Dashboard Confessional

Today's Stars: Although others may truly believe that all is well, they cannot see what's happening behind your clever tongue and your sparkling eyes. It's not that things are going badly; they just may not be as good as you make them appear. Don't hold back too much or you might inadvertently set the stage for a minor emotional meltdown.

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.

Okay, I guess that means I gotta admit I'm feeling pretty sad... I'm sad that Tony seems so ding dang afraid of me (for pretty good reasons, I even have to admit) and that a resolution is not on the horizon for us. I'm sad that I've got so much to give and no where to put it. I'm sad that I look outside of myself for validation. I'm sad that I truly believe the Universe abhors a vacuum and yet I don't see the weighty gain from my weighty losses. I'm sad that some small part of me thinks I'm running away; alternately, I'm glad a large part of me doesn't believe that is True. I'm sad to leave the good parts of the Life we've created here. I'm sad to leave the happy Hannah memories of this space; I'm sad that unhappy Hannah memories even exist in my heart. I'm still so freaking sad that she's not here. I'm sad for the life her death has forced me to forfeit.
And yet, my clever tongue and sparkling eyes do tell the story of what's in me (what is me)... that sparkly, happy Self that can't be bothered to be bogged down by unhappiness. I do know the Secret, I know I shall receive exactly what I'm asking for, just as soon as I clarify in my OWN Self what that is, exactly. I'm so glad I'm willing to be led by my Spirit, I'm willing to do the Creator's bidding as my Life as diana. This too shall pass... all too soon!