It is too easy to focus solely on external circumstances, for there are important interactions taking place. If, however, you stay only in the outer realms, you may find yourself in an endless conversation that leads nowhere fast. If, on the other hand, you have the courage to look within yourself, you may be able to discover an important truth that can shed clarity on your current relationship issues.
...where the voices in diana's head come to be documented, for our collective entertainment and enlightenment. Laughter encouraged. You're Welcome
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
Sunday, December 17, 2006
Just take the hint, lady!
Processing, processing, processing... wanting all of this to come out in language appropriate and in line with my universal request *&* getting my kvetching out ;)
Loneliness is banished as is the darkness, with the sun's return.
*****
(read: I'm really fucking lonely and it really fucking sucks!)
I went three fucking years without sex. THREE YEARS!! Over the past four years, I've dated the coolest guys; intensely dynamic, amazing humans. Fun, story-inspiring, charming, entertaining men. In my life far too temporarily, even for my fickle Gemini self.
One had this great story about how is ex-girlfriend/business partner wouldn't appreciate our relationship. Another thinks I'm a heathen and he can't get past the Jesus factor and just have me and love every crazy minute of it. One's a drunk. One's too busy. I met one family with 2 kids; I met another with one. They're all scared. One was the best Valentine's Date ever. Vacation was fun with two of them. I got to have sex with a couple of 'em, though I've been naked with three. I had a lot of sex with one of them. Two got to meet Hannah. One got to know her. Three have taken care of her ashes. Movies were first dates with two. Only two I'm sad to see go. Two I'd be glad to see. All I'd be nice to when encountered in public.
I totally understand why (these) men would conjure me out of the universe ::g:: but when I appear, it's like some sick and twisted Weird Science thing where they don't know what to do with this creature they've conjured (and I'll admit it's been equally entertaining in some twisted way -- ah shit it's all because I watched this movie too often?? eek!!).
On some level, as diana, I get that --I rarely know what the hell I'm gonna do with me, either ::g:: -- but roll-the fuck-withit!! I'm somehow bumbling thru understanding it all. Honestly, they've all only got *me* in common so it's in *me* somewhere.
I wanna have a hissy and quit -- and I know that's not the message I want to send.
I'm really not done. I want to believe. I want to have faith.
I want to place my fucking order and get it filled, like really filled and not this half-way heart bullshit I seem to find every fucking where I am! WTF??
That was cathartic. It's nice to have that OUT and not in anymore.
Mission Accomplished. I'm going to bed now.
Rapid City was amazing and I shall blog forthwith- after sleep, that is :)
I'll be working on clarifying my order...
Loneliness is banished as is the darkness, with the sun's return.
*****
(read: I'm really fucking lonely and it really fucking sucks!)
I went three fucking years without sex. THREE YEARS!! Over the past four years, I've dated the coolest guys; intensely dynamic, amazing humans. Fun, story-inspiring, charming, entertaining men. In my life far too temporarily, even for my fickle Gemini self.
One had this great story about how is ex-girlfriend/business partner wouldn't appreciate our relationship. Another thinks I'm a heathen and he can't get past the Jesus factor and just have me and love every crazy minute of it. One's a drunk. One's too busy. I met one family with 2 kids; I met another with one. They're all scared. One was the best Valentine's Date ever. Vacation was fun with two of them. I got to have sex with a couple of 'em, though I've been naked with three. I had a lot of sex with one of them. Two got to meet Hannah. One got to know her. Three have taken care of her ashes. Movies were first dates with two. Only two I'm sad to see go. Two I'd be glad to see. All I'd be nice to when encountered in public.
I totally understand why (these) men would conjure me out of the universe ::g:: but when I appear, it's like some sick and twisted Weird Science thing where they don't know what to do with this creature they've conjured (and I'll admit it's been equally entertaining in some twisted way -- ah shit it's all because I watched this movie too often?? eek!!).
On some level, as diana, I get that --I rarely know what the hell I'm gonna do with me, either ::g:: -- but roll-the fuck-withit!! I'm somehow bumbling thru understanding it all. Honestly, they've all only got *me* in common so it's in *me* somewhere.
I wanna have a hissy and quit -- and I know that's not the message I want to send.
I'm really not done. I want to believe. I want to have faith.
I want to place my fucking order and get it filled, like really filled and not this half-way heart bullshit I seem to find every fucking where I am! WTF??
