Life's Punctuation

In continuing with the "no accidents" theme of this blog (my life), today I received this in my mail:

~~May all your mistakes be commas in the story of the better life you are creating~~

I am on day 3 of not smoking cigs... I don't think I've made it this far in years... I feel better, physically, but not emotionally... So, I take it out on those around me. Most easily, poor Hayden. Last night I woke up three different times to crab at him, not because he woke me up, but because I knew he *would* come wake me up and I wanted him to know how much I wasn't gonna like it. I'm over sensitive to others, too... it's all taken personally. It's not like there really is a *bad* time to quit smoking, but I do wonder if this is a *good* time -- which is such a cop out... If I want to smoke, I should just smoke and not justify it and if I'm gonna quit, I should just do that and decide what it is I'm gonna do instead.
Yeah, well, for today, I'm gonna go off somewhere alone and grumble. I feel a good cry coming on, too, and I need to get that outta me...
Hey, I just noticed feeling returning to my fingertips, how cool!

Oh what a night!

Everyone should have a place like this to come...
to share love, joy, sorrow -- LIFE!
~*~

These are images from the
New Moon / Hannah Ceremony we held last night.
~*~
The Beautiful Altar
(and Kyra's intent assistance!)
~*~
Our Funeral Pyre
(of sorts)
~*~
The Hannah Chair
(complete with the skirt she designed with Holly)
~*~
Communion with Loved Ones, here and gone...
~*~
Zen Attempt While Bouncing
(go mama, go mama!)

Friends who should be family....

Kelli, Kyra, diana, Abbi, Alec
& Hayden
(Tim had to photograph us, his spirit's in this pic!!)
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
With folks like this in my life, it's almost easy to believe *one* thing told to me in Sunday School:
We ARE all related. This is the family of my choosing.
[or so I'd like to think... I imagine the universe/fate/Godess/etc.
may have had something to do with it... ;)]

I am so blessed!

All those prayers

Tonight, Hayden got a birthday call from our friend, Nic. As the only person of Hindu faith I know, I asked that he say some prayers for us at his family's Temple tomorrow morning. He'll pray for Hannah and her new incarnation, and for Hayden and I on our mourning path. His family's Temple is beautiful and well-kept, I know the Gods will be listening.

I am so blessed!

Our Hannah's birthday/New Moon Sweat has been cancelled. Lucky for me, Kelli is planning a bonfire with an amazing ceremony planned (I don't actually know yet what the ceremony entails, but I know of the woman who wrote it and I trust whole-heartedly that it is Whole Complete and Perfect for Us) .

In dealing with the disappointment of not Sweating, I spoke with Tony -- big surprise-- the Universe spoke exactly what I needed to hear, thru him. He is a willing and perfect vessel for these messages; it's uncanny how often it happens. Don't need to know how, why or whatever, I just know to listen.

I am so blessed!

It finally paid off

Another wedding oddity... but background first.
Mitch thought offending my delicate tastes through horrific music was high entertainment. He played White Zombie on our first date, so loud we could barely hear each other over dinner. Diana not be able to talk? You know it wasn't cool. So he loaned the CD to Dave, my roommate, who proceeded to play it 24/7 for the next month or so. Learning to love this band just wasn't so tough, they're actully one of my favorites. Then came EZ-E... there's just nothing about this human that doesn't make my skin crawl. His saving grace was my hope that it really was just an act. As he died of AIDS, I now imagine that indeed Karma got him for his disrespectin' ways. I learned the lyrics, I sang along... it was really funny -- ME singing pimp-n-ho songs, songs about shooting for entertainment. I did realize somewhere along the way that he was indeed entertaining me, as is his purpose to me; the rest of the whatever he spent his life doing is on him.
Saturday night, for the first time EVER, I got to sing and dance to some EZ-E at a wedding!-- Just for my Mitchard! On our anniversary: Gimme that NUT!! Oh My GODD!! It was funny... any grammas left in the building had to have been horrified (if they could make out the words--included tinily at the end ::g::). I just channelled some Love from Mitch and rocked out!!

