Monday, June 19, 2006

Today's Funny

thanks Aunt Karna!! Perfect timing ::bg::
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The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.
The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again, and it won again.
The local paper read:

PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.

The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the pastor not to enter the donkey in another race. The next day, the local paper headline read:

BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS.

This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid of the donkey. The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent. The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day:

NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.

The Bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10. The next day the paper read:

NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.

This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild. The next day the headlines read:

NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.

Alas, the Bishop was buried the next day.

MORAL OF THE STORY?
Being concerned about public opinion can bring you much grief and misery and even shorten your life. So, be yourself and enjoy life ... stop worrying about everyone else's ass and you'll live longer and be a lot happier!

All Hail...

the Divine Spark in diana! God appearing in human form, as ME, a fallible, questioning, glowing, learning, journeying, fledgling being -- Just like Joshua, the best recorded and most frequently mis-quoted human to proclaim his Godliness. Much like Joshua, I, too, want to share my human experience with others and give Life context in the larger scope of my Soul's mission. I only make sense in context, I don't know what it's like for other humans, I only know being diana; and that I'm still figgerin out. In the context of God's sense of humor, I make the most sense, both to myself and to others ::vbg::
Thank the Mother I've got some great coffee to make it thru today -- it's even Zenmomma Coffee, it'll give me energy AND calm!! I got
my Sunnyside Up!
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Today's ramblings were brought on by several recent experiences:
I spent the weekend under the buckle of the bible belt - Oklahoma. Jeremy's family is wonderful; sweet, loving, very close knit family... And they give all credit for their lives to Jesus. Not a one of them understands what I do, that Jesus was not leading us to His Self, but to Our Self, to the God that lives inside each of Us individually, to take responsibility as Children of God, to do what it is God intends for us, to Be Who God intends Us to Be.
I cried on the way home... there is a small but loud part of me that really does want to be just like everyone else: praising Jesus, making him responsible for my life, using him as justification for ignoring, dishonoring and smacking kids... The Light I carry diminishes when I think that way, that behavior does not Honor the Purpose for which I was created; my Light shines when I am authentic diana... Yeah, it means I'm an oddball Freak among Jesus Freaks; yeah, it means sometimes I threaten what people accept as Truth; yeah, it means I can't gather up a congregation of folks who agree with me on every single thought that rolls thru my brain; YEAH, it means I walk my very Own Path, forging through the Great Unknown called Life... If God don't mind (and why should s/he? S/He made me this way!) then why should any mere mortal?? I'm glad the larger part of me understands how important it is to Be Me, especially in the face of resistance. I've got a lot to learn...
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In response to my post Hayden & The Good News Freak Show, I received this:
Posted anonymously:
I will pray for you Diana, I feel sad that you have such a hard heart towards the truth.
Your comments are unbelieveable...no wonder people are speechless.

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Thank you, Anonymous! I can use all the prayers you have to offer! I'm not sure where you read that my heart is hardened, I will re-read my blog and fix any hint of that being written, as it is NOT an accurate representation of my heart. In fact, the concept Bodhicitta, which I embrace, means *open or awakening heart.* It is an idea of one's heart being open to ALL of life, to ALL experiences the Universe has to offer us - not as a judge, but as an observer; an observer of this human experience, as One Who IS Created in the Image of the Creator. This is the heart I carry, it is the heart I am learning to share with the world, it is the heart GOD has given to me. If you knew me, you would know this about me. If you're interested in revealing yourself to me and having a conversation, I am absolutely ready, willing and able. Thanks for your concerns and again, for your prayers. May the most of your prayers be those of thanksgiving.
Much love, Namaste! ~diana
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I do not intend to offend, however, I do intend to challenge how you think, what you cling to and what you blindly accept... I do expect others to do the same for me. Even if your words and deeds do not change what I believe or do, know that they live on in my mind and do influence me. Unchallenged Convictions aren't really Convictions, now are they??
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{I really gotta figure out how to put comments on my own ding-dang blog}
anyway, not everyone is silent on the topic, just so ya know:
so, Jesus came to visit, huh? wow, people are so locked into their beliefs, I am so glad I have a spiritual practice that embraces "temples, mosques and ashrams"... i am still shocked when judgment happens as I struggle to learn not to judge...it's so hard to know how to interpret Jeremy's family and the responder to your blog, except, I guess, to love, period, Love is all there is, Love is God and you have always typified that trait of God, so know you are on the correct path to yourself and it's more challenging to follow this path where we are all in charge of ourselves instead of blindly following the exact dictates of a specific dogma or religion, we are free to take what we want from how ever Spirit reveals Itself, In Jesus Freaks, in little kids, in a health challenges, in explosive orgasm (yes, even that)...and it's harder because we answer to the God within us, with more complex personal obligations and integrity,,, being Christian seem easy by comparison!!! if only we could say "the devil made me do it"...instead... we answer to US!!!

