It's official, It's undefined, officially without definition

Tonight's anthem: Wide Sky Life by Amy Steinberg... I heard her voice from Hayden's room as I formulated this blog entry in my seriously overwhelmed and mushy mind.

And what a perfect song...
It's all still there; just that now we're gonna be looking at it, more like watching it, acknowledge it and handle it with the awe and respect it deserves. We're amazing together, there's no disagreement, from coffee to the bed, it all works. We can do this, it'll be easy in many aspects; doing it right is a bit more awkward. So we're busted on all the ways this could play out, all the ways we've already done it, self-sabotage at it's finest. And able to acknowledge that experience in itself would be rewarding; but is it the true possibility for which we're meant? When we bring to the table our whole selves, ready to take the risk of opening this box of gifts and assuming the responsibility for telling the universe YES to this immortal question... isn't that more powerful and exciting than a roll in the hay?
Some days, yeah.
Some days the roll would just be nice.
Can it be powerful and exciting and include a roll in the hay? I think that's a fair compromise!
So I wait... and I seek to be open to the gifts this time will bring to me...
(like the end of my cynicism?)
I realized this is kinda what I get for telling the universe, after David, that I was not going to be patient again; once again, humbled by my own folly. I've long internally acknowledged how much of an ego test this whole thing has been, how much faith I've conjured, how much space for that faith exists in the first place because the voices who would normally be beating me up right now are no longer hogging my head space... The Universe abhors a vacuum and *viola!* faith appears (with lots of patience and really good mantras).
Here I am with my faith. Faith that I deserve good and wonderful things in my life, faith that those things will come on their own schedule and not my own (as much as I'd like to be I'm yet to be omnipotent), faith that I am who I am for a reason, faith that the lesson, the hard learned, begrudged lesson of patience is one well worth the effort of complete and total change of diana. ::::deep breath:::: Faith that I am fully equipped for whatever the Universe has in store for me. Faith that I am more Courageous than Afraid. Faith that Someone out there, somewhere has the Wisdom I need to get through this Life, and Faith that She's on my Team.
Abra la puerta. Open the door. No push, no pull... just open.
There it is, if a definition can exist.
The door's open.

but i won't be around much for the next 3 weeks... I'll be off having a Life, forgetting that I'm all caught up in wanting one here thereby, seeming patient when it's really just absent ::bg::
Okay this just sucks... now White Flag by Dido is playing!! NOT FAIR!!! I know, patience, patience, patience... I think I'm getting the hint!

Of that which we do not speak...

I've got crazy mojo right now. I don't know if it's that cosmic whoo hooo power day, shining directly into my path, or what the hell it is, but something of strong majik is afoot in my Life. There is still this loud, scared part of me that wants to run for the hills 'cause I'm not capable and this is too overwhelming and HUGE... in light of the *actual* events that have already occurred in my universe from which I couldn't run, this manifestation is at once absurd and logical. This is a cusp, a leap of incredible faith is required of me here, faith in myself, outside of my own human limitations, standing in the perspective of my Creator, of my Team, of my Tribe; to BE the diana possible and not the diana expected or the diana allowed or *heaven forbid* the diana hidden.
I'm seeing Joe on my way to Oregon. Once again, I am putting myself in his presence; he will seek my gold and shake my shit off... there's no hiding diana from Joe. Oh, I can fake it with Xmas cards and e-mails, but not my voice and certainly not my presence. His ultimate view of me has been a lofty goal of mine, for 20 freaking years, and I know he will do his damnedest to light a huge nuclear fire under my ass... to send me plunging into Life, knowing that I will remember to swim and swimming in my Life will only make be a better swimmer; hanging out on the beach can't give me that. Again, I've got both kinds of feelings about this... and I'm doing it anyway ::g::
Women are gathering around me. I found a Women's Circle invitation at the health food store, it was divinely timed and shining brightly :) It's Tony's family, Jeanie is immediately my new Sister, we are creating a circle which we (two, anyway) want to continue for the 13 Moon cycles (we're asking others to commit 3 months at a time) and we will embrace our feminine power and manifest Awakening and Remembrance into our Lives. I created a Yahoo group for local Spiritual Women, seeking the same thing... it's really, truly happening! We're gathering on Monday to talk about it and upon my return from OR, we shall have a communal retreat and begin in December with Full Moon Celebrations. Holy Shit! I've actually GOT the wherewithal to do this?! I'm gonna now!
I gathered Courage overnight... or maybe it was all the coffee between 6 & 8 last night ;) Hey, I couldn't help it! It was a sign from the Goddess: the coffees of the day were called Happy Hippie & Kayak!!! So, in celebration of Tony, I had a cup of each! We are the coffee crew, which is again, like every other thing in my Gemini Life, a divine dichotomy. It's there, it's looming, it's ethereal and it's powerful and it's BIG... but we don't talk about it. We just have our coffee with this buzzing, electric, on-fire elephant in the room. And we say goodbye and we're glad we didn't start on fire this time and we wait for the next meeting. The inbetweens are easy, I just pretend it's not really real (cause if I let it be really real then I miss it and want it around always and that brings a whole different set of conversations, for us both), I look around for it a bit when I pop in for a cuppa on my own, but it's not there, so it's really not real and I hold onto that until the next time I'm in his presence, then I just don't look, don't mention, don't bring it out. But it's presence is becoming undeniable, it's almost silly at this point, to NOT have talked about it or given it a name or decided upon a vocabulary to describe it. I use the excuse (and I've even used it with Tony) that I don't want to force anything that is meant to just happen. By the time it becomes forcing something not to happen is just as contrary to flow of the universe, a denial of the gifts offered. In that light, I woke up this morning with thoughts of having the conversation... not the actual conversation about it because I don't want to have any preconceived expectations or a platform to defend, but the conversation we have to have to decide upon talking about it, to agree that it needs, no, demands to be spoken of and let's set a date. With huge trepidation, I dialed the number... he answered, frantic, at work, can't talk... I told him to let me call back and leave a message then. I did, quick, while I still had the juevos... The first draft was a lot of ummm aaaaahhh, eh, ummm, but thanks to cell phones, I could erase and start over and BE this new diana and say, Okay, it's time, we need to talk about what it is we're not talking about. You know what that is and let's do that.

