For the Love of Pastries & Maths

I successfully accomplished les croissant! Intimidating, indeed, yet incredibly satisfying and proud-making.

They are, quite possibly, the least expensive ingredient-containing delicacy with the most labor intensive creation process. Worth every single moment hour spent ♥  [The yeast dough started  at 4pm; 4 hour rest; rolling in of butter and laminating two batches (3 turns/1/2 hour rest between) took 3 hours; 5 hour rest (I napped); 1 hour roll out; 2 hour proof (which coulda/shoulda been 3); 24 minutes of edge-of-seat-waiting = We were chomping at 9 am the following day]

Quite definitely, this is the most sensual dough I've ever had the luxury to handle; it's like the silkiest, smoothest, most perfect baby skin-like texture in the universe. When you ask it, quite nicely of course, to perform magic, like becoming the perfect rectangle from which to make croissant, it purrs: Anything for you, and viola! I'm a pastry chef. A pastry chef who isn't intimidated by words like laminate and isosceles triangle.

Following my first major baking mathmatics success, I moved on to a very personal culinary challenge. A challenge that has haunted me for more than 2 years: Cutting brownies at Sunnyside Up.  Laugh, go ahead. Sure. I've been banned for financial reasons. This weekend, we ran out of both OMG Brownies  and authorized brownie cutters. So as not to deprive Corvallis of such deliciousness any longer, I did my brownie maths. Properly sized parchment, folded perfectly into 8x3 brownie dimensions (even factoring in the trimmed edges!) really, really, really helped me visualize what I was seeking to accomplish & worked as an amazing guide for cutting the lines.  

Today, in this 3rd year as a baker at Sunnyside Up, I cut and packaged an entire tray of OMG Brownies, with ZERO casualties ♥
Because once you can do les croissant, you can do anything!

As April Quickly Evaporates

Yeah, I know it's barely started! Remember March? That went by in like 3.56 days. 

So, right now, right this minute, on the 7th day of April, I am awake alone. Occasionally joined by a mildly interested Charlie. [Who, by the way, fetched and returned 7/7 balls tossed today. No wrassling necessary!]

Hayden is asleep on the sofa, probably to awaken soon, and hungry.  We'll pop down to Sunnyside Up for our dose of bacon. I might convince him to hit the pottery studio with me...

Alas, I jump the wrong way on the timeline! I'm working backwards... Last night was the second meeting of my Clay Exploration class. After a frustrating week of wheel failures investing some hours this week to figure out the 10,000 unsuccessful pulling techniques, I did manage to taste the sweet, sweet nectar of success. First, I learned to walk the fuck away and take a deep breath (then 12 more). I rolled coils and listened to French lessons, after the wheel became personal.  I laugh now, I was almost crying on Friday. Second, I found a friend who is passionate about claywork and invited him to join me. He's good and he still collapses beautiful works. And guess what. He doesn't take it personally. This is a meditative and calm-requiring* undertaking. Probably the perfect thing for me right now. I successfully began 5 bowls!

Buddha left last week. I miss him dearly. I know CJ's ecstatic to have him back on the truck and this whole figgerin' out a new living arrangement is but a bump in the road of his happy happy life. And should that happy arrangement not work out so happily, Buddha can return here to us. Just in time to move in with Chance!
Yes, the Dread Boy is returning to Oregon ♥ this time to put to good use the vast knowledge of farming he has amassed during his time back in Los Angeles. Meanwhile, supporting a local organic farmer by bringing his incredible enthusiasm and a breath of much needed fresh air to the project. If ever there were a ready-made win/win/win situation, this is it!

Before that we had a whirlwind visit from the Traaseths! ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ Which included, of course, a trip to the ocean where we mostly froze while trying not to be blown away... [we were all a lot tougher when we lived in the middle of no where! Blood thins fast!]

except for Hayden and Kyra, somehow they had an hour or so of being impervious to the weathers.

Twas an eventful and emotional few days. I think I'm still recovering.

Truth is, Hannah's not visiting at their house, ready to come home at any moment.

Quite frankly, that's a truth I don't like very much.

And it's a truth who's time has come, whether I like it or not, it's time.

I want to see the world (of Kyra) for what is there, not for what is missing.

For nothing truly is, everything is right here, right now...