Love to you and your journey...

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Happy birthday Mitchard!

Today you would be 38... I guess that means my birthday is officially over for this year! :'(
I'm so glad you were born and lived a life that led you to me... I'm so grateful for the gifts of your love and our children. Though I miss Hannah horribly, I know in my heart you are taking good care of her [you selfish bastard!]. Happy Father's Day, too. Thanks for being such a great dad, on both sides of the veil. Thank you, too, for the gifts I've received since your death... Though they're hard to think of, there are many, too many to count. Mostly I appreciate the opportunity to show myself how mighty is my spirit, how indomitable I truly am, how much love I still have to give and how much I'm worthy of accepting.
My niece, Brittany, is visiting tonight. She called Jeremy "a different kind of Mitch." He was greatly moved by the comment; I think it's a great compliment, one he's honored to receive. Your kind of love is one worth asking for again... I'm glad to have it in my life.
A special toast for you tonite...

Sunday, June 11, 2006

Hayden & the Good News Freak Show

Regular ol' park day last Tuesday, or so I thought...
Chattin' my fool head off with the homeschoolers, when a young man comes by with propaganda, ya know, the kind that makes my teeth grind, my ears buzz and head spin, the "God who is only Jesus will only love your sinful horrible self if you just..." Bullshit propaganda, *now on DVD*! The other ladies were quietly accepting his gift and I openly asked that he keep his information as I was not interested nor Christian.
He asked one question, "What is your problem with Jesus?"
"I have no problem with Jesus, it's the un-Christ-like things people do in his name I have issue with"
"Then you should take this and read what He says"
"Oh, I know his message, and I know how horribly misinterpreted he's been, No Thank You"
This guy gives up and walks away [no doubt praying for my heathen soul], and up runs my son, so excited!! A new friend! And all this cool Jesus merchandise!! Look! A keychain with the colors to help you remember: Red for Jesus' blood, Black for Sin, White for Cleanliness, Yellow for streets of Gold in Heaven, Green for Growing; OH! And a color coordinated crystal enhanced pin-on smiley face (Jesus loves Wal-mart, too?!? my first thought anyway - EEK!!) AND tomorrow at 1:30 there's gonna be free food and we should come back and play with Josh some more and listen to the music and get more STUFF!! [wasn't there a VeggieTales episode about Stuff? StuffMart was the enemy!! but I 'spose they think the Jesus stuff gets a pass]
1:30 the next afternoon finds me where? Oh yeah, back at the park... This time I brought Eli with me (and he happened to be wearing a YRUU tee with a huge chalice on the back and someone wrote: 'Eli is a flaming liberal' underneath, hee hee hee). Wouldn't ya know it, that very same evangelical dude is walking across the grass as I witness Hayden's reunion with Josh, and he recognizes me & stops to talk. He begins by apologizing if he offended yesterday... how contrite. We do talk and I give him the 20 minute rundown of my last 6 years or so, especially the last 5 months... Then, just when he's good and mushed up and speechless, I lecture him on the grace of God! How there is no way God would EVER EVER turn her back on us (okay, I used his), regardless of our human condition. He talks about John 12 (which I still have to look up) where, during the story of Lazarus, there is a description of Jesus' anger at God for taking his friend's life (where I did NOT comment about the brother-in-law status). I'm sure he wasn't quite prepared for my response -- See! Jesus is human, he's showing us that God is God and He can take a bit of human anger without having to take it personally, God did NOT stop loving Jesus because he became angry and frustrated with the universe God was guiding him through. Just as God never, ever, ever will turn his back on us for our human