Cruisin' down the street in my six-four
It's like that and it's like this
I took her to the pad and we started to kiss
Now my dicks all hard
And you know what I'm thinkin'
Took the panties off and the pussy was stankin'
Pulled off the drawers and I started to begin
Now the pussy's wet so my dick slides in
(moan)
Ooh heidi. heidi, heidi, you ho
Ridin' on the spot and pushin' kinda slow
So fe fi fo fuck fum
She's scratching on my back
Oh here she cums
Well i gotta get a nut gotta gotta get a nut gotta get it quick you know
Because I love this shit so

Gimme that that that nut, Gimme that that that nut, Gimme that that that nut
Gimme that gimme that gimme that nut

Okay back back to the fucking basics
You got yours and
I want you to taste it
Open wide now don't you waste it
Ahh shit all over your face kid
You know you know one thang
You know me I like to slang
That dick you know what
So roll over girl wile I stick it in ya
But I'll turn ya on
Wile I'm ridin' that ass scream and shout
My name is the same
Just another pussy that I had to tame so...

(Ooooh.. get it on baby, Ooooh.. get it on baby, Ooooh.. get it on baby)
Gimme that nut

Gimme that that that nut, Gimme that that that nut, Gimme that that that nut,
Gimme that gimme that gimme that nut

Gimme that that that nut, Gimme that that that nut, Gimme that that that nut,
Gimme that gimme that gimme that nut

Now I love pussy and pussy loves me
Like a lemon to the lime
And the bumble to the bee
You know it's real good
And nothing can resit it
Couldn't be a fruit loop
So don't get me twisted
Cause in some pussy is the place to be
Always fuckin is the life for me
Spread them legs open far and wide
Fuck this shit just let me put my dick inside
Sooo...

Gimme that that that nut, Gimme that that that nut, Gimme that that that nut
Gimme that gimme that gimme that nut

Gimme that that that nut, Gimme that that that nut, Gimme that that that nut
Gimme that gimme that gimme that nut

(Ooooh.. get it on baby, Ooooh.. get it on baby, Oooh.. get it on baby
Gently put the *laughing*)

Gimme that that that nut, Gimme that that that nut, Gimme that that that nut,
Gimme that gimme that gimme that nut

Gimme that that that nut, Gimme that that that nut, Gimme that that that nut
Gimme that gimme that gimme that nut

Oh, and this is what happens when I dance my heart out in flip-flops!! eek!

and the boquet!

Oh yeah, I forgot about my favorite part of weddings: the boquet toss.

I almost missed it - the event, not the flowers! I was outside and peeked in and saw the girls lined up... I charged in and, well, yeah, it was loud and funny and me.

I just announced, "It's mine!" I kindly warned the girls they were wasting their time and they could just go sit down right now. Then Trisha threw a legitimate over-head toss that landed perfectly in my hand. It is mine. It's really pretty and smells nice... it's a smaller version of my bride'smaid boquet (wait til you see the pictures) and it's much like Hannah's non-boquet flowers.

Time flies

11 years ago today, I was partying in Vegas. Christine and Mark had the room across the hall and the family was all the way in the other tower! I discovered Mitch's top bald spot while laying on the king size bed. Life was good.
10 years ago today, Christine was in South Dakota. She cleaned my house, lost my pizza cutter and talked to my pregnant belly constantly. We didn't know Mitch was sick. Life was good.
Today, I practiced my role in Trisha's wedding, tomorrow. Today the minister made a thoughtless comment about the lack of flower girl/ring bearer in the wedding. Today I had a great time bonding with my fellow attendants. Today Hayden got prepared for tomorrow; not only with conversation and Rescue Remedy preparations, but a new stopwatch and a Dragon History book. Life is Good.
11 years ago tomorrow, I married Mitch. My life just wouldn't be the same... It was 119 degrees in Vegas, Christine opened the car doors with potholders (the one my mom gave her!) Damn! Life was GOOD!
10 years ago tomorrow, I got the perfect anniversary card. Christine bought it at Zandbros and had Mitch sign it. Life was good!
Tomorrow, we celebrate Trisha and Adam's love and commitment. Tomorrow we will really miss Hannah. Tomorrow I will remember how amazing it is to hear those words - and especially on that day. Tomorrow will be joyous and sweet. Tomorrow will be all about the LOVE.

Internet Dating

(No, it wasn't in secret code, just so happens that Webdings is just below Veranda -
which is what *I* was seeing, but I guess you weren't!)

