I'm historically not-so-good at doing this life thing the right way. I was told on several occasions that I was not grieving the right way, though no one cared to exactly model the right way to behave once one is widowed followed by the death of one's child 5 years later. There seemed an overwhelming need to cluck and judge about the right way to Live *my* Life.
Thankfully, I've learned to avoid putting stock in the right way and instead do what works and what brings Joy into my life.
Then someone makes mention of the right way to celebrate Easter. Greetings were sent to those celebrating Easter for the right reasons. Oh that phrase got stuck in my craw!! For the right reasons.
I know it especially stuck with me this year because I was feeling this crazy undercurrent of missing Easter with Hannah. Deep and raw and empty, my wounded Holy Day. I know I don't have to have this conversation with myself, I can think other thoughts. And yet I really wanted to buy matchy-matchy Easter dresses with my daughter. I really wanted to participate in all that is Spring and Fresh-- with HER. And I harbored my resentment. I held down that which I thought I shouldn't feel. I quieted what I felt I shouldn't be thinking. Which took so much energy, I once again missed out on giving Hayden the holiday he deserved. (there is no room to harbor guilt, simply another opportunity to muster it up and give what I got right the fuck now to the "kid who's still alive")
[if you read the thing about Saving Grace, it was the final episode that broke this dam and forced all the oozing grief outta me... which is why I can even write about it now]
So, sans my annual Easter Ritual of Joy, yet fortified by the bounty of Springtime 1/2 price chocolates, I bring my right way/right reasons response here. So it doesn't have to live in my head anymore.
Messiahfying Easter's Spring Rites is not celebrating Easter for the right reasons. Easter and Resurrection Sunday are two different Holy Days, often celebrated at the same time, with the same candy, with the same sacred reverence; not, not, not the same holiday. Easter came first. Jesus might even have celebrated it; afterall, he did love himself some Pagans! And who doesn't smile at the thought of Spring's first blooms and some extra special candies? Then there's that whole resistance He had to doing anything the right way. WWJD? Let Joy happen where it happens. There is no right way or right reason to be happy. Amen.
And Happy Easter! ♥
Thankfully, I've learned to avoid putting stock in the right way and instead do what works and what brings Joy into my life.
Then someone makes mention of the right way to celebrate Easter. Greetings were sent to those celebrating Easter for the right reasons. Oh that phrase got stuck in my craw!! For the right reasons.
I know it especially stuck with me this year because I was feeling this crazy undercurrent of missing Easter with Hannah. Deep and raw and empty, my wounded Holy Day. I know I don't have to have this conversation with myself, I can think other thoughts. And yet I really wanted to buy matchy-matchy Easter dresses with my daughter. I really wanted to participate in all that is Spring and Fresh-- with HER. And I harbored my resentment. I held down that which I thought I shouldn't feel. I quieted what I felt I shouldn't be thinking. Which took so much energy, I once again missed out on giving Hayden the holiday he deserved. (there is no room to harbor guilt, simply another opportunity to muster it up and give what I got right the fuck now to the "kid who's still alive")
[if you read the thing about Saving Grace, it was the final episode that broke this dam and forced all the oozing grief outta me... which is why I can even write about it now]
So, sans my annual Easter Ritual of Joy, yet fortified by the bounty of Springtime 1/2 price chocolates, I bring my right way/right reasons response here. So it doesn't have to live in my head anymore.
Messiahfying Easter's Spring Rites is not celebrating Easter for the right reasons. Easter and Resurrection Sunday are two different Holy Days, often celebrated at the same time, with the same candy, with the same sacred reverence; not, not, not the same holiday. Easter came first. Jesus might even have celebrated it; afterall, he did love himself some Pagans! And who doesn't smile at the thought of Spring's first blooms and some extra special candies? Then there's that whole resistance He had to doing anything the right way. WWJD? Let Joy happen where it happens. There is no right way or right reason to be happy. Amen.
And Happy Easter! ♥
