I wanted to post about last night's soiree & the transformation I felt within me throughout the process... Then Ren posted this amazing list on FaceBook. So I'm gonna do it here, as a form for my runaway train thought process this morning :)1. I've come to realize that my chest-size...
...is exactly the size of my chest. M'boobies? They took good care of my babies and I shall be eternally grateful and worshipful ♥
2. I've come to realize that my job(s)...
...as a mama is the most important one in the universe. And I honor those of us who take this job seriously, joyfully :D
3. I've come to realize that when I'm driving...
...I am triggered to have a cigarette; just like my dad.
4. I've come to realize that I need....
...both chaos and stillness; passion and apathy; rain and sunshine; here and there; to BE in the moment without judgment or attachment, that's what I really need.
5. I've come to realize that I have lost...
...only that which I fail to look past to see the gifts.
6. I've come to realize that I hate it when...
...the word hate is used in such cavalier form. I'm careful with that term in my own life, in my own head. I only hate over cooked beef liver, really. Everything else can be dealt with. Except maybe cottage cheese, hate that too.
7. I've come to realize that if I'm drunk...
...there must be unschoolers around! Sheesh, you guys are worse than high school. Wait, I didn't have peer pressure in high school because I didn't hang with my peers... so Thanks Guys. I think. Or (to be fair) I'm on my way to my 20th high school reunion too soon after my daughter's death, oh yeah I was F.U.B.A.R. Baby!
8. I've come to realize that money...
...is made new every single day. People are not. I won't neglect something sacred for something as common as money (thanks Grampa George!); nor will I invest an ounce more energy into money, than I have to, not with thought, word nor deed.
9. I've come to realize that certain people...
...have their minds fused closed with fear. I know that to certain people I represent several ultimate fears, someday I'll be okay with that. (almost deleted that line, then decided to leave it...)
10. I've come to realize that I'll always …
...be diana.
11. I've come to realize that my sibling(s)...
...are who they are. Their experiences have not been mine; nor mine, theirs. Someday...
12. I've come to realize that my mom...
...does the best she can with what she's got. And she's pretty dang entertaining, as long as I remember Q-TIP.
13. I've come to realize that my cell phone...
...ROCKS!
14. I've come to realize that when I woke up this morning...
...I'm still in Oregon. I had a housefull of people last night & it was fun for everyone. Wow. Straight up, Wow!
15. I've come to realize that last night before I went to sleep... .
..I had a nice wine, hoopin, socializin, dog-proud buzz going on.
16. I've come to realize that right now I am thinking...
...how much I love thinking about last night's gathering. It's a really big freaking deal. People didn't come into my house when I was a kid. Ever. Well, there was that one time Becky forced her way in but I'd rather really pretend she didn't get back to her parents car, raving about what a complete pigsty our house was, refusing to be shushed by her older sister who didn't remain oblivious to my tears; except it did happen. That little girl? She got healed last night.
17. I've come to realize that my dad...
...1)is the luckiest man in the world; 2) must be a favored one by Gods; 3) has been more blessed by my simple act of forgiveness than by anything else done to him; 4) is the Poster Child for Human Evolution ♥
18. I've come to realize that when I get on Facebook...
...I plug into my peeps, the miles melt away and I am gathering in a sacred (though sometimes nasty, nasty) place ;)
19. I've come to realize that today...
...my friends have an opportunity for generosity that didn't exist 48 hours ago; my parents will be here in a few hours; is yet another gift of Life, another opportunity to BE ♥
20. I've come to realize that tonight...
...I will revel in being someone's child, Hayden will revel in being someone's grandchild, all will be right with the world if even for a moment...
21. I've come to realize that tomorrow...
...is a gift I shalll appreciate when it's time to open it!
22. I've come to realize that I really want to...
...show the world who I really am, stripped of fears of judgment, to BE diana, whole, complete, perfect and whacked!
23. I've come to realize that the person who is most likely to repost this is...
...Frank, it's what he does :D
24. I've come to realize that life...
...really is a sacred gift, willing to be just what you make of it!
25. I've come to realize that this weekend…
...I learned how better to breathe and realize I am my child's mother, not my mother's child.
26. I've realized the best music to listen to when I am upset...
...can either be music that keeps me there, working it out; or distracting and uplifting when I'm not feeling it inside... Elton's pretty good about having an all-around useful catalogue!
27. I've come to realize that my friends...
...are more amazing than they give themselves credit for. I guess it's my job to remind them!
28. I've come to realize that this year...
...might just be the best one ever!
29. I've come to realize that my ex...
...is worthy of my love and affection. Even from afar.
30. I've come to realize that maybe I should...
...avoid any further shoulds in my life.
31. I've come to realize that I love...
...being me. The whole fucked up ballowax that is diana.
32. I've come to realize that I don't understand...
...being me. The whole fucked up ballowax that is diana. And that's jus'fine with me!
33. I've come to realize my past...
does not define me yet is an important part of my story and who I am today.
34. I've come to realize that parties...
...are my way of telling you that I want you here, intensely present in my present!
35. I've come to realize that I'm totally terrified...
...of ever becoming totally terrified. I've got fears, honey, but they know their place! They're small, niggling fears, like living to be an old woman without anyone who-knew-me-when.
36. I've come to realize that my life...
...is as delicious as I can stand!
4 comments:
love it! When I read the blog title I actually thought I was getting a kick in the ass about the book. lol maybe it was and you didn't even know it.:)
It is delicious isn't it? Even when I say "yuck!" :) Love you!
Sounds like we missed something special last night? Beautiful post D. See you soon.
You will always have someone who knew you when. Every one knows you and every one respects and loves you or they don't get you and in that case, Screw them! They are up tight pain in the asses and they are not worth the wasted effort it takes to think about. What is that saying, "It's not about you, don't take it personally.!" Love and miss you sometimes so much it hurts. You always make me laugh.
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