"The Secret" Playdate

I had a surprise of a good time this afternoon!! I had my space invaded by toddlers for the very first time! We moms planned to watch The Secret episode of Oprah, and were lucky to be able to pause and discuss various pieces of the puzzle. The compare/contrast/melding with "What the Bleep?" was fun, too. I had the most fun talking to and hanging out with the babies. They were so excited to discover Patches on my bed, then for the freedom to play in there and jump freely on the bed! Meemers especially loved it when Patches "said meow" when she petted her :) Prairie even had the honor of entering Hayden's domain and get an up-close peek at his cool game :) She told me that she loves Isaac and Hayden, they're her boyfriends! Later, it was so sweet to see her snuggle under my blankets with Isaac :)

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Sometimes I really do feel disconnected, bubble-wrapped and distanced but it sure seems like going through the motions isn't a terrible thing.
When I manage to get my head outta this crazy mourning fog, we'll rejoin for Bleep and The Secret! It was very fun...

El fuego del momento llegó a ser el temor

We got some cool fire implements while shopping the other night. Lots of candles from the clearance bins, a 14" lighter and one of those funky bend-it-over-to-light-deep-ones kinda lighter. It's been a 60s Love Den 'round here, ever since.
(I love how my memories of reactions to emergencies always seem so Jamie Sommers-esque, in my slowed down for effect yet highly efficient, heroic actions)
I'm at the computer and Hayden's in the other room. That smell. That smell. Once it hits that primordial cortex sumsuch in your brain, you must react. I know, too, in this moment, I've gotta slow myself down and breathe before, during and after any and all interactions with Hayden. My panic = His shutdown. So I ask, where is it? what is it? He says it was a napkin and he got rid of it. WHERE?? It's still smoking in here!! That was it. I yelled, he shut up. I had no time to negotiate. I followed my clues and pulled the sofa out and there was a lovely little smouldering corner! I calmly grabbed the cat's water and put it out. breathing, breathing, breathing. I opened the door to let the smoke out, so as not to alert anyone else in the house. I said, wow! that was scary. He agreed. I apologized for not remaining calm and began my justification/explanation, which was shut down quickly, as he doesn't want to talk about it. [unspoken ending: because you'll freak out.]
I need to freak out about it. Too bad I shot my wad on not-even-close-to-this-important stuff, so I don't have any turns left in this circumstance. I breathe. I know, I know, I know that fear is oftentimes the best lesson in itself, there's nothing a naggin' scared spitless mama can say that he didn't already have go through his mind in that split second of realization that he wasn't Safe. I bet it's an amazing tale from him though. I can't wait for him to tell me (and I'll be vewy, vewy quiet).
While snuggling up the other night, I did tell him that I understand he doesn't want to talk about it, and I'm okay that he doesn't want to talk about it right now but that eventually, we will talk about it. Now to bite my tongue until he believes it's safe to talk to me about it.
We did joke last night about peeing on it next time ;)

My Horoscope for the Month

Gemini:Your surface is bright and sparkly, but underneath there are some deep feelings at work. Hey, you can be both. Just remember to take plenty of time for yourself if you feel like your emotions need attention. - from midco.net

<3<3<3<3<3 <3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3

It's not really but it could be!

Tomorrow's (meaning after sleep) Plans...

Gemini: Today you are quite happy to drift off into other dimensions within the privacy of your own mind. If you are clever, you won't even need to tell anyone that you are going away -- for they won't even notice. If, however, everyone seems to be on your case because you don't seem to be present, you may need to change your tactics. Indulging your fantasies is a luxury that you can get away with only if you cover your bases in the real world.

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I guess that means tomorrow (meaning after sleep) should look like: early morning run for coffee while Hayden sleeps in, combined with a trip to the grocery store, then some major, caffeinated art work!!

Artwork's a comin...

I look at our current wide expanse of floorspace and I know that tomorrow, I gotta gather my schtuff from the corners of netherwhere and get to work :) Christine, I love you, I'm so glad you've come here and I'm grateful to share this journey. I've got big dreams for your gift, chickie, just know it's on it's way.... much love every step of the way. I look forward to the catharsis some artwork can provide... maybe the new paints brought along a singing muse (oh lookie, there she is!) Wooo Hoooo! It's gonna be great! I got Gramma Baby's 89 to create for, Lisa's and Jeanie's 40s... :::::Happy Dance:::::

How does he do it?