And then I read my mail and viola! today's stars:

General Daily Overview: The Moon in fiery Sagittarius invigorates our lives with enthusiasm and hope. Sweet Venus aligns with impulsive Mars in passionate Scorpio today, exciting our senses and urging us to reach for what we want. Venus remains in the watery domain of Scorpio until mid-November, and during this time we are more attracted to the intensity of romance, rather than the simple enjoyment of pleasure. It's time to deepen the game of love.

Gemini (May 21 - Jun 20) It's time for you to be creative at work, even if this means taking an emotional risk. You might not want to place yourself in a vulnerable position where you can be criticized by others, but you need a fresh perspective in order to grow. You may be asked to commit to a new level of involvement and this could scare you away. Remember, you can still have fun, but you must be open to experiencing greater intensity at the same time.

Told Ya!! What more shall we manifest today???
I was *just* kidding!

Queen of Coins

May sharing abundance be your role.

Deck: Salvador Dali (card art © US Games)

Traditionally, representing the energy of a Queen, this feminine guardian is endowed with enormous good sense and problem solving energy, but she is not particularly entrepreneurial. She loves to advise, encourage, and empower those she gets involved with, studying their problems with them and setting them up to solve them. Traditionally, she was pictured as the Sibyl or Oracle, perhaps a Tarot reader, who made herself available to people in need, no matter what their social class or situation. In modern times, she will be found educating, healing, managing disaster aid programs or a charitable drive of some sort.

In every case, she does not see the benefits that exist in her life as belonging solely to her. She feels the needs of her people and will spend freely of her time, energy, skills, money to see that nobody is left out. For this, and because she likes to work in an atmosphere of beauty, enjoyment and abundance, she is sometimes accused of being extravagant. But she works hard, and she sees no reason to deny herself the rewards of a job well done. Everyone who comes in contact with her feels enriched by her enjoyment in living.

Meez a Meez!!

Song for 34 Weeks of Mourning

Dishwalla

Counting Blue Cars

Must of been mid afternoon
I could tell by how far the child's shadow stretched out and
He walked with a purpose
In his sneakers, down the street
He had, many questions
Like children often do
He said,
Tell me all your thoughts on God
Tell me am I very far?

Must of been late afternoon
On our way the sun broke free of the clouds
We count only blue cars
Skip the cracks, in the street
And ask many questions
Like children often do
We said,
Tell me all your thoughts on God
'Cause I would really like to meet her
And ask her why we're who we are.
Tell me all your thoughts on God,
'Cause I am on my way to see her
So tell me am I very far -
Am I very far now?

Its getting cold picked up the pace
How our shoes make hard noises in this place
Our clothes are stained
We pass many, cross eyed people
And ask many questions
Like children often do

Tell me all your thoughts on God
'Cause I would really like to meet her
And ask her why we're who we are.
Tell me all your thoughts on God
'Cause I am on my way to see her
So tell me am I very far?
Am I very far now?
Am I very far now?
Am I very far now?

MySpace & why I love it!