I can't tell you how many times I thought about erasing my Yahoo personals ad.
Didn't subscribe, didn't really believe.
Then I got a message from Tony with this opening line: I would say (by putting your kids first) you have your priorities right in line!
Talk about "had me at hello" :^)
So we meet. We have coffee. We've had a lot of coffee. We've had profound, beautiful, amazing, thoughtful and thought provoking, inspiring, soulful conversations. We talk a lot and for long periods of time. We talk about every single thing we can come up with. Stories pour out of us. We cry, we laugh, we cry some more.
Karen and John met him. They had amazing conversation.
I've given him some of Hannah's ashes, to take with him to Alaska and distribute as he feels so moved, on his drive home. She's tucked away with his Sage, SweetGrass and Tobacco. Part of her will be left with Chief Joseph, the rest is up to the universe.
His beloved companion, Buck, is riddled with lymphoma. Buck's transition out of this world is going to be as beautiful as his life with Tony has been. They've got a few more days together and life is grand. They are not afraid of death; they are truly free (to paraphrase *V*). This part of the journey is made easier, knowing Hannah is there to welcome Buck. She will happily guide him into becoming a heavenly ambassador (he is quite the earthly ambassador, I imagine the trait will stick).
I am honored to have been mother to such a powerful soul as she.
I'm touched beyond measure that Tony can know Hannah without ever meeting her in person.
There's something powerful afoot here. I welcome it; whatever it is.
I'm glad my life isn't dictated by fear.
My life is far richer today for having taken a chance.

Ooooh, the Scary Internet

Just today while looking at my MySpace page, my niece looks over and says, with shock and fear, "diana, you're not supposed to put your real name and pictures on the internet!!" "But why not? It's how I met most of my friends." --Deer in the headlights-- It's big and scary, it's evil and malevolent... but no one's really sure why. Yeah there are creeps, especially creepy cops who somehow manage to get pedophiles to meet up with them and arrest them. I'd be freaked if cops entered less-than-truthful conversations with me, but alas, I don't enter chat rooms.

I do have a rant about Yahoo Messenger... though how much of a rant can a girl give about some guy with cute pictures, in Spain, who wants to have some kind of internet sex with me. Can you blame him ;) But indeed, he is one of many weird people (and yeah, it's mostly men! there was ONE creepy girl, but she was MySpace) who feel the need to respond to each and every profile worth jerking off to. If I had a dollar for every "do you have a webcam?" I'd have a really cool webcam. That said, I've had incredibly interesting conversations with a local business owner, an Italian construction worker in Chicago, and another man who is in fabric manufacturing who is a widower who's 5 year old is in boarding school in England and he frequents Glasgow.

Then there's my whole Unschooling World. Then there's Tony. Then there's Google. and MySpace and Blogger and Wikipaedia and Mothering and World of Warcraft and NeoPets and x-gen studios. Not even mentioning e-mail.

I don't get it. Fear. Worthless it is!

Elton, Elton, more Elton

I think I met the Elton quota on my other blog, so I'll put a few here, too :::g::: Here's one pre-polyp surgery. It's hard to tell with this song, as it doesn't have the range of some of his others... but it's still a favorite!
Your Song:

Maggie would let me sing this one, cause it made me cry -- of course she turned the volume up! Now, with Hannah joining John Lennon in the big party on the other side, I'm both comforted and jealous.
Empty Garden (Hey, Hey Johnny):


One more classic. This one's pre-polyp, pre-hair plugs (in fact, I think it's pre-occupation with hair loss), pre-gay (does he kiss her boobie?!) Elton with Kiki Dee (gotta love the dorothy hamill hair!) (If you've never heard Sugar on the Floor, you should! He wrote it for her! --correction, SHE wrote the words, he the music and he sang it).
Don't Go Breakin' My Heart:

Holy Cow!! 30 years later, he's got more hair, better glasses and a much better (?) wardrobe... Kiki looks HOT with her much shorter but still Dorothy Hamill hairdo!


I can't find the Miss Piggy version... but if you do, PLEASE pass it along!
FOUND IT!!!

I'm not obsessed, really I'm not! But you gotta see
Benny & the Jets and Goodbye Yellowbrick Road