I'm on some weird haydenesque schedule and I don't like it at all! I'm disoriented to be so awake at midnight... He woke up after about 5 hours to Skype and WoW, and is still hanging out watching his DVR favorites by candlelight and while playing with magnets.
We had a moment last night, a scary one that he's not ready to talk about yet and frankly neither am I. I'm going to hang out and see if something comes out of him.
Tonight, we had Chinese food and Elton John on South Park - what a great combination! And in between I carried on a funny text message conversation :) I'm gonna lay down and see if I can sleep...

What a day...

I got up at the way early crack of dawn, really! Well before 6 am. Hayden's sleeping pattern has shifted round the clock, once again; he was still awake. We hung out and talked for a couple of hours, then he was desperate to make me some scrambled eggs... too bad the eggs weren't any good :( I made some good coffee and fed him some cereal and some fruit. I hopped in the 'net for a bit and he passed out. I used George's van - the Eurovan, oooooooooh - to send packages, deposit a check, and the biggie: changed my family status on the housing waiting list. I picked up some amazing comfort food, everything bagels and cream cheese!! So to the rattle of horrific judge shows in the background, I spend my lonely afternoon blogging about nothing... not a bad day. I may sneak in a nap.

XX Constitution Blues

FOURTH AMENDMENT [U.S. Constitution] - 'The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated..."
The 1973 case of Roe v. Wade resulted in a landmark judicial opinion regarding privacy and abortion in the United States.^[1] According to the U.S. Supreme Court's Roe decision, most laws against abortion violated a constitutional right to privacy under the Due Process Clause of the Fourteenth Amendment. The decision overturned all state and federal laws outlawing or restricting abortion that were inconsistent with its holdings.
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At the heart of Roe v. Wade is the belief that the constitution is blind; blind to all facts but that you are a citizen of the United States of America. Here in South Dakota, our rights as American women is once again being threatened by HB1293.
I won't even talk about the fact that the info came on the inclusive homeschooling list, gathering support for the bill stating: The legislators in Pierre have put in a new abortion ban bill, which includes exceptions for rape and incest, as long as the proper law enforcement authorities are notified to protect the women and girls from the criminals.
Read it, it's scary and medieval. Sometimes I find it really hard to believe I can be so much smarter than folks who go through life thinking they're the smartest ape in the jungle. Even deeper, that there's a god somewhere who finds purpose in these insanity-causing lives and said god probably feels some kind of affection for them, love perhaps? Some days I'd rather not be so smart, or maybe I'd just rather be an atheist.

Sunday's Musings

Today may be a quiet day of introspection that can help you get to the root of an important emotional issue. It isn't about what comes at you from the outside now, for your psychological patterns can override your current experiences. Don't run away and hide; you really don't have to be perfect to make your life run smoother. Try making self-improvement part of your daily routine. Sunday, February 4, 2007
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It was nice to curl up with Hayden yesterday. I missed the collective cooking sisterhood day, but I did get some good Boy time and some time for us both to enjoy the less-clutteredness of our home at the moment. I didn't get out to see the drummer in action, too cold! But I did get a post-performance phone call :) Last night he was willing to brave the cold (well below zero wind chill!!) and brought over lots o'wonderful Sushi & Ginger Ale for the three of us; we watched Waiting for Guffman and Elizabethtown, while Hayden played WoW and watched Like Mike 2. All very sweet and funny. He loves Patches and she's glad for it -- she even scored some kick ass tuna in the deal! We munched on Challa (yes! I'm prepared for french toast!! organic whipping cream, even) and chatted til he couldn't stay awake a moment longer ::vbg::
Shall be a great time when it happens again! and it will probably happen again soon :)

PUSH! HB1267

If any of you feel so inclined... women need to be empowered in this state (we're not terribly far from chattel, 'round here!)

In the Spirit of Karen, please: Go to WomanKind Midwifery and there are loads of details right there on the homepage, with a simple 1 click to write the legislators your very own message! And who cares if you aren't from South Dakota! I think it'd be groovy for them to know that others are watching!

Home Birth is Safe and Beautiful...Every Woman Deserves this Option!

And as it stands now, SD is blatantly saying NO, and that's not cool. This has got to change.