On this 35th Anniversary of Row v Wade, I
find myself pro-choice.
I used to be here
on purpose, now, I don't think the term accurately describes my perspective.
*I'm an American Citizen by Birth first, now by Choice.
*I am of legal age to vote, drink and consent to sexual relations (as legal in my state).
These two things are the only criteria the Supreme Court should ever use in interpreting the Constitution. I'm a Constitutionalist.
For real. The Constitution of the United States of America applies to all citizens regardless of
any outside criteria.
Period. Which means the access to informed consent to any and all medical technology (including medications, expertise, procedures) available to any and all other American Citizens.
Period.
My rights are not forfeited nor altered in the presence of my *X* Chromosome; My rights are not altered in the presence (or lack thereof) of pigmentation in my skin; My rights are not altered based on my bank account; My rights are not altered based on any book's judgment of my lifestyle.
All (hu)men are created equal.
It's the spirit that founded this fine country and it is the mantra that will carry us forward.
~Ms. Roe, wherever you may be today, I tip my hat to your reminder that indeed, Justice is Blind and
sometimes there still is Liberty and Freedom in being American.
~♥~~♥~~♥~~♥~~♥~~♥~~♥~~♥~~♥~~♥~~♥~~♥~~♥~~♥~~♥~~♥~~♥~~♥~~♥~~♥~~♥~~♥~
And I've been
that chick.
That chick who now refers to the process as
Releasing the Spirit.
It was at the Sheryl Crowe concert. Sturgis 2001.
In the tent! Whooo!
Yeah, it was also 8 months after my husband died, my kids were on the verge of 5 & 3, I was still figuring out this whole new universe. I was not smoking pot (which works amazingly as birth control) and I was taking this new-fangled anti-depressant I convinced the doctor at the free clinic to prescribe me. I didn't have
time to be depressed
or go to therapy. So I got these pills that come with a gigantic warning:
do not, under any circumstances even think about getting pregnant while taking this medication. it's a bad situation.
What the label didn't say and should have:
you will surrender all ability to think while taking this medication. your world will fall apart, although nothing has changed. you will topple over that edge you've been so carefully balanced upon and nothing can save you. clawing and flailing are a waste of your energy. your rational mind will be muted, at chemical gunpoint, while your emotions run amok. you should stay home, send your children to the drive in with your folks and suck your thumb while curled fetal-style in the middle of your bed. do not speak to anyone, you know not what you say. do not, under any circumstances enter public establishments with your tumultuous lover. the sturgis bike rally is off limits! no matter how good you think you look in those pants. stay home!
I was a basket case.
A really really cute one.
In the midst of an amazing emotion-tangled tumultuous love affair.
My emotions ran amok.
I went out in public.
I had a roller-coaster crazy-manic-fest in leather pants and good music.
And a tent.
I have a picture of that day, I just saw it not long ago.
A Lifetime Ago.
~♥~
I was in Amy's backyard a week later, when I couldn't breathe. My heart was going to jump out of my chest and my skin was going to crawl right along after it. Leaving me behind. Bones and goo. I called the doctor.
Do you feel like you're overdosing on cocaine? Ummm... I *guess* this is what that might feel like.
You should stop taking the pills. You're having side effects. Anything I can do to help *now*?
Ride it out.
I was still
riding it out another week later, again in Amy's backyard, when the second line showed up on the test. My period was due in three days. I already knew.
Fuck me running!
Hi, it's your spazoid psycho consistent female companion. yeah. you knocked me up the other weekend at Sheryl Crowe... yeah, fuck! yeah. well. I'll figure something out. don't worry. whatever.
And I climbed in the bathtub and cried. A lot.
Then on the third warm-up or so, I decided to talk to this little being in me.
We communed for a long time. I thanked her for coming (we're all girls at that point ;) and for the Gifts her Existence would bring to me and through me. I apologized for not being a
forever home for her. I wished her an amazing New Life, beyond mine at this moment, and asked that she let me know where she lands if she could. I dabbled Moon Flower scent on me and promised to remember her with the moon, always.
The next day, there was a check in the mail from Mitch's insurance company for $500.
I went to planned parenthood and asked for a medical abortion. I didn't want instruments in my uterus thankyouverymuch. Somehow I got through the appointments. There were at least a couple, probably because of South Dakota law. I was only 4 weeks post conception, barely pregnant by any medical standards. I knew what had to happen and I was at peace and so was this BabySpirit. Male companion dude was doing his own coping. or not.
I got a shot in the hip. The kind that stops rapid cell development.
And some inserts for a few days later. To open my cervix, so she could leave my body.
When she did go, it was peaceful and private. Just us. We wished each other well.
See ya later...
~♥~
later that afternoon...
Diana? It's Big Joe! We just found out ~ We're pregnant! We'll have a baby in May ♥
Indeed we did.
His name is Dezmo and he really digs his
forever parents. ♥
~♥~
The most important thing I learned? All really is as it should be. Really.
(meaning: sometimes when Life gives you a really good fecking reason to be depressed, your whole being
wants to BE in the womb of depression, for fucks sake, be depressed already! Revel in it and get on with yourself. Otherwise misery'll sneak up and bite you on the ass. Fer real!)
My life as a canvas. I am a creation of every stroke of every brush. A compilation still in progress.