frailty. He sputtered and sprayed and began to talk about the fall and before he could bash womanhood, **ding** I was done. I had to find my boy. He played with Josh, who seemed nice enough but certainly not interested in talking to me, mother of his "friend" but I was fine with them as long as I could see &/or hear what was going on... They returned to the other end of the park, where the "party" was going on, with the tchotchkes and the candy and the food and the music. Ah yea, the music, [canned music with live guitar enhancement] La La La, God loves you, He gave us Jesus who died for you, you filthy horrible lying cheating no-good rotten sinner, and He will love you when you sin only if you're really sorry and tell Him so, if only Jesus lives in your heart, all your sin and troubles will be washed away by the blood of the Lamb and you can know you will live with God forever, but not if there's sin in your heart, if you don't want God then Jesus don't want you either ~~~~~SCRAAATCH~~~~~ okay, it's time to get the holy fuck outta this park!! I cried when I told Hayden that God doesn't stop loving us, she didn't make junk, she made humans and she knows exactly who we are and what we mean and much better than mommy she can understand where we come from and that we're not horrible even if we think and do horrible things sometimes, she can see way deep down inside and see the Love that created us in the first place and she can help us remember that we are all created out of Love, out of whole, complete and perfect Love and I'm so sorry that some people think that God stops loving them for being human, I hope that someday everyone can feel the constant of Universal Love and know that their LIFE has purpose and worth and Heaven isn't something over there, it's right here, right now!
`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-
:::ring, ring::: Hey Jesus! Guess what they're saying about you at McKennan Park! Want me to go kick their asses with ya?? Yeah, we should, they're totally dissin' your dad and pretending your mom wasn't even all that special! They're using your name to scare little kids! C'mon, it'll be fun!! What? You're really gonna take it? Not worth it?! Karma?!! Fine, I'll pick up the beer and we'll watch the hockey game instead...

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

The totem pole at the coolest store in all of Los Angeles!! It's called Hidden Treasures and it's in the most diana-like places of all -- Topanga Canyon. I really like the parent/child creature -- I imagine it's Mitch's message to me that he's taking good care of our baby girl.  Posted by Picasa
Nothing in the world like onion rings, a few shed tears and an old friend with long enough arms to take a picture of the two of us -- on my birthday!! Thanks Dave!  Posted by Picasa
Christine, diana & Dave -- Fat & Happy after birthday sushi!! It is amazingly delicious when it doesn't have to sit on a plane all the way to South Dakota!!  Posted by Picasa
Damn! 1/2 of me looks GREAT in this picture!! The other beauties are Jojo and Christine... Posted by Picasa
Bestest Friends, this picture really does capture us & our undying love for each other! (and the back fat... but we won't talk about it!) Posted by Picasa

Sunday, May 28, 2006

diana

I'm too tired to modify the instructions for blog placement, I'm sure you know what to do... cut and paste yadda yadda yadda. Please post your answers to the comment page or e-mail them to me... I'd love to know more about those of you who are reading my blog ::bg::
1. Full name?
Diana Lea (Lambert) Jenner

2. Were you named after anyone?
Mom says my godmother Linda Diane Beasley and Diana Ross; I think Lea came from Worcestershire Sauce ::g::

3. Are you married?
I'm widowed; currently entangled in a crazy love-fest

4. When did you last cry?
Sunday morning, I talked to Mitch's gramma about Mitch and Hannah... I really, really, really want to bawl my fool head off right now!! I will next cry when I can curl up on Jeremy's lap and soak his shirtfront -- hopefully by noon tomorrow!!

