Tonight's anthem: Wide Sky Life by Amy Steinberg... I heard her voice from Hayden's room as I formulated this blog entry in my seriously overwhelmed and mushy mind.
And what a perfect song...
It's all still there; just that now we're gonna be looking at it, more like watching it, acknowledge it and handle it with the awe and respect it deserves. We're amazing together, there's no disagreement, from coffee to the bed, it all works. We can do this, it'll be easy in many aspects; doing it right is a bit more awkward. So we're busted on all the ways this could play out, all the ways we've already done it, self-sabotage at it's finest. And able to acknowledge that experience in itself would be rewarding; but is it the true possibility for which we're meant? When we bring to the table our whole selves, ready to take the risk of opening this box of gifts and assuming the responsibility for telling the universe YES to this immortal question... isn't that more powerful and exciting than a roll in the hay?
Some days, yeah.
Some days the roll would just be nice.
Can it be powerful and exciting and include a roll in the hay? I think that's a fair compromise!
So I wait... and I seek to be open to the gifts this time will bring to me...
(like the end of my cynicism?)
I realized this is kinda what I get for telling the universe, after David, that I was not going to be patient again; once again, humbled by my own folly. I've long internally acknowledged how much of an ego test this whole thing has been, how much faith I've conjured, how much space for that faith exists in the first place because the voices who would normally be beating me up right now are no longer hogging my head space... The Universe abhors a vacuum and *viola!* faith appears (with lots of patience and really good mantras).
Here I am with my faith. Faith that I deserve good and wonderful things in my life, faith that those things will come on their own schedule and not my own (as much as I'd like to be I'm yet to be omnipotent), faith that I am who I am for a reason, faith that the lesson, the hard learned, begrudged lesson of patience is one well worth the effort of complete and total change of diana. ::::deep breath:::: Faith that I am fully equipped for whatever the Universe has in store for me. Faith that I am more Courageous than Afraid. Faith that Someone out there, somewhere has the Wisdom I need to get through this Life, and Faith that She's on my Team.
Abra la puerta. Open the door. No push, no pull... just open.
There it is, if a definition can exist.
The door's open.
but i won't be around much for the next 3 weeks... I'll be off having a Life, forgetting that I'm all caught up in wanting one here thereby, seeming patient when it's really just absent ::bg::
Okay this just sucks... now White Flag by Dido is playing!! NOT FAIR!!! I know, patience, patience, patience... I think I'm getting the hint!
It's all still there; just that now we're gonna be looking at it, more like watching it, acknowledge it and handle it with the awe and respect it deserves. We're amazing together, there's no disagreement, from coffee to the bed, it all works. We can do this, it'll be easy in many aspects; doing it right is a bit more awkward. So we're busted on all the ways this could play out, all the ways we've already done it, self-sabotage at it's finest. And able to acknowledge that experience in itself would be rewarding; but is it the true possibility for which we're meant? When we bring to the table our whole selves, ready to take the risk of opening this box of gifts and assuming the responsibility for telling the universe YES to this immortal question... isn't that more powerful and exciting than a roll in the hay?
Some days, yeah.
Some days the roll would just be nice.
Can it be powerful and exciting and include a roll in the hay? I think that's a fair compromise!
So I wait... and I seek to be open to the gifts this time will bring to me...
(like the end of my cynicism?)
I realized this is kinda what I get for telling the universe, after David, that I was not going to be patient again; once again, humbled by my own folly. I've long internally acknowledged how much of an ego test this whole thing has been, how much faith I've conjured, how much space for that faith exists in the first place because the voices who would normally be beating me up right now are no longer hogging my head space... The Universe abhors a vacuum and *viola!* faith appears (with lots of patience and really good mantras).
Here I am with my faith. Faith that I deserve good and wonderful things in my life, faith that those things will come on their own schedule and not my own (as much as I'd like to be I'm yet to be omnipotent), faith that I am who I am for a reason, faith that the lesson, the hard learned, begrudged lesson of patience is one well worth the effort of complete and total change of diana. ::::deep breath:::: Faith that I am fully equipped for whatever the Universe has in store for me. Faith that I am more Courageous than Afraid. Faith that Someone