That was cathartic. It's nice to have that OUT and not in anymore.
Mission Accomplished. I'm going to bed now.
Rapid City was amazing and I shall blog forthwith- after sleep, that is :)
I'll be working on clarifying my order...
Friday, December 15, 2006
Last Night's Memorial Service
I went to dinner before the service with Hayden, Eli and Aunt Donna at Cracker Barrell; I fortified myself with mashed potatoes and razzles! (first they're candy...)
I hesitate to review the service... let's see if I get on a roll...
I got a really cool, big brass bell to ring on Solstice. We got a smaller on at the service when Mitch died, the kids rang it anytime they wanted his full and present Spiritul attention.
It was somehow comforting to be in a room filled with sad people, knowing I'm/we're not alone.
Hayden remembered the space from Hannah's Fat Tuesday Feast; I didn't see him but for a quick minute in the middle of the service (He walked down when her name was called, to collect our family's bell) then he was gone again. I had a bit of snacky-goodness and looked at all the other sad folk. Not one of us is sure how to be, not even with each other, the collected sad mass. There wasn't any laughter, no cheering up, no joy of the sugar rush, no shared tales... sadness and goodies. We didn't stay long. The peanut brittle was good, though.
First, just because it's Christmastime in the Christian Tradition, it's unfair to assume that all who mourn at this time of year are Christian. This time of year is powerful on many levels and to many faiths, many paths, much wisdom, and many stories of inspiration. The Jewish tale of the Macabees and the 8 days of oil -- what faith!! What great role models for the mourning... it's okay to mention them in a xian church, He heard the story every year of his Jewish life at Hannukah. Even a story of Light Renewal, solstice and survival of the Longest Night and the Return of the Sun to the world. whew....
Okay, so open with the story of Lazarus, at least. Give us SAD Jesus, for his own sake and ours!! Let us share tears with the Messiah, he lost his brother-in-law, he knows heartbreak. I'll even sit through comparisons of resurrections and heaven, just to share some godbless-ed grief! [I gotta say, the opening words of empathy for the mustering of joy at this most joyous time of year, then having the first hymn be "Joy to the World"?? I question your forethought!]
My first song would be, "Mary did you know?" (cause I think Jesus is a great role model for accepting what happens in life and I think this is an anthem each new mother should ponder for her very own child and each grownup should think about their own lives and the purpose thereof and remember we all started out as babies who's mommies had no clue of our future and cause Mary was a really sad mommy when her kid died, too... Imagine her first xmas without her baby) Throw in a few more sad people from the bible if need be. Even talk about those women who took care of his body upon his death.
But then talk about his/our freedom from death. That the ultimate enlightenment awaits us (no, not if we believe, because we ARE) on the other side of the veil. Sing then Lord of the Dance
Dance, then, wherever you may be;
I am the Lord of the Dance, said he.
And I’ll lead you all wherever you may be,
And I’ll lead you all in the dance, said he.
I like the whole Life as a Dance metaphor; I also like the idea of Jesus as some kind of afterworld tourguide, leadin' ya round... the song is very "Namaste" in it's final verse, my favorite:
They cut me down and I leapt up high,
I am the life that’ll never, never die;
I’ll live in you if you’ll live in me;
I am the Lord of the Dance, said he.
Your job ain't done just cause you're dead :::bg:::
Be the Lord of Your Dance.
Alright, crying too much over that song, I guess that's where I'd have to end the service.
>ETA: I really would have to end with Spirit of Life, something life affirming and uplifting.
Spirit of life come unto me. Sing in my heart all the stirrings of compassion. Blow in the wind; rise in the sea. Move in the hand giving life the shape of justice. Roots hold me close; Wings set me free. Spirit of Life, come to me, come to me<
What about "Turn, turn, turn" Seems appropriate and church worthy!
I would have a big display in the snacky room where photographs could be displayed and candles lit.
The peanut brittle was good though. I'd keep the peanut brittle lady.
I hesitate to review the service... let's see if I get on a roll...
I got a really cool, big brass bell to ring on Solstice. We got a smaller on at the service when Mitch died, the kids rang it anytime they wanted his full and present Spiritul attention.
It was somehow comforting to be in a room filled with sad people, knowing I'm/we're not alone.