5. Do you like your handwriting?
I'm a girl in this *one* way... I like mine :)

6. What is your favorite lunch?
really good cheese pizza (preferably from Jersey)

7. Where is your favorite place to eat lunch out?
Sushi Masa -- yep, sushi in SD!

8. Names and ages of kids:
The ones I've given birth to? Hannah, forevermore 9.5 and Hayden currently 7.75; they count among many practice kids I had in the years before them

9. If you were another person would you be friends with you?
Hell yeah, but I'm the first to admit it'd be tough!

10. Do you have a journal?
Many of them! Some paper and some electronic

11. Do you use sarcasm a lot?
I do, but my son doesn't appreciate it so I may have to tone it down

12. Would you bungee jump?
Only in New Zealand where it was invented, though I probably won't go there for the earthquakes and volcanoes (can you swim to Australia from there??)

13. What is your favorite cereal?
There used to be a natural raisin bran with almonds...

14. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off?
If I wore tie shoes, I might untie them :)

15. Do you think that you are strong?
I am stronger than I know, moment to moment I amaze myself

16. What is your favorite ice cream?
Baskin-Robbins Peanutbutter Chocolate, but we don't have that locally, so I settle for any version Rocky Road
- hormone free = hive free
17. Favorite TV Show?
Any form of Law & Order, 24, Big Love, Sopranos

18. Red or Pink?
Red

19. What is your least favorite thing about yourself?
My latest tendency to overreact emotionally to any/every stimulus... Physically? I'm too loose all over for my liking

20. Who do you miss most?
Hannah Lea Jenner

21. Do you want everyone you send this to send it back?
YES! I want to know who reads this!

22. What color pants and shoes are you wearing? cool green yoga pants and no shoes!
24. What are you listening to right now?
Jason B. singing Adam Ant's Goody Two Shoes while putting together a grill

25. If you were a crayon, what color would you be?
I'd be one of those chunky square crayons from kindergarten, the red/yellow/blue combo

26. Last person you got an e-mail from?
Birthday wishes from my redheaded compadre, Lori

**What Happened to #27??***
28. The first thing you notice about the opposite sex?
eyes

29. Do you like the person who sent this to you?
YES! She is my bestest friend in the whole universe...

30. Favorite Drink?
a well-home-made bloody mary, but I'll settle for Crown Royal and Coke

31. Favorite Sport to Watch?
American Football

32. Hair Color?
a new pretty shade of red - Thanks 'netta!!

33. Eye Color?
green

34. Do you wear contacts?
and suffocate my precious eyeballs?? (didja know there's thermasol a.k.a. mercury in some contact lens solutions?!)Hell no!! I love my glasses they're funky and fun!

35. Favorite Food?
Cheese Tortellini Spezia - worth the hives!

36. Scary Movies or Happy Endings?
Definitely, Happy endings

37. Last movie you watched?
Elizabethtown w/Hayden

38. Favorite Day of the Year:
My birthday (the whole 18 days!)

39. Summer or winter?
in SD: Summer; in CA: Winter

40. Hugs or Kisses?
they each serve their purposes... and I love them both!

41. Favorite dessert?
Godiva Raspberry Truffles, oooh, I think I'll have one now :-D

42. Who Is Most Likely To Respond?
an Amy or two ;)

43. Least likely to respond?
I don't know, cause I don't know who you are

44. What's On Your Mouse Pad?
currently using a laptop, at home I use a roller ball

45. What's On Your Screensaver?
a cool one from gogratitude.com

46. What Did You Watch on TV last night?
no TV for many, too too too many days

47. Rolling Stones or Beatles?
Beatles, but more Stones are still living... hmmmm

48. What's the furthest you've been from home?
from SD: Rosarito Beach Mexico; from CA: Niagara Falls Canada