Thirteen Things about Living with Diana

Thirteen Things about Living with diana (an incomplete prose)

1. All Humans: Lift the appropriate number of lids to use the toilet. Use your aiming skills & wipe up when they fail. Close the lid when you're done. Every Time. Easy. Not sexist.
2. Close the shower curtain when you're done. Dry the floor. Put your towel up to dry. [Caveat to 1 & 2: Remnants of disgusting childhood (bathroom) memories. There are related laundry equipment issues. These seem benign carry-overs, so I keep them and focus on ridding myself of the less benign baggage.]
3. I like slow quiet gentle mornings. I have to sit and think, alone. Have a couple of smokes and coffee, or maybe a coke. Then I have to poop. If I'm interrupted before I poop, I don't poop and I'm crabby until I can get back to calm enough to poop mode.
4. I have never ever lived somewhere where I unpacked all my belongings. It seems the last too many years of my life have been filled with boxes from all the last places. I don't have to wonder what that means, I have to wonder when I'll change it.
5. Sometimes I just feel a wreck. Like lately. A long lately? I'm in overwhelm and shut-down mode. I can let out the pieces of me which remain confident. The less-than-confident pieces are undergoing super crazy internal inventory and purging. I'm quiet and hiding to the outside world and on the inside, I'm filled with crazy rumblings of what's to come. While I'm quite used to the ebb and flow that is diana, I know others are not. I don't know how to explain it or share it, I only know how to go through it. So I am. Going through it. Learning.
6. The key to my comfort: Abundance. To know there is plenty is important to my sleep. Yeah, my wake, too. Support this thinking.
7. If your socks (or any other clothing piece, for that matter) are malodorous, leave them in the laundry room. That's what it's for.
8. When I'm overwhelmed on the inside, every need on the outside feels like the constant scraping of a burr in the seat of my pants. Physical touch is sometimes like sandpaper.
9. Everything that comes in a plastic wrapper needs to be strategically sealed after opening to maintain freshness. Really. I won't eat anything that's been left around open for more than 24 hours. [see caveat for 1 & 2] You'd think I'd have more chip clips; I'll have to get some. Ziplocks are my friends. Even the Twizzlers package now has a zip closure ~ Yay! Now for Newman Ohs and Kettle chips...
10. There are separate cleaning utensils for dishes & general kitchen stuff. I'll throw up if you wash the dishes with the same sponge you wiped the floor with. eeeew.
11. As a general rule: Never put bras in the dryer. Better to err on the side of air dry.
12. Don't take any of this personally.
13. I'm making this all up. I make up more all the time. I will make another list at another time.

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Dear Madeline,

Yesterday I picked up Grace (Eventually) at the Corvallis Library ~ it's a very official feeling to get one's library card in a new town ~ and you're right, Anne speaks to my very soul. Page 6: I finally figured out that I had a choice: I could suffer a great deal, or not, or for a long time. Or I could have the combo platter: suffer, breathe, pray, play, cry, and try to help people. There was meaning in pain; it taught you how to survive with a modicum of grace when you did not get what you wanted. I could not describe mourning any better mySelf! This is an ongoing realization with me, seemingly on a daily basis. Maybe even bigger than mourning, this is Life... a constant buffet of choices. Nice perspective for me.
Then, right away on Page 7, she introduces Ram Dass (as in author of the other cool book Paths to God: Living the Bhagavad Gita) She says There was nothing particularly new about consciousness and God and love in the book, but it was the first time I'd heard this information given in such a hilarious, wise, human, neurotic voice. Ram Das was a vulnerable mess -- just like me. ~and~ People say about experiences like this that "the veil lifted," but for me for the whole day, it was as if an itchy burlap sack had come off my head.
Two things here, first I love this visual & totally recognize that feeling and second, I have to admit I've felt a bit intimidated by Ram Dass' book. Maybe it's the perceived confrontation I am avoiding with my Self. Like when it's time to face the part of me that finds great comfort in the wallow, the part that likes to escape and hide and sees absolutely nothing wrong with withdrawing from the world and all it's Love. Yeah, that part, my own itchy burlap sack. That's the part I'm wrestling with in my Now. Or not. If I really minded being this way, I suppose I'd stop. Which brings in the other part of me: the part that does mind and knows a cop-out when she sees one and ain't afeared to point it out. Brewing big time, I am.
I'm shifting. Moving on down the lakeshore to find my spot. My holistic vantage point, from where my view of Life and my place therein is unobstructed by trees planted by my own hand.
I've only made it to page 10 before I had to write this post. All is as it should be. Thanks friends ♥ Thanks Universe!
Love,
me

I've been nuts before...

and I don't think it compares to now. A whole new horde of nuts (sack o' nuts?) for my whole new Life Perspective.

