For Your Information

Ladies, ya know how a fingernail is known once and again to flip itself downwards and stay there? And how the most effective treatment is a good strong shake-snap of the hand and 10 minutes of sucking?
Yeah?
Well, don't do that if it's your entire thumb that flips. Ow. Really.
I was in the groove, I had a great case ready to deliver and I was closing the powdered sugar storage thingie. By pushing down the lid, with my open hand. Just as the timer went off for my muffins, I heard the *pop,* like a fingernail but bigger, so I gave the hand a shake and headed for the oven. And stopped. In pain. Way bigger than a fingernail. Ow. Ow. Ow. fuuuuuuuuck!
I wanted to freak out sooooo bad. And I did. For a bit. Then I just swore. A lot. With newly invented words. Lots of them. I had not felt that crumple-to-the-floor kind of pain in a long time. Ever? Way worse than baby pain. FUCKERLICIOUSMENTALPISSANTFUUUUUCK!!!
And I had a confused boyfriend. Still super cool, though seemingly worthless in the face of his first diana-in-pain panic. For future reference, perhaps for more men than just Scotty ;) Don't touch me. I am in sensory overload with pain, I need no further input. Your job is not to stop the freak out, but to bear witness to it. When I'm ready to shut up, I will. Breathe, lead by example. Without talking, just listen. Eh, there's more details I can't remember and honestly have no desire to record or critique (over my shoulder he edits and directs this post ::bg::). He was just fine, as himself. I haven't been injured in adult company in so long I don't have much clue what kind of support I like. The ice was nice.
The muffins were saved. The bake case looked beautiful.
I showed Patches the dangers of opposable thumbage. I don't think she ever felt her life was incomplete without it, though now, she's likely to never desire a thumb at all.
I still can't touch my pinky and it may be a while before I fingerspell Left-handed.
By Golly, the bake will go on.
Without any hand shake-snapping. Ow.
Now you know.

My Sacred Life, Day 12

This little light of mine,

I'm gonna let it shine.

This little light of mine,

I'm gonna let it shine,

let it shine,

let it shine,

let it shine.

My Sacred Life, Day 11

I never underestimate the value of a loving yet ass-kicking voice to add to my internal choir.
His voice reMinds me to act in full expression of my Soul.
~♥~ ~♥~ ~♥~

The Four Agreements®

1. Be Impeccable With Your Word Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love. 2. Don't Take Anything Personally Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won't be the victim of needless suffering. 3. Don't Make Assumptions Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life. 4. Always Do Your Best Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse and regret.

My Sacred Life, Day 10

My life as a canvas. I am a creation of every stroke of every brush. A compilation still in progress.

~Life as Art as God~

Reason is powerless in the expression of Love.
::: Rumi :::

The true work of art is but a shadow of the divine perfection.
::: Michelangelo :::

O Great Creator of Being, grant us one more hour to perform our art and perfect our lives.
::: Jim Morrison :::
~Amen

My Sacred Life, Day 9

I can quiet
while I create.

Win/win/win.

~amen~

My Sacred Life, Day 8

Sometimes I'm the rock. Sometimes I'm the sand. Sometimes I'm the water.

Always changing. Always the same.
Amen.

Mama's Date with (a Kiefer replacement): Hour 2

Hour 2: Dave Miller Of course!
Dave is one Amazing Dude Dad & Hottie Hubbie
He raises the bar for the cute/smart/cool combo standards.
Not to mention how he has tapped his own uncharted wealth of patience and commitment to evolving.
He is our Gemini Monkey Birthday Party Extravaganza Poster Boy. And I'm glaaad.
I can't wait.
Thanks Dave, for tolerating and maybe, just a teeny-tiny bit, appreciating my appreciation of you. As always, thanks to Crystal for sharing ♥ you lucky wench & for being so grateful :D

Mama's Date with (a Kiefer replacement): Hour 1

It's sad. No 24 'til 2009.
:::deep breath:::
All is as it should be.
Still, I'm jonesin' for my date.

As necessity is the Mother of invention. I will use the creativity of my own inner writer to bring you 24 installments of Mama's Date of the Week.
You may have seen versions of this kind of list on our most favorite blogs. I'm going to expand here, upon my amazing idea for a pin-up calendar, and highlight those hot, hot men from the Unschooling World. Meet my tribe!

Hour 1: Kirby Dodd
I just don't think there's a nicer guy in the Universe.
And he's funny.
I'm so glad I know Kirby.
You will be too, when you meet him.

Yeah, he's what happens when you give kids access to the world. He's what happens when passions are embraced and supported.
1 out of 1 Holly agrees, Kirby's a damn fine big brother.
9 out of 10 unschooling moms agree Kirby Rocks! (the other one just ain't met him yet ♥)

My Sacred Life, Day 7

Making what I don't like with the same love and attention as the stuff I do like.
This here Gingerbread is a challenge for me.
It's a challenge to open the molasses.
It's a challenge to not cook the eggs with the hot water.
It's a challenge to smell that which I'd not choose to eat.
It's a challenge to know what "just right" means to Gingerbread.

And look at it.

This is what happens when I announce my love of making gingerbread.
I get to make this marvelous creation for the others of Corvallis. Those who love Gingerbread deserve diana's Gingerbread, they deserve Gingerbread made with the same love and attention and intention as the yummy goodies *I* may be partial to. Just for showing up at the coolest coffee shop in the known universe, they get that from me. A gift, for everyone.

