My Groceries

After a week of eating Trader Joes from a cooler in my hotel room, I thought I really missed my fast food fix... then I traveled home and just don't feel the same. I watched Angie eat the most delicious food I'd never put together at the park... I missed eating fresh and whole foods. We popped over to her house last night to play some X-Box Karaoke and eat Turkey Taco Bowls (again, ingredients I'd never think to put together!).
When we left, I was exhausted but Hayden wanted to do some grocery shopping. So we compromised and went aaaalll the way across town to the HyVee with the Healthy Selections Department. We got 4 different kinds of organic cookies (including Newman's Own oreo knock-offs!), 2 mixes for homemade cookies and one for Hemp Brownies (no, we *didn't* have the munchies!!). Hay found organic Raisin Bran and wants to try the blue corn flakes! We got soy bacon and organic brown eggs, I found pitas and spicy hummus, sliced (REAL) cheese and artisan sourdough bread. Mixed into our cart was a Lunchable (which made the boy's heart *SING*!), 2-12 packs of soda, and a couple of candy bars. What a great balance! We had to get a big loaf of french bread (like you eat with Abbi and Kyra, mommy!) and he proceeded to eat it in a very Traaseth-like mode: he scooped the insides out and left me the delicious crusty outsides. He even asked about oil and vinegar! Oh! We also got some new Annie's Organic mac and cheese -- they have Arthur and it's orange! He settled for some Annie's EZ Mac when we got home (circa 1 am)

Sex in the mail!

I can't escape! The references are everywhere!!
I'm obsessed, I am... I know it's ME creating this Sexual Vortex around myself... I'd much rather Be the Sex Goddess than the Queen of Death, anyday! Though I need more Sex for that to happen! (and now that I have my magical Sex Goddess robe-thingie, hand crafted by Cris...)
Anyway, my Fireside Chat on Sex was very well attended -- far more attended than any of us had anticipated! (poor Broc, folks preferred my sex stories over his hot air balloon collage art funshop! Sorry! we'll schedule better next year, you can come talk Sex with us :::bg:::) It was so cool to be "in context" where my nuttiness and openness make sense! I got to share my funnies and hear other folks' funnies, too. We also covered topics like Shame (for getting pregnant at 16), Quality (how do I *really* make her happy?), and Strewing (or catching your kid trapped under their bed when having an uncomfortable Sex talk). I was honored to be cornered many times after this session for clarification, correction and support. I had no idea I was such a g-spot expert until I was asked! how cool!
I travelled home, grumbling about my difficulties with the Sex Chat, in light of not having a sex life of my own...
and I shared that comment with Tony. Which was the springboard for yesterday afternoon's venture into "what we aren't talking about." We've both, obviously, been thinking about this in our own heads for many weeks now... as I suspected the artificial wall that has been erected between us (ha! whatta pun!) was there from fear, fear of not knowing exactly what the future holds... I shared Sandra's wisdom, "If you've got one foot in yesterday and the other in tomorrow, you're just pissing all over today!" We agree that it would be downright silly to have this amazing friendship with one another and look somewhere else for sex... it'd be too weird! AND if we're both really okay with not knowing exactly what the future holds (I'd be the Queen of that! For life!) then what exactly is the problem?! I guess there really isn't one! :::vbg:::
I'm glad he's as sweet a lover as he is a friend.
Then I'm picking out reading material for pooping and I pick up this month's UU World magazine... on the freaking first page (I'm glad I found it today!) is a letter from the religion's president talking about OWL and Sex and Sexuality and Love.
Hmmmm, what else is gonna float up with all this swirling going on???

Planetary Kick in the Ass

Gemini (May 21 - Jun 20)

Your key planet Mercury is feeding you positive thoughts today, encouraging you to gloss over a problem. Don't avoid the sticky details now or you will be required to go over the same ground in the weeks ahead. Set your sights on where you will be going next. Stop talking about what you want to do and start making it happen.

Cream in my Coffee

Another amazing coffee date today... but then you knew I'd say that ::bg::

My gift from Tony is an amazing assortment of rocks with which to build a stone totem; like the ones he found near the site where he released Hannah in the Yukon. He wrapped her in deer leather with sage, sweetgrass, sacred tobacco and with a prayer he sent her into the water where three rivers become one. A beautiful place, a beautiful metaphor. There is a prayer flag hanging onto a survivor tree over the water's edge.