In my commitment to sending my spawn to therapy for entirely new reasons (instead of recycling mine), I've decided to add some new reasons to my own list (instead of recycling my old ones). As happens in my *right now* Ms. Mary Sunshine world view, I rarely see the actual details required to have the world the way I want it to be. Yes, I'm on this side of the river and I need to be over there. Let's Go! Now! I can see where I need to be, I can even visualize myself there. No poof? Whattaya mean there's a process!? Diving headlong almost seems it's own coping mechanism. Plotting and planning and preparation are not my forte, dealing in the moment works. Works better if there are actual tools of the plotting, planning and preparation type available. I just know it. So in the throes of P3Absence, I'm seeking the tools I need to adjust, manipulate perhaps, my environment (the choir) to support where it is I am, like really am and seek the tools that will build my bridge to the place I actually want to go. Hiding in the cave does not get the bridge built. I'm just realizing that. The cave's comfy though, just so ya know.

The Forum

I did the Forum. Years ago, with Big Joe, in Los Angeles. Back when we could still speak of Werner Erhard and his brainchild, est. Powerful stuff. It kicked my ass then and it's still rattling around my toolbox, waiting to kick my ass some more. Reading the course syllabus awakened a cacophony of voices, asleep for too long, ready to coach once again. I realize that much of my day-to-day thought processes involve some principle of the Forum. I have practiced, I now long for more practice, more coaching. This is who I am. Thanks Joe. Thanks Me.
I want to do the Forum again. I want my Now reinforced with possibility. I want my Now unlimited by the past. And yes, unschooling reinforces these exact steps of self definition, I think these steps of self definition shall enhance our unschooling, our relationships, Life ~ itself, in ways heretofore barely imagined. There's a Forum in Portland: January 4, 5, 6, 8 that I'm throwing my intentions behind. The tuition and expenses will come to me easily and meaningfully. I am ready to talk to Hayden about doing the Forum for Young People in Seattle, April 4, 5, 6. It's one of those transformations one always wishes had come sooner in life. I want Hayden to have his opportunity for transformation NOW, live powerfully NOW and not have to recover from any bigger leftovers than he's already got. To be free of the 9 year old's baggage at 9! What a great concept!! So totally foreign to all too many of us.
$1000 over the next 6 months for 7 days of awakening to possibility and transformations and breakthroughs ~ And a Lifetime of reaping possibility, transformations and breakthroughs. Let's see what can be done!

Right Here, Right Now

It's true, ya know, No Matter Where You Go, There You Are. I am here. I'm still me. New surroundings, new opportunities, same tools. In my lovely Gemini fashion, I am both terrified and exhilarated. I have a rocking chair now, which I love. My feet are up on Mitch's table. I'm bloated and bleeding. That's my mind. I'll soon enough have more furniture. I'll soon enough have a job to buy some. Tomorrow I begin my first shift at Sunny-Side Up. Yay! I'll be a barista who is totally in love with the products she slings. Scotty's new schedule begins today; he'll leave at 6pm and return at 4 am, Monday thru Friday. The Lazer Tribe shall be here soon and Scotty's very excited! They'd originally planned to move to Portland this month and switched their intent to Corvallis after learning of our plans :) The talks of Band are active and vibrant! The office or the hub is well situated. Hayden's got a new desk, Scotty's got the kitchen table and there is a big baker's rack for the board, the tv, speakers, the modem, the PS2, oh and the telephone's squeezed in there somewhere! Keyboards and guitars round out the decor ;) Hayden's bedroom, on the other hand, has become the keeper of the art supplies. We moved shelves into the closet and laid out some of the stuff for easy access. Still boxes to unpack. And there's a single bed frame awaiting assembly for H's room. We'll get a bed soon enough. Last night I was glad to have an air mattress without a leak. Glory Be. The small stuff. Gifts. Everywhere.

Two Books

allow yourself to trust joy and embrace it. You will find you dance with everything. ~Emerson

These books are in my life, side by side, right now. God winked.

On the left is my original altered book; first named Diana of the Crossways, now called diana at the crossroads. Originally a gift from Christine, a perfect life-long art project! I've just recorded my first Oregon entry. A crossroads indeed.
Yesterday, our friendly Oregonian Postman gave me my first package at my new home. Paths to God: Living the Bhagavad Gita. With a card with the above quote and:
I was re-reading "Eat, Pray, Love" and something (can't remember what) reminded me of this book. As soon as it flashed into my mind, something told me, "Send the book to Diana." What? Diana who? "Diana from Live and Learn. Diana Jenner." You're kidding! I don't even _know_ her! I love this book! "You really should mail it to her." She'll think I'm weird! "When has that stopped you?" Oh, yeah, well... I don't even know how to get in touch with her. "Oh please, you think you can't find out?" Ok, Ok, I'll mail it to her! So- I went on line, thinking I would e-mail and get your address. Then I found your blog and read you were moving... and there was your address! So here's the book! There are absolutely no strings attached - read it, don't read it, give it away - it's yours to do with as you wish. I do hope, if you read it, it leads to some peace for you. ~Gassho, Caren
So here I am. At a big crossroads with a map laid out before me. All the way blessed, I am.

