Sometimes I'm just fine

and then suddenly I'm not.
Like a big heavy weight comes down and sits on my chest.
I'm still happy and funny inside; it's like that part of me has to leak through the boulder of sadness that occupies most of who-I-am.
I don't like it. And that just seems to make it heavier.
And uglier. It feels mean. Malevolent. Sad.
Crying helps a bit, like lubricating it's moving on.
Perhaps it's a build up of not wanting to cry.
I just don't wanna.
I think I'll nap -sweet escape of sleep-
then challenge the boy to some Monopoly.
Maybe the sun will shine for me today, too.