We shared usual many hours of assorted stories and amazing tales of our separate ventures.
Then we talked about our shared ventures, our nomadic tendencies, our connection... decided to burn the judges robes and enjoy wherever our relationship takes us. So yeah, we're gonna be making time for more than just talking, just so ya know :::vbg:::

Adventurous Ramblings, ii

~Cancer survivor at rest stop near petrified forest entrance
~bicyclist from Mo, riding ND to TX, now with Hannah
~found magic Petrified wood
~gail to abigail; phantom ranch
~Safari, javalena (native wild pig, like a really big porcupine with a snout and tusks)
~Danny Schmidt, happy all the time (thanks C!)
~Hearts; large gaping holes, answered; being the vessel
~Next year's bike ride led by Hayden; Ben Lovejoy and Livestrong
~Rocky Horror picture show
~medicating with food
~hanging out in the dungeon
~Hannah's talk; Truth
~Holly Doddy
~spiritual unschooling
~Sex talk notes
~Raina's drunken tirade; birthday sex?
~ATCs; Jade; Imagination Tribe
~Dominique, my lovechild with ren
~Ending all ageist ideas about dating and true love;
The Way You Look Tonight
~Clouds rising out of the Grand Canyon; more than just a hole, ya know!
~the Best Caesar Salad EVER IN MY WHOLE ENTIRE LIFE!!
at the pizza place, downtown Williams, AZ
~Weed: the card game, very fun
~Pletheroa of Pepsi products... eeww!
~Hannah in Germany, under a cedar tree
~Felix and Autumn; dad's ashes
~Perfectly timed rain; the dancers and the huggers
~Sharing/Spreading gratitude
~All Hail Emergen-C!!! though I still lost my voice
~Asher and his mommy Alison; flower essences
~The Aussies and daddy's kangaroo care!
~the video game breakdown for freshly convinced dad (from Aspen);
hayden's gameboy advance; transformation acknowledgement
~Chris and Maddie and Quinn!
~Rubberband guns
~contemporary one minute, kid the next, elder the next...
~My Space
~Completely sure the alcoholic option has been forcibly removed from my list of choices to do with my life ~ hangovers suck!
~Hannah's Flower Girl Flower Paper
~Unschooling and depression
~Sat. nite Dinner; plentiful paper for autographs (thanks Ren!)
~Parents of the Patio
~the 10 sinners
~Hayden's HUG buttons by Cameron
~Martalyn
~forgetting to breathe; rescue remedy & essences
~X-box purchase; collecting things from Jeremy
~The non-con at Zen momma's; Corvalis; Jon;
Green Dragon; Sunnyside Up; Mercedes & Barry;
Mahala in Portland; Barbara in N. CA;
~Hannah's bench at Falls Park is Done!
~horses behind hotel at Williams
~Red Garter Inn; lava rocks for Linda
~Animaniacs; Duncan Drawings
~Trader Joe's cashews
~Super Smash Brothers
~Conference Tattoo Tradition
~Returning to ToonTown, WoW, PS2, X-box; karaoke with Elizabeth!
~Benefits of breath while travelling
~Don Rollins is coming to town next month
~The most free, most beautiful babies anywhere!
~Another Brick in the Wall; do our kids even get it?
So, if you've got half hour to get a full sense of the conference, click here and pick slideshow!
~Transitioning home; trash out, love in
~Chas came over; Colette; Skinny Bitch diet
~Lunch with the ladies; don't think Gramma Bunnie's gonna read Harry's book any time soon, though Aunt Donna seems interested
I get a 'nother honda car!
It's red and square and 5 speed and perfectly me!
Thanks uncle troy!! :::mwah:::
~Coffee tomorrow?? ::vbg::

Adventurous Ramblings

All the things I want to blog about in depth:

**Big Revelation: The purpose of the Conference is unschooling, only secondarily to meeting of SoulMates.

*adventures with sharing and long-term non-ownership
*birthdays, deathdays and anniversaries
*smoking: emotional affects, the escape, the distancer

*conversations with god: mine and the book!**soulmates, cameron, sex, unschooling, love, emotions & their purpose

*jesus, who needs him?**open discussion opportunities**acknowledge harry's contribution to the world
*rez road follies**write war diatribe**arrange meeting**church??

