Three weeks from today is the 10th anniversary of becoming a mommy... well, Christine did say I always was a mommy, that was just the day I got my own kid ::bg::
Oh, how much my life has changed with the emergence of that child from my body... my first true inkling of the strength I possess.
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Hannah went to Christine first. I so desperately wanted to get pregnant immediately after our wedding and it just didn't happen as quickly as my plans outlined... then I got the fateful call: Christine was pregnant -- and very unhappily so. She was on her last days in a horrific marriage and was figuring out how to handle the two wonderful children she already had, as a single mom. I was livid, while trying to console my ungrateful best friend, how could the Universe do this to me? to us?? The next weeks were filled with teary conversations as both Christine and I came to terms with the reality of our lives -- her with three, me with none. Eventually, our conversations turned to acceptance, even joyful acceptance of the Now. [face it, being sad and resentful didn't help my conception attempts!] Then Christmas happened! I was innocently walking through the living room, there was Gloria Estefan singing Silent Night; normally not a big deal, a really pretty song... 'cept this version's video contains footage of worldwide death and desperation. I started to cry, left the room and continued to cry for a long time after that... I finally settled in the bathroom (it was getting embarrassing by then!) and spied the pregnancy test, the one I bought to test the month before but couldn't take the double disappointment of the test and my moon time, and I thought what the hell and I peed on the stick, crying all the while... It immediately turned pink and my tears became those of JOY, JOY, JOY!!! I would get to be pregnant with my bestest friend, what could be better than that?? After telling Mitch and those who were there, I called Christine... she was already crying when she answered the phone... she was in the middle of a miscarriage that had begun that day. Alas, we were not going to be pregnant together, the baby was to be mine, though ours still.
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Here's the picture she drew to explain... It hung in Hannah's space, always!
(click the picture to enlarge)
Oh, how much my life has changed with the emergence of that child from my body... my first true inkling of the strength I possess.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hannah went to Christine first. I so desperately wanted to get pregnant immediately after our wedding and it just didn't happen as quickly as my plans outlined... then I got the fateful call: Christine was pregnant -- and very unhappily so. She was on her last days in a horrific marriage and was figuring out how to handle the two wonderful children she already had, as a single mom. I was livid, while trying to console my ungrateful best friend, how could the Universe do this to me? to us?? The next weeks were filled with teary conversations as both Christine and I came to terms with the reality of our lives -- her with three, me with none. Eventually, our conversations turned to acceptance, even joyful acceptance of the Now. [face it, being sad and resentful didn't help my conception attempts!] Then Christmas happened! I was innocently walking through the living room, there was Gloria Estefan singing Silent Night; normally not a big deal, a really pretty song... 'cept this version's video contains footage of worldwide death and desperation. I started to cry, left the room and continued to cry for a long time after that... I finally settled in the bathroom (it was getting embarrassing by then!) and spied the pregnancy test, the one I bought to test the month before but couldn't take the double disappointment of the test and my moon time, and I thought what the hell and I peed on the stick, crying all the while... It immediately turned pink and my tears became those of JOY, JOY, JOY!!! I would get to be pregnant with my bestest friend, what could be better than that?? After telling Mitch and those who were there, I called Christine... she was already crying when she answered the phone... she was in the middle of a miscarriage that had begun that day. Alas, we were not going to be pregnant together, the baby was to be mine, though ours still.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Here's the picture she drew to explain... It hung in Hannah's space, always!
(click the picture to enlarge)