Hayden remembered the space from Hannah's Fat Tuesday Feast; I didn't see him but for a quick minute in the middle of the service (He walked down when her name was called, to collect our family's bell) then he was gone again. I had a bit of snacky-goodness and looked at all the other sad folk. Not one of us is sure how to be, not even with each other, the collected sad mass. There wasn't any laughter, no cheering up, no joy of the sugar rush, no shared tales... sadness and goodies. We didn't stay long. The peanut brittle was good, though.
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~
I think this is why I'm called into the topic of Death. There are 347 ways last night could have been better and I have the energy to talk about at least one or 12. Actually, instead, I would throw out the entire template for last night and do something comforting and uplifting. Ah, okay, maybe it is comforting to have the traditional church service platform... I'll figure that in...First, just because it's Christmastime in the Christian Tradition, it's unfair to assume that all who mourn at this time of year are Christian. This time of year is powerful on many levels and to many faiths, many paths, much wisdom, and many stories of inspiration. The Jewish tale of the Macabees and the 8 days of oil -- what faith!! What great role models for the mourning... it's okay to mention them in a xian church, He heard the story every year of his Jewish life at Hannukah. Even a story of Light Renewal, solstice and survival of the Longest Night and the Return of the Sun to the world. whew....
Okay, so open with the story of Lazarus, at least. Give us SAD Jesus, for his own sake and ours!! Let us share tears with the Messiah, he lost his brother-in-law, he knows heartbreak. I'll even sit through comparisons of resurrections and heaven, just to share some godbless-ed grief! [I gotta say, the opening words of empathy for the mustering of joy at this most joyous time of year, then having the first hymn be "Joy to the World"?? I question your forethought!]
My first song would be, "Mary did you know?" (cause I think Jesus is a great role model for accepting what happens in life and I think this is an anthem each new mother should ponder for her very own child and each grownup should think about their own lives and the purpose thereof and remember we all started out as babies who's mommies had no clue of our future and cause Mary was a really sad mommy when her kid died, too... Imagine her first xmas without her baby) Throw in a few more sad people from the bible if need be. Even talk about those women who took care of his body upon his death.
But then talk about his/our freedom from death. That the ultimate enlightenment awaits us (no, not if we believe, because we ARE) on the other side of the veil. Sing then Lord of the Dance
Dance, then, wherever you may be;
I am the Lord of the Dance, said he.
And I’ll lead you all wherever you may be,
And I’ll lead you all in the dance, said he.
I like the whole Life as a Dance metaphor; I also like the idea of Jesus as some kind of afterworld tourguide, leadin' ya round... the song is very "Namaste" in it's final verse, my favorite:
They cut me down and I leapt up high,
I am the life that’ll never, never die;
I’ll live in you if you’ll live in me;
I am the Lord of the Dance, said he.
Your job ain't done just cause you're dead :::bg:::
Be the Lord of Your Dance.
Alright, crying too much over that song, I guess that's where I'd have to end the service.
>ETA: I really would have to end with Spirit of Life, something life affirming and uplifting.
Spirit of life come unto me. Sing in my heart all the stirrings of compassion. Blow in the wind; rise in the sea. Move in the hand giving life the shape of justice. Roots hold me close; Wings set me free. Spirit of Life, come to me, come to me<
What about "Turn, turn, turn" Seems appropriate and church worthy!
I would have a big display in the snacky room where photographs could be displayed and candles lit.
The peanut brittle was good though. I'd keep the peanut brittle lady.
Thursday, December 14, 2006
AP Television
As I came out of the post office today, a camera man asked if I would speak to the Tim Johnson situation. Thank the stars I have the news on my Google home page!! I had just read about Tim's mystery illness, though nothing today... eek! So I agreed and I spoke to how hard this must be at this time of year for his family and I hope they are able to have the support they need for their new situation. He asked me about Mike Rounds replacing Tim, should he be incapable of returning to work. I told him I'd sure like to see Tom Daschle back in Washington again! hee hee hee
what are you saying?
