crown molding, the cupboards, the floor, the moving of furniture... I had no idea the impact of wiping the front of one's refrigerator - it looks so prettyful!! 

Hayden designed his own birthday present - a custom 360 controller - and he shared the joy with me this morning! I can't wait to make this dream come true for him ♥ Another birthday request is a ticket to see his favorite band... today he requests a ticket to a FESTIVAL where they're playing, he can attend with friends and I'm offered the option of not attending, not because I'm personally lame, but because he worries I might not have a good time.  He's Awesome!  

When we are traveling in a few weeks, on our Awesome Adventures to return the Spare Children, we will have a chance to see - AGAIN - an Andy Warhol exhibit ♥ A couple of years ago, we happened to be in town at the same time as a Rodin exhibit, a second chance for us then, too. We're good at being in the same place as Awesome Art!

....so when that voice creeps in again, I'll just pull up this post and remember... 

The Mood Barometer

As I become more Native in my Oregon Home, I am beginning to recognize the signals of atmospheric interference with my summer sun induced mania. Most notably, the absence of sunshine when it should be very sunny. The presence of heavy, grey skies when it's not winter. My awesome wanes toward awful (aweless, more like it) and my proverbial Ass is a-Draggin' and I do not like it, not one bit! The emotional equivalent of Too Much Gravity does not belong in summer; certainly NOT My Summer! 

So I kicked it out. 

I looked at today's once-again-and-never-before-rainy-skies-in-July & acknowledged Today's gonna take a bit more gumption than I'd budgeted, good thing I've got reserves. And I do. Gumption doesn't run out, doesn't wear out, doesn't go anywhere -- I'm the one who takes it for granted on the sunny days with fun lists of sunshiney summery chores to do. Gumption's still right here on the grey days, just tougher to turn towards and utilize; that Too Much Gravity Syndrome. I'd not want to answer for wasting or neglecting such a Valuable Gift as Gumption.  If the mind can think it, the body can move towards it.  

Perhaps in the dark and swirly ways of the Oregon rainy sky; perhaps in the quicker breezy ways of the Oregon blue summer sky. Always in the ways of diana. 

As it should be. 

Awesome! 

Dizzying Ride

I was this close to The Dream.

From the Death of a Waterbug...

Doesn't seem real, though, I didn't even take the time to blog about it.  I invested a lot of work, a lot of faith & was on the verge of Doing It, when the road turned abruptly then ended.
It was days after my partner said "I Quit" when signs began to appear that the path we were on was headed for trouble. The World is Not Ready. I can be patient.
I can heal. I can trust. I can learn.
I can dare to Dream another Dream.
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Instead, I have this summer to Be Joyful & Free.
I've got Alex & Lizabeth to keep the house full of even more laughter, while Hayden emerges from his cocoon to bless us with his entertainment. We've done the beach and we'll do it again! daVinci Days is this coming weekend. Oregon Country Fair was last weekend. The sun is mostly shining (but for yesterday and today) The chickens are growing and happy, as is the garden. Charlie the Big Black Fuzzy Dog is happy & scratchy, as always.  Artemis & Spot & Ford run wild, pouncing one another in the tall grass, the Unmowed Jungle.

Cat's in the Hammock

If we can keep Ford home at night, he'll not be racing across the highway to do the feline equivalent of me walking into Mike Tyson's house and punching him in the face. And Mike Tyson's mom won't have to lock him away until she takes him to kitty jail, to save his own stupid ass! As his first trip to jail resulted in castration, we're hoping once the testosterone is gone, so will his need to prove himself (prove himself tasty!) any longer.  We can hope.
Minerva Mjölnir the volvo has died. I shall be making a trip over to her resting spot to clean her out, one last time. It's the curse of the bumper stickers: I just put 6 new unschooling stickers on her. A big prayer of Thanks to all the Gods consulted on her death placement: 12 miles from home at midnight is preferable to any other far worse case scenarios in the universe. Especially considering the sheer number of miles I cover in a year.  Again, many thanks ♥
Pippi Lea Fanta Pants, a red, 2003 Ford Focus, has petitioned for a place in our family, we shall be meeting her soon. I ordered stickers special for her adoption: Eleven & Pond, of Dr. Who, drawn in Calvin & Hobbes style.
Why not? Life is short & I got lots of Awesome to share.

Awesome Outreach, My Art

An unknown Hero posted one of these at the Life is Good Unschooling Conference, 2010. I've kept my "take home reminder" in a sacred place. Now! is the perfect time for me to share the Awesome reminder with my community! A few sheets of cardstock & a supply of sharpies and stickers, then it was color copies at Kinkos ♥

I've reminded many of my favorite service folk 'round town, 

their Awesome is important to my Awesome Life ♥ 

There are signs hanging in random spots 'round Corvallis

I gave out hundreds of reminders at Oregon Country Fair

& I left the empty signs hanging in Awesome spots (like the porta-potty!)