Sun: Made it as far as NM, but stayed the night 3 hours north of ABQ; Crazy trailer driver on mtn pass
Mon: arrived Sandra's house; hung out; died hair; hot tub; ice cream; explosions; grocery store; dan/jocelyn/matthew arrive;
Tues: arrive Hotel ABQ; hung out in lobby to welcome folks slooooowwwly-ish; Ren & Trevor, James & Robyn & Jayn, Kevin & Karla, et al, Gail & Broc & Brenna & Logan
Wed: Nap, then Ice Cream Social; bond with Mary and Jon; Hayden and Luke wander hotel halls all night long; Jerome; sugar; Trader Joe's :::happy dance!:::
Thurs: Hayden passes out in middle of early morning drum circle; I speak after Sandra; computer freezes; mantra: I'm just talking to my friends; need nap, don't take one; wander in daze most of day; lots of wine; loudness from patio ::bg::; party in girls room;
Fri: hangover!
Oooohhh, too much for this frazzled travelin' brain to do today.... to be continued!

Hasta la Vista

We're heading out in the morning...
I gotta get a new cell phone, my phone now lasts 10-20 minutes after a full charge... I guess I can call it a justified expense, aarrgghh!!
We're packed, mostly! and I'll be droppin off erroneous items in Sioux Falls tomorrow and picking up the couple of things I forgot for the boy...
THEN, I'll be authoring the rest of my speech (which I've decided not to write verbatim... I know the story well enough, I can list the high points and fluff the rest ::g::) and writing out FAR overdue Thank You cards... I found a great Shakespeare quote today!
I'll be away from the internet (mostly) for the next few/many days, so go on with yourselves and look for an update sometime around the 18th of September...
:::mwuah:::

In case you were wondering...

Here's today's horoscope:
You may be quite optimistic about the potential that relationships now present but there could be emotional issues lurking in the shadows, yet to be discovered. Use your sharp intellect to shine the light of awareness on the current situation. With your key planet Mercury aligning with the Sun, the key to happiness today is speaking the truth.

uh-oh

Your big ideals about relationships don't always match up with reality. Even now, you might be trying to figure out what's really going on. You have attracted someone into your life who is confusing you as he or she attempts to transform you. Use your highly discriminating logical mind to decide what you want out of this situation and then lay your cards out on the table. Once you know where you are going, there's no reason to hide your intentions.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Once again... the stars align with my mind!
Between everything else I've got going on in my Life, I've been pondering the Tony situation. I could not have imagined such an immediate soulful connection to someone (I almost wrote "someone I met on the internet" but that has already been disproven over and over in my life!) at this point in my life. But here we are... soul-fully connected! Each and every conversation seems to bring us further evidence of the *rightness* of relationship. It seems we're too busy talking and fortifying our connection to move to another level. I'm a patient woman (as proven by my relationship with David!) and I want NOT to push anything beyond what the Universe has in store for us... but there's this want inside me, this need for something deeper and broader and somehow more permanent; or at least heading that way. I love, love, love this getting to know ya part of a relationship, I feel so free in my being with Tony... taking it further just makes sense, encompassing the whole of my life.
But the other day, in the midst of our Spirit Bear talk and interrupted by the death of my cell phone, a comment slipped out that has been haunting me... Tony pointed out the difference in our future plans and said he knows he's here to help me deal with the deaths of Mitch and Hannah. Which I don't doubt for a second... but I *do* doubt that is all the Universe has in store for us. I'm really too optimistic to believe someone this cool would (yet again!?!) be dangled before me and be pulled away before the whole of the picture is complete. Is he putting up a wall because he feels our paths are diverging? Is there really nothing beyond *Queen of Death* for him? Does he not see me outside that role? Yeah, these are questions for him and him alone to answer for me, but I've gotta get them out of my head so I can focus on what I need to do before we leave for the big Trek... Unfortunately, Tony's also on his own road trip and we won't be able to have any face time for a couple of weeks. Fortunately, I'll be so busy during those next weeks to spend much time pondering (again, I wrote any time, but Lord knows I will find time to do some pondering ::bg::) Criminy, does he really think he's gonna meet some other cool chick willing to live in his Yert in nowhere, WI and winter in Mexico and take off to Peru on a whim? pshaw! I *am* her -- I just don't know how to convince him!
So, here it is... Tony, if you're reading this on your trek, ponder along and we'll talk soon :)

Pity Party today!!!

Everything feels more traumatic than you prefer now, but don't let that stop you from doing what you must do. Events are unfolding in ways that can bring a dramatic shift to your life. You can try to fight it or you can roll with the changes. Even if you are tempted, keep in mind that the easy way out is currently not your best course of action.