And that's my nutshell, a chunk of it at least... a beginning. again.

~~~~~~~~~~

*Tally speak

TP: In Memory of Trees (& their flowers)

These blossoms in the corner of the yard were a wonderful surprise this spring!
They're the perfect subjects for my new camera. When I can get to them without rain or wind interference, that is.  I suppose I should use the windy, rainy time to figure out what to call this miracle besides "Beautiful." Then again, Why bother?

Got Chicken?

Parenting as a Sacrament of Faith

At the moment of transubstantiation (changing of (the Eucharist bread and wine) into the body and blood of Christ) in every mass, in every Catholic church, in every corner of the known universe, there are specific, sacred words recited together:

Lord, I am not worthy to receive you, but only say the word and I shall be healed. 

Only say the word and I shall be healed.
I shall be healed. 

Power in those words. Power in saying those words aloud. Power in hearing others profess their ability to be healed with a word. The word. YES

Pray for healing and the answer comes, sometimes softly and sometimes with loud trumpets, Yes. That is the word. Shall you be healed? Yes. Shall I be healed? Yes. Shall we all have healing available at any time we're ready to hear the word? YES. 

When I look into the eyes of those I love (and those yet do not know I love) and think these words, there's a shift in the value of what's about to happen between us, because I have deemed it an interaction of healing proportions.  What might the world be like if every interaction held this honor? What the world might be like if we welcomed our children with these words. Child, I am not worthy to receive you, but only say the word and I shall be healed.  

And in our souls, we hear the word, Yes. Receive me and be healed. 

If in each and every interaction with our Gifts-as-Children our thoughts began, I am not worthy to receive you, but only say the word and I shall be healed. Might our knee-jerk-bullshit-childhood-connections be shed at last? Might we burst out of our hardened cocoon-of-the-past as the beautiful butterfly-in-the-Now? Might we hear the whisper of Yes, perhaps the shouts of you are better than this? Might we be able to listen, simply because healing is possible? Might we accept our challenges head on if we hear them say, Receive me and be healed? 

I say Yes. ♥

More than Good Bacon

That's right I said More than good bacon. Because bacon in the mornings isn't enough, Sunnyside Up, determined to be worthy of so much more of your time, affection, and paycheck, has brought me you night-time bacon. That's right. Friday and Saturday nights, you can join me for some crispy pork 'round the community table. Phil even made my plate all pretty ♥ 

Indeed, however, there is more to this Sunnyside Up Master Plan than an evening of fatback (backfat?), oh yes, there is still MORE!

Jon wants more of your waistline, too, so he's dubbed me Pastry chef and commissioned irresistible desserts. Desserts that will make you glad you were born, just to have tasted them. Desserts I get to make my-very-own-self. Desserts filled with the passion of my calling. Desserts I hope taste of all that is good and right in the world, for they represent all that is good and right in My World.

Perhaps your heart is not stirred by bacon, flourless chocolate cake with handmade raspberry sauce, nor (soon-to-be-famous) cheesecake with handmade rum caramel sauce... perhaps you need, for your tastebuds' bodhicitta moment, some of my most amazing carrot cake featuring maple cream cheese frosting

My Carrotcake happens to be best accompanied by a Beefcake from Kinda Delicious, though a nice Chardonnay or Yeti Warmer will do in a pinch. 

If you get to experience Kinda Delicious with Carrotcake *and* a Yeti Warmer, you're in heaven ♥

'tis Spring again (almost!)

It seems to me, just about the time the human psyche is pulled to it's fullest in one direction, the wind shifts. Spring arrives. The sun shines. There's another chance to do something else.

I've taken to waking up well-rested and happy lately; it's a nice shift. Deciding finally that I've reached my quota of inertia & apathy, especially towards my home. Somewhere along my life's journey, I decided I didn't have the skills to do it all really well and that's meant not doing anything at all. For far too long. 

I know I am genetically predisposed to star on two *reality* television shows currently running: How Clean is Your House? (BBC America) and Hoarders (A&E). I've struggled finding joy in keeping my home, it's such a fight to resist the temptation of apathy. So what if I just skip that fight and keep my damned home, because it creates joy to have a diana-kept home? Fuck-n-a. Hello, Apathy, glad you came to visit, here's the remote. I'll not be needing your services today, I'll be out in the garden or in the kitchen.  For I must also remember I'm genetically predisposed to garden magnificently and create magical baked goods.
The yard is free of debris and junk. The garage is free of nasty rental-house carpet rolls. The porch is free of trash and recycling. The kitchen is shiny and awaiting it's finishing touches. The garden is started and growing. The trees are exploding with pink and yellow and white and green. The world is ready to rejoice in all that is Spring. And so is my Heart. Amen.
(as I hit publish and joyfully wash the clothing for which I am so grateful...)

Today's a New Day

And I'm gonna sing!

Right now, it's Hello Goodbye... though this picture sends Bowling for Soup's "Come Back to Texas" through my heart ♥

This time I've taken away from blogging, away from the chaos of keeping up, has created room in my life for intense and amazing breakthroughs...

Lately, I'm especially attentive to these messages:

*Do More!

*meet thoughts and feelings with compassionate acceptance. The way I do this is to say to the thought or feeling (as if it were my precious infant child), "I'm here for you."

*Growth begins at the edge of your Comfort Zone

*Does it need to be heard? Even by me, in my own head?

*Is that really the Truth?

I'm stepping out and stepping up. It's scary and exciting. Today, I enter my 5th year without Hannah's physical presence, and it's my 10th year without Mitch's... It's only proper to celebrate such big numbers with Big Life ♥

I will take the risk of loving Hayden, strong and pure, as he deserves. As I deserve to deliver. Knowing all the time that he will die. I will, too. And death, like breathing, is a given in Life. It really is about what we do between that first breath and our last...

I'm gettin' ants in my pants and I need to DANCE! <3

How 'bout you?

For Janice

& her team of Angels ♥

Life, Under This Here Rock

I'm blaming my lack of blogposts on the filledness of my blogs. I was denied the ability to upload photos. So I wallowed instead. Still denied, I moved *another* blog to Wordpress. Then wallowed some more. Then discovered the Blog deletion didn't solve the issue. This time, instead of wallowing, I deleted what needed to be deleted from the other mystery place of deletion. Now I can upload more pictures; after I get out from under to take said photos.  

Meanwhile, check out my newly moved 365 Blog: hahamommy365.wordpress.com