My dotty sign (below) was complimented by Earl Newman. 

Sign Making is the Art that sings to me,
my favorite creative expression. 

My Quest is to find new and Awesome ways to use my skillz! 

Go ahead, make your sign.
Hang it up! Flash Strangers!
Giving away Awesome adds to your own Awesome

Awesome Quest Challenge I

Awesome Quest Challenge I: Part of being Awesome for me is pushing myself out of my comfort zone. My comfort zone sure is comfortable, but not terribly enjoyable. There are a lot of things I hold myself back from. How can you take a step out of that zone this week? What have you been holding yourself back from? 

There's a common thread among hoarders and clutterers: a fear of doing it wrong keeps us from doing it at all.  I'd rather my house be judged by what I don't do than by what I do wrong. Somewhere inside me, that has made sense for a long time & justified many hours of escape from what I should be doing.  Part of Awesome Quest 2011 (AQ11) for me, is stepping outside of those excuses and having the Awesome Home in reality that I have in my fantasy.  

• Daily dishwashing
• Chalkboard paint on cupboards (still in progress, Red coat #286 coming soon!)
• Chicken Coop acquired & mostly primed
• Plans for Chicken Coop TARDIS Painting & Police Box Signage
• First Coil Pot in Pottery 101, plans for Berry Bowl & lidded jars 
• Plans for mailbox remodel
• Fun times, fully engaged, with all three+ kids 
• 4 pieces of art for daVinci Days
• Clarification in messy relationship ending
• Laundry pile down to actual pile from mountain
• Hammock in the TREE! 
• You Are AWESOME outreach posters (5 variations created)
• Love & attention to Garden 

What I've earned from this is Awesome beyond measure... Not only do I feel more at home in a Home that feels like, well, HOME, I feel more me. I am pretty Awesome. It's time I start remembering that on a momentary basis. We're all happier when I do :)  When mama ain't feelin' her Awesome, ain't NOBODY feeling her Awesome ♥
...and more (most?!) importantly:

When Mama's feelin' her Awesome, 

EVERYBODY feels Awesome! ♥ 

Mirror Cleaning Time

My primary relationship is with myself- all others are mirrors of it. As I learn to love myself, I automatically receive the love and appreciation that I desire from others. If I am committed to myself and to living my truth, I will attract others with equal commitment. My willingness to be intimate with my own deep feelings creates the space for intimacy with another. ~Shakti Gawain

Minerva's Amazing Adventure

Crusin' along in my Volvo

Minerva's been struggling, poor thing.  She's got some weird electrical thing going on, which probably includes, and is more likely not limited to, her alternator.  Yay! Mechanic #1 actually sent her home, mistaking her charged battery for a miracle. In the meantime, I decided to charge the battery as needed and just continue furnishing my apartment in denial, driving her willy-nilly.

Then, that one day, my tooth broke. And Minerva took a shit in the bank parking lot's battery died in the bank drive-thru. I took her battery home, charged it, and moved her to the street. I went about my business, in denial, until I had to move her. So I did. I moved her just a few blocks down the street, swearing I'd get ahold of a mechanic and gimp her along to getting fixed. She does deserve it.

Touched by Angels ♥

Got another letter reminding me to move her along, so today I set out to do just that -- even had a safe route in mind where I could pull over and park when I ran out of battery power. It's an instant thing, so I had to be careful in my planning.  I turned the corner and she was gone.

The self-berating tape was on auto-play, when loud and clear I said: Well, where's the gift in THIS ugly wrapping paper?  I imagined talking to the woman from the city: I'm trying to find the gift in this ugly wrapping paper, can you help? The tow-truck driver/neighbor/storage mobster: Can you show me the gift in all this ugly wrapping paper? Somehow, this mantra calmed me and gave me something to seek, something to do, a new way to be. Find the gift. 

Volvo Refuge

I drove past the tow/storage place and didn't see her, a broken phone mic delayed my call to the city, so I napped. 

I was awakened by Jay, a stranger who's father discovered my car in his driveway this morning. Somehow dad thought Jay had something to do with it. The keys were still in the ignition.  Instead of calling the police, he found out who I was, where I lived and knocked on the door. ♥

And there she was, right in Dad's driveway, her seat moved back and comfortably reclined. Hm.

We moved her a couple of miles closer to home and took her battery for charging. We'll move her a few more  miles tomorrow. And we'll be oh, so grateful to do so ♥

TP: Sepia (Jizo)

Depression is deep if I'm not taking pictures. It's been a rough couple of months, I've few pictures to show for it. 

Coming out of the fog just in time for the end of Sepia Week for Thematic Photographic with my Jizo, in his new home just outside my window.

