Processing, processing, processing... wanting all of this to come out in language appropriate and in line with my universal request *&* getting my kvetching out ;)
Loneliness is banished as is the darkness, with the sun's return.
*****
(read: I'm really fucking lonely and it really fucking sucks!)
I went three fucking years without sex. THREE YEARS!! Over the past four years, I've dated the coolest guys; intensely dynamic, amazing humans. Fun, story-inspiring, charming, entertaining men. In my life far too temporarily, even for my fickle Gemini self.
One had this great story about how is ex-girlfriend/business partner wouldn't appreciate our relationship. Another thinks I'm a heathen and he can't get past the Jesus factor and just have me and love every crazy minute of it. One's a drunk. One's too busy. I met one family with 2 kids; I met another with one. They're all scared. One was the best Valentine's Date ever. Vacation was fun with two of them. I got to have sex with a couple of 'em, though I've been naked with three. I had a lot of sex with one of them. Two got to meet Hannah. One got to know her. Three have taken care of her ashes. Movies were first dates with two. Only two I'm sad to see go. Two I'd be glad to see. All I'd be nice to when encountered in public.
I totally understand why (these) men would conjure me out of the universe ::g:: but when I appear, it's like some sick and twisted Weird Science thing where they don't know what to do with this creature they've conjured (and I'll admit it's been equally entertaining in some twisted way -- ah shit it's all because I watched this movie too often?? eek!!).
On some level, as diana, I get that --I rarely know what the hell I'm gonna do with me, either ::g:: -- but roll-the fuck-withit!! I'm somehow bumbling thru understanding it all. Honestly, they've all only got *me* in common so it's in *me* somewhere.
I wanna have a hissy and quit -- and I know that's not the message I want to send.
I'm really not done. I want to believe. I want to have faith.
I want to place my fucking order and get it filled, like really filled and not this half-way heart bullshit I seem to find every fucking where I am! WTF??
That was cathartic. It's nice to have that OUT and not in anymore.
Mission Accomplished. I'm going to bed now.
Rapid City was amazing and I shall blog forthwith- after sleep, that is :)
I'll be working on clarifying my order...
Loneliness is banished as is the darkness, with the sun's return.
*****
(read: I'm really fucking lonely and it really fucking sucks!)
I went three fucking years without sex. THREE YEARS!! Over the past four years, I've dated the coolest guys; intensely dynamic, amazing humans. Fun, story-inspiring, charming, entertaining men. In my life far too temporarily, even for my fickle Gemini self.
One had this great story about how is ex-girlfriend/business partner wouldn't appreciate our relationship. Another thinks I'm a heathen and he can't get past the Jesus factor and just have me and love every crazy minute of it. One's a drunk. One's too busy. I met one family with 2 kids; I met another with one. They're all scared. One was the best Valentine's Date ever. Vacation was fun with two of them. I got to have sex with a couple of 'em, though I've been naked with three. I had a lot of sex with one of them. Two got to meet Hannah. One got to know her. Three have taken care of her ashes. Movies were first dates with two. Only two I'm sad to see go. Two I'd be glad to see. All I'd be nice to when encountered in public.
I totally understand why (these) men would conjure me out of the universe ::g:: but when I appear, it's like some sick and twisted Weird Science thing where they don't know what to do with this creature they've conjured (and I'll admit it's been equally entertaining in some twisted way -- ah shit it's all because I watched this movie too often?? eek!!).
On some level, as diana, I get that --I rarely know what the hell I'm gonna do with me, either ::g:: -- but roll-the fuck-withit!! I'm somehow bumbling thru understanding it all. Honestly, they've all only got *me* in common so it's in *me* somewhere.
I wanna have a hissy and quit -- and I know that's not the message I want to send.
I'm really not done. I want to believe. I want to have faith.
I want to place my fucking order and get it filled, like really filled and not this half-way heart bullshit I seem to find every fucking where I am! WTF??
That was cathartic. It's nice to have that OUT and not in anymore.
Mission Accomplished. I'm going to bed now.
Rapid City was amazing and I shall blog forthwith- after sleep, that is :)
I'll be working on clarifying my order...
1 comment:
We do not know what we want and yet we are responsible for what we are - that is the fact.
- Jean-Paul Sartre
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