Introspective, one might call it. Quiet with myself. Knitting is good for that. I'm not often without my own loudness. It's a nice break.
Though it comes with costs.
I'm not terrifically social. I'd like to be. It seems I need an extra kick in the pants if you want me to leave the house. I don't even really want to be on the phone. Maybe related to the lack of reception in the most of my apartment, maybe it's just me. Yeah, not having sex either. Not even by myself. Strange, even for me.
I only juggle one big issue at a time. This cycle it's finances. I'm open and honest with myself about what *is* and I'm becoming clear in my creation of what is next. This is a big step. I opened all mail from the banks for two weeks. I breathed through that conditioned angst, visualized the transfer of monies from savings to checking. Viola! Notice of a $1 fee for account transfer! I knew accepting the responsibility for big monthly rent was gonna seriously crimp our meager budget. I knew committing to sustaining us with home cooking would help said budget. Both are true. Both are not stagnant. We'd have *more* food if I paid less for the mac & cheese. We'd have stockpiles of food we don't want to eat if I paid less for our food. It makes far more sense to buy what we're actually gonna eat; that means it mostly runs out at some point. Consumables, they're consumed and I find myself surprised. And sad. I move over to the pride of providing my family with food they actually like. Sharing food is a good thing. I'm learning that the trick to fast food is your money sneaks away just a few dollars at a time. It pains me to think that a pound of organic butter is two or three happy meals. I breathe. Knowing the butter, and all it shall create with & for us, is a far better choice for my family. I'm healing. I'm realizing the universe will indeed provide for us. I actually wrote down our July budget. No one started on fire or anything. Probably not even an ulcer's worth of stomach acid. It works. I knew that already. Why did I fear looking at it? Nope, we're not gonna have $200 for fireworks; we will get fireworks. Nope, I'm not gonna go crazy with wool yarn; I will get wool yarn. We're gonna have a full and fun July. We'll have good food and good company. Abundant. Amen.
Though it comes with costs.
I'm not terrifically social. I'd like to be. It seems I need an extra kick in the pants if you want me to leave the house. I don't even really want to be on the phone. Maybe related to the lack of reception in the most of my apartment, maybe it's just me. Yeah, not having sex either. Not even by myself. Strange, even for me.
I only juggle one big issue at a time. This cycle it's finances. I'm open and honest with myself about what *is* and I'm becoming clear in my creation of what is next. This is a big step. I opened all mail from the banks for two weeks. I breathed through that conditioned angst, visualized the transfer of monies from savings to checking. Viola! Notice of a $1 fee for account transfer! I knew accepting the responsibility for big monthly rent was gonna seriously crimp our meager budget. I knew committing to sustaining us with home cooking would help said budget. Both are true. Both are not stagnant. We'd have *more* food if I paid less for the mac & cheese. We'd have stockpiles of food we don't want to eat if I paid less for our food. It makes far more sense to buy what we're actually gonna eat; that means it mostly runs out at some point. Consumables, they're consumed and I find myself surprised. And sad. I move over to the pride of providing my family with food they actually like. Sharing food is a good thing. I'm learning that the trick to fast food is your money sneaks away just a few dollars at a time. It pains me to think that a pound of organic butter is two or three happy meals. I breathe. Knowing the butter, and all it shall create with & for us, is a far better choice for my family. I'm healing. I'm realizing the universe will indeed provide for us. I actually wrote down our July budget. No one started on fire or anything. Probably not even an ulcer's worth of stomach acid. It works. I knew that already. Why did I fear looking at it? Nope, we're not gonna have $200 for fireworks; we will get fireworks. Nope, I'm not gonna go crazy with wool yarn; I will get wool yarn. We're gonna have a full and fun July. We'll have good food and good company. Abundant. Amen.
1 comment:
Voluntary Simplicity.
It's a hard path, but it sounds like you're doing great on the path towards it!
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