What a lonely world it was before MySpace! The whole concept snuck into our lives, quietly... I remember sitting down with the kids and figgerin out how to create pages for them, that was last December already... Then we forgot about it. Then Joanna showed Hayden her page, some of our friends discovered it, then some more, and a few more, then I found MySpace Music and began to listen to folks I'd never heard of before and becoming friends with our favorites, then suddenly the desire to decorate and self-express led to the cutting and pasting that made html less daunting and I was neck-deep in MySpace Life!! Then I went to Live and Learn and my friend list *exploded* happily into a huge social network (and my very own fanclub!). Not just folks I know and love, but some I want to know more of and many I've come to love!
It's a great way for me to keep Hannah's stuff up-to-date, she seems to be an incredible ambassador for MySpace :)
I've come across a few political pages I endorse, mostly in response to my friend John's nauseatingly narrow-minded MySpace icons (which I now see he has removed... maybe my incredible logic and brilliant wisdom have enlightened him!?). As I was poking around today, I discovered that Jack Billion, our favorite candidate for Governor, has his own page!! (I saw him today at our local coffee shop - a real local shop, not a corporate coffee place disguised as local - and he's just a sweetheart) I kept poking and found my good friend, SuZan Nolan's page, too!! She's Westriver, running for a seat in the state's House of Reps.
I'll be decorating my page with more vote decals, as we've only got a few very important days left before election day and, bottom line, my consititional rights are on the block and voting is more important than ever (it's always important, but those of us XX carriers have an added responsibility in SD this year!)

Balance

Gemini (May 21 - Jun 20)

Trying to keep your life in balance can be quite a challenge now, for it's difficult to know how to pace yourself. You want to do enough to see progress, but you don't want to wear yourself out before you reach your destination. Take time out to relax along the way and you will be able reach more distant destinations.

What a concept!! Yesterday's advice of letting go seems to aid in the crusade for balance... I need to relax, breathe deeply and enjoy my now. Certainly applicable to every facet of my life.
Hmmmm... how 'bout some eyecandy to help me along :::vbg:::

There's a Gas Problem in this town...

and it's not all the fat people eating fast food, either!!

Being a newsphobe, I'm always a step or two behind the city's excitement [thankfully!], but when I heard the story of this natural gas leak and our city's response... well, I had to share! I can't find a video on YouTube (yet, anyway) but the news story is here with pictures and everything! Short story: a guy pulls up to the intersection, la la la, and suddenly his car is engulfed in flames, there are flames shooting out the drain thingamabobbers on the street and flying manhole covers, holes filled with fire! There's a leak folks! and surprise! it can't be put out! I wish I could say only in Souf'akota, but I don't think so...
This particular story gives rise to two memories: 1) Marty and Hayden's bombs on the manhole cover, the flames actually went down the little holes, pretty cool! and 2) the Northridge Earthquake 1994, when Devonshire Blvd cracked open and water was running all over the streets and there were HUGE flames shooting right up the middle!! eek!
As I'm looking for video coverage of the above story, I discover it's not the first gas explosion of the season!! I can't get audio on this clip, just watch the first few minutes...

and I thought between the cows and the obesity we had issues... now we've got more! Yay us!!

Dear Editor,

I was born in the United States, which makes the Constitution my birthright. Because I live in South Dakota and I happen to be female, my 4th amendment right to privacy doesn't apply? Referred law 6 might talk about termination of pregnancy, but I see it as a termination of the rights set forth by our Constitution. The term abortion should not be used by politicians, it's not their business what goes on in a doctor's office (not even if you're getting a vasectomy or a prescription for Prozac). We're not talking about *just* a medical procedure here folks, we're talking about denying equal rights to over half our population because they happen to carry XX chromosomes instead of XY. Please, please, please protect all of our Consititutional rights for ALL of our citizens by standing up and saying that women ARE guaranteed the same protection and vote NO on 6.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I just submitted it, I'll let ya know if it's published...

yeah, that, again!

Wednesday, October 18th, 2006
Gemini (May 21 - Jun 20)

You might not want to undertake any sort of physical labor today, for you could easily overdo it, leaving yourself exhausted. Instead of being so careful with your feelings, try letting go of them without attachment to any specific outcome. This frees the spirit to feel the nurturing energy all around.

In the middle of my Pity Party...

this horoscope comes today:
You might learn something today that sounds bad at first, but proves beneficial in the long run. It's best not to react with your own fears, for that could just make it worse. Instead, listen carefully to what you are told and then do your best to integrate this new information into your perspective. Flexibility may not come easily now, yet it's exactly what you need.
***************************
Flex, Flex, Flex, Flex... we'll see...