Gemini: You can usually deal with unexpected changes in your schedule, yet today might test your willingness to roll with the punches. Perhaps you are pulled off course by friends who have fewer responsibilities than you at this time. Playful activities with children might sound like more fun than what you need to do. Whatever distracts you now, make sure that you don't lose the healthy balance in your life.
| Let us live gladly! Quite certainly we are free to do it. Perhaps it is our only freedom, but ours it is, and it is only phenomenally a freedom. 'Living free' is being 'as one is'. Can we not do it now? Indeed can we not-do-it? It is not even a 'doing': it is beyond doing and not-doing. It is being as-we-are. This is the only 'practice'. 'All Else is Bondage; Non-Volitional Living' - Wei Wu Wei |
Courageous Thursday
courageous
adjective possessing or displaying courage; able to face and deal with danger or fear without flinching; "Familiarity with danger makes a brave man braver but less daring"- Herman Melville; "a frank courageous heart...triumphed over pain"- William Wordsworth; "set a courageous example by leading them safely into and out of enemy-held territory" [syn: brave] [ant: cowardly]
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Well-fortified with a Karen Coffee (big ol' Carmel Breve today! catch a glimpse in the picture!) from Black Sheep & some dark chocolate covered coffee beans (I'm sprung!!), I decided to head over to Hannah's Bench to finally take some pictures. (more pix & a video on the bodhicitta blog)
HANNAH LEA JENNER
All Souls Church
Unitarian Universalist
I once had Hannah's bracelet wrapped around the urn's neck... it broke (I've saved the beads for future art work ::g::) and I replaced it with this beautiful goddess hemp wrap. The hemp and most of the blue beads were from a kit I bought for Hannah last summer at the Sidewalk Arts Festival (she has my green beaded one on in our family pictures from last November), which we never got around to doing together. While we were in Corvallis, Hayden found Goddess Nirvana at the downtown bead store!! We bought lots and lots of little goddesses... and couldn't part with many! I've got the most of our stash wrapped around my baby girl. Ultimate sisterhood, I was surrounded by the most amazing female energy while I made it and blessed it and wrapped it; I am reminded each time I see it. Thank you to the women who were with me in body: Mary, Qacei, Donna, Madelyn, Mercedes, Joni & the multitude of other Corvallis Sprites I encountered and to the whole of you who are with me always in Spirit. Today's a good day. I'm ready for some bell ringin, some carol singin, some big ol snot rollin tear sheddin and some Big Christmas Hope Buildin!! I'm still diana. Danggummit, I am. I'm gonna laugh today, I'm glad to be alive. I can feel the good stuff!
I once had Hannah's bracelet wrapped around the urn's neck... it broke (I've saved the beads for future art work ::g::) and I replaced it with this beautiful goddess hemp wrap. The hemp and most of the blue beads were from a kit I bought for Hannah last summer at the Sidewalk Arts Festival (she has my green beaded one on in our family pictures from last November), which we never got around to doing together. While we were in Corvallis, Hayden found Goddess Nirvana at the downtown bead store!! We bought lots and lots of little goddesses... and couldn't part with many! I've got the most of our stash wrapped around my baby girl. Ultimate sisterhood, I was surrounded by the most amazing female energy while I made it and blessed it and wrapped it; I am reminded each time I see it. Thank you to the women who were with me in body: Mary, Qacei, Donna, Madelyn, Mercedes, Joni & the multitude of other Corvallis Sprites I encountered and to the whole of you who are with me always in Spirit. Today's a good day. I'm ready for some bell ringin, some carol singin, some big ol snot rollin tear sheddin and some Big Christmas Hope Buildin!! I'm still diana. Danggummit, I am. I'm gonna laugh today, I'm glad to be alive. I can feel the good stuff!
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
Breathed my way thru Tuesday
Tuesday, December 12, 2006 Every little thing is blown out of proportion today, yet it's not just because you are lost in your fearful fantasies. Others, too, are part of the problem, for they may be making a project more complicated than is needed. Beneath this mental inflation is the reality that you are dealing with large issues. Remember to breathe deeply and think before you act. A cool approach can help you calm down enough to put everything back into a more workable perspective.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I'm gonna go do some artwork while the boy sleeps and the muse calls...
Monday, December 11, 2006
I don't have an accent... it's the lack thereof you're not hearing...
| What American accent do you have? Your Result: The Inland North You may think you speak "Standard English straight out of the dictionary" but when you step away from the Great Lakes you get asked annoying questions like "Are you from Wisconsin?" or "Are you from Chicago?" Chances are you call carbonated drinks "pop." | |
| The Midland | |
| The Northeast | |
| Philadelphia | |
| The South | |
| The West | |
| Boston | |
| North Central | |
| What American accent do you have? Quiz Created on GoToQuiz | |
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