Hannah's Jizo

My Worst Fear

summa teeth - eek!

Tuesday I was sitting at the computer and my tongue found chunks. A tooth had crumbled, succumbing to the cavity I'd denied for weeks. A tooth people can see. I can no longer deny the declining state of my chompers! With the holidays fast approaching, my Dental Work Savings had accumulated exactly zero.
I managed to scrape up 150$ before calling local dentists on Wednesday morning.  I did find *one* dentist in Corvallis working a full day. His office, however, was unable to serve me within my budget. (to be detailed in a much longer blog post of it's own)
I began to search in nearby Albany, and quickly found Gentle Dentistry: 1) open, 2) available, and 3) willing to work within my budget ♥ Not to mention, upon answering the phone, the lovely Tina had me taking deep breaths, calming down and feeling well cared for ♥

temporary filling,
permanent smile

Dr. Phan cleaned my hole and threw on a patch good enough for the holiday weekend, sans biting, all for 117$.
He gave me an appointment for this afternoon at 3:30; yes, he said, he'll be staying late for this one. He's giving me a discount for paying cash. Cash for a 700$ procedure I have approximately 33$ available to fund.
Refusing to accept an ugly smile until 1) dentistry becomes affordable, (pick yourselves up), 2) I win the lottery, or 3) I'm able to nickel and dime my way into a dentist's office, I ponder the options.
I kicked off my SaveMySmile campaign on Twitter, asking for 70 followers to donate 10$, then I moved to Facebook, asking each of my 600+ friends to PayPal just 1$. I'm well aware it's a bit like the NPR Pledge Week, still amazing and just a bit annoying. I apologize. And smile :D
I found this nametag in my shuffling and turned it into this sign ♥




~♥~ ~♥~ ~♥~To date, an hour from my actual appointment, I've managed to raise 75% of what I need, contributing an additional 10% myself. I've more than 50 families to thank from the bottom of my heart, with the biggest smile of all, for making this happen! I'm about to have the most anticipated rootcanal in history and I've rarely been happier.

Eggs and 'tetchup

Eggs & 'tetchup

I once had the best wife in the universe, who just happened to be one studly hunk of a man. An unbiased opinion, that, I swear. Mitch was of the "Wash, Clean, Cook? YES!" mentality that I still cannot quite understand. Happy to appreciate these skills, in my confusion, make no mistake, I'm very grateful! Especially considering Wash, Clean, Cook were happily joined by Play and Change Diapers ♥

When he fell undeniably ill, mid-October, there was no denying a shift of responsibilities was inevitable. I wasn't ready for imminent, inevitable was fine.
Mitch's mother came to visit for Thanksgiving. I prepared by asking, pleading, begging, admonishing and threatening Mitch to remain still and docile, for a few weeks, to allow his bruises to heal.  We knew they came from his Lumbering About Adventures, including walls, doorways and floors; she did not. Already, he was a scary sight post-stroke, I'll admit, and I was there every day to watch the rapidlyslow decline of his body. She was in for the shock of her life, I wanted to soften it as much as I could, with whatever energy I could muster.  (FYI - he didn't listen)

I'm honored that food was her only issue with his care. Mostly I remember she made him oatmeal, his childhood favorite, like when he was 8.  Mitch really liked it with steamed milk and thank the heavens Mitch's mother was there to provide this peek at someone who'd been a stranger for almost 25 years of my life and my husband for merely 5. These peeks were numbered, sacred and running out at alarming speed.  I make oatmeal with water, he made it with water, she found comfort in providing the milk ♥

Oh look! Eggs & 'tetchup

On his last day with his mom in town, I made breakfast. And documented it.
My kids liked Eggs & 'tetchup because their dad made it for them whenever they asked. They liked Cheese Toast because Daddy told them the very best cheese comes wrapped in individual slices & tastes great slapped on dry toast.
It was two days later when I offered the kids breakfast and they ran to Mitch's dresser. Puzzled, I followed and observed as they opened his sock drawer, I helped them rifle around until we found the (unbeknownst to me) mega-stash of Everlasting Gobstoppers.  Apparently, the breakfast of other champions named Jenner. Daily part of the lounging-in-bed-before-actually-getting-up routine. Probably followed by a trip to the kitchen with real food, before the family shower at 11:30 am.
A part of the day that was theirs alone with Dad; with routines and rhythms and scents and sounds so different than my own; different even than when I am present. I was suddenly extra sad for them, for this intimacy they'd lost and perhaps never remember. And I stopped. They'd been given the gift of a father, for the briefest of moments, who was their playmate, their champion, their sun & moon. Perhaps not to be a memory for the brain at all, but a memory designed for one's heart and soul.
And that memory is moving towards making it all worthwhile ♥