South Dakota says Goodbye

Thunder and Lightning and pouring rain!!! Yay!! I do love the loud, violent prairie weather... especially tonight as I'm forced to take pause and possibly get some sleep before the big, crazy circus act I shall call "Loading every single thing left in the house either in the trailer, the Love Machine or Dad's Van (destined for goodwill)" That's a lot. Lots of table legs to remove. Lots of dishes to wash. It's nuts. I'm glad for the break right now. Plus Thursday's a big DVR night.
I've got the theory talked out, Thanks Eric! I've had two weeks. I had one hell of a pity party for at least 11 of 14 days. Hey, dancing with the devil required I gave the hades tango we danced, my full attention and appreciation. Tomorrow will be Craziness Day 3. It's better to wallow and be done with it, leaving three days of total manic insanity than to avoid the need for self analysis and have 14 days of crazy depressed stress, followed by the inevitable analysis anyhoo! Much better arrangement, if you can pull it off -- can I?? We shall soon see!!
Folks are coming over in shifts tomorrow. I figger I can get every single person to carry at least one box at least as far as the garage. That's a lot of boxes, especially if I call and invite more!
The plan is still to drive short bursts of miles; different than my usual tac of hardcore rabid arrivals. When I take off from here (Friday is the plan; I've paid rent til midnight, I may just stay on principle!!) I'll only be going as far as Rapid City. I'm counting on the lovely hospitality of Tribe Buxcel. On Sunday, now don't be jealous, I'm going another 500 miles to Deb Lewis' house. She's in my cell phone now. Then after tearing myself away from her wonderful company and fresh coffee on Monday, I'll head up and over the mountains for the last 800 mile leg.
**At the U-Haul place today, where I got a trailer -- good thing you're sitting down -- advertising Independence, IA "Old Threshers Reunion" and a picture of an old red tractor!! Where they got all the taillights to magically work (spit's magic innit?) and advised me on the weight distribution for optimum handling at late 20th century speeds on mountain roads. Yesterday a guy gave LM a good look over and gave me his envious spiel. I reveled in it.***
I may stay somewhere on the downhill side, past Idaho, though I don't have any direct contacts to that Spokane-ish region. And that is so ding-dang close, and it's all a nice downward slope from there to Corvallis anyway, and the sooner I'm in Oregon, the sooner I'm done pumping gas every 100 miles (still driving, still stopping, still paying, just no pumping!). We'll see how the adrenaline/ darkness/ rain/ traffic factors play out. Tuesday is the early guess, Wednesday is the reasonable, late guess. Wednesday we get our address! Wednesday, the 10th of October, 2007, our Home shall be officially established. The forwarding notice is in and I'll probably have mail waiting for me, yay! 161 SW Wake Robin Avenue, Corvallis, OR, 97333. How cool is that?!? All the way cool!

Speaking of cool, here's another picture of my adorable son in Joanna and Jason's wedding:Hayden's very excited. His attitude has come at a great time, exactly on time and perfect. Like me, he waffles and wavers between the thrill of the new and the comfort of the old. Realizing what a process it is for the both of us and being the support we'd like has given us support in one another. Not taking it personally really makes a difference. Wow. I knew that. Now, I know that. How lucky am I? All the way lucky.

Trip Mantra

you will have a wonderful move
everything will go off as it should
you will feel relaxed and comfortable with these changes
your new home will be lovely and easily maintained
all your needs will be met
people who love you pray for your greatest good
everything will unfold perfectly
you are a clear refection of Spirit
God appearing as Diana

I will have a wonderful move
everything will go off as it should
I feel relaxed and comfortable with these changes
my new home is lovely and will be easily maintained
all my needs are met
people who love me pray for my greatest good
everything is unfolding perfectly
I am a clear reflection of Spirit
God appearing as diana.
♥ ♥ Grateful as always for the Gifts of Christine ♥ ♥
Amen.

Quick

It's late and there's much to do. Panic Mode has indeed set in and I am ready for the incredible adventure of the next couple of days. This is another only once situation and here I am, ready to pull it off in a joyful diana fashion. Friday's coming quick! We have an address and on October 10th it will be ours :) With a laundry room!! And a Dish Washer!!
We'll be squeaking by the next couple of months, the realities of a big move. I look forward to that, too. It'll be ours. Together. Big. New. Cool.
For now, Hayden's asleep (up since last night midnight or so) and I'll be called upon when he awakes, a good time to get the rest of the stuff staged and breakables stashed in the van. I'll watch last night's Law and Order and see myself getting my Law in Order.

Sleep can then have me, I'll welcome it's approach on my last night with my bed.

Hey look! That's Scotty's man bag on the floor over there!!

When I *could* be packing...

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