Just a tiny little shift in perspective...
My soul loves to be nudged.
Thanks for the nudge, Gingerbread Gods.
Amen.

*I AM*erica! Blog for Choice

On this 35th Anniversary of Row v Wade, I find myself pro-choice.
I used to be here on purpose, now, I don't think the term accurately describes my perspective.
*I'm an American Citizen by Birth first, now by Choice.
*I am of legal age to vote, drink and consent to sexual relations (as legal in my state).
These two things are the only criteria the Supreme Court should ever use in interpreting the Constitution. I'm a Constitutionalist. For real. The Constitution of the United States of America applies to all citizens regardless of any outside criteria. Period. Which means the access to informed consent to any and all medical technology (including medications, expertise, procedures) available to any and all other American Citizens. Period.
My rights are not forfeited nor altered in the presence of my *X* Chromosome; My rights are not altered in the presence (or lack thereof) of pigmentation in my skin; My rights are not altered based on my bank account; My rights are not altered based on any book's judgment of my lifestyle.
All (hu)men are created equal.
It's the spirit that founded this fine country and it is the mantra that will carry us forward.

~Ms. Roe, wherever you may be today, I tip my hat to your reminder that indeed, Justice is Blind and sometimes there still is Liberty and Freedom in being American.
~♥~~♥~~♥~~♥~~♥~~♥~~♥~~♥~~♥~~♥~~♥~~♥~~♥~~♥~~♥~~♥~~♥~~♥~~♥~~♥~~♥~~♥~
And I've been that chick.
That chick who now refers to the process as Releasing the Spirit.
It was at the Sheryl Crowe concert. Sturgis 2001. In the tent! Whooo!

Yeah, it was also 8 months after my husband died, my kids were on the verge of 5 & 3, I was still figuring out this whole new universe. I was not smoking pot (which works amazingly as birth control) and I was taking this new-fangled anti-depressant I convinced the doctor at the free clinic to prescribe me. I didn't have time to be depressed or go to therapy. So I got these pills that come with a gigantic warning: do not, under any circumstances even think about getting pregnant while taking this medication. it's a bad situation.
What the label didn't say and should have: you will surrender all ability to think while taking this medication. your world will fall apart, although nothing has changed. you will topple over that edge you've been so carefully balanced upon and nothing can save you. clawing and flailing are a waste of your energy. your rational mind will be muted, at chemical gunpoint, while your emotions run amok. you should stay home, send your children to the drive in with your folks and suck your thumb while curled fetal-style in the middle of your bed. do not speak to anyone, you know not what you say. do not, under any circumstances enter public establishments with your tumultuous lover. the sturgis bike rally is off limits! no matter how good you think you look in those pants. stay home!
I was a basket case.
A really really cute one.
In the midst of an amazing emotion-tangled tumultuous love affair.
My emotions ran amok.
I went out in public.
I had a roller-coaster crazy-manic-fest in leather pants and good music.
And a tent.
I have a picture of that day, I just saw it not long ago.
A Lifetime Ago.

~♥~

I was in Amy's backyard a week later, when I couldn't breathe. My heart was going to jump out of my chest and my skin was going to crawl right along after it. Leaving me behind. Bones and goo. I called the doctor. Do you feel like you're overdosing on cocaine? Ummm... I *guess* this is what that might feel like. You should stop taking the pills. You're having side effects. Anything I can do to help *now*? Ride it out.
I was still riding it out another week later, again in Amy's backyard, when the second line showed up on the test. My period was due in three days. I already knew. Fuck me running!
Hi, it's your spazoid psycho consistent female companion. yeah. you knocked me up the other weekend at Sheryl Crowe... yeah, fuck! yeah. well. I'll figure something out. don't worry. whatever.
And I climbed in the bathtub and cried. A lot.
Then on the third warm-up or so, I decided to talk to this little being in me.
We communed for a long time. I thanked her for coming (we're all girls at that point ;) and for the Gifts her Existence would bring to me and through me. I apologized for not being a forever home for her. I wished her an amazing New Life, beyond mine at this moment, and asked that she let me know where she lands if she could. I dabbled Moon Flower scent on me and promised to remember her with the moon, always.
The next day, there was a check in the mail from Mitch's insurance company for $500.
I went to planned parenthood and asked for a medical abortion. I didn't want instruments in my uterus thankyouverymuch. Somehow I got through the appointments. There were at least a couple, probably because of South Dakota law. I was only 4 weeks post conception, barely pregnant by any medical standards. I knew what had to happen and I was at peace and so was this BabySpirit. Male companion dude was doing his own coping. or not.
I got a shot in the hip. The kind that stops rapid cell development.
And some inserts for a few days later. To open my cervix, so she could leave my body.
When she did go, it was peaceful and private. Just us. We wished each other well.
See ya later...
~♥~
later that afternoon...
Diana? It's Big Joe! We just found out ~ We're pregnant! We'll have a baby in May ♥
Indeed we did.
His name is Dezmo and he really digs his forever parents. ♥
~♥~
The most important thing I learned? All really is as it should be. Really.
(meaning: sometimes when Life gives you a really good fecking reason to be depressed, your whole being wants to BE in the womb of depression, for fucks sake, be depressed already! Revel in it and get on with yourself. Otherwise misery'll sneak up and bite you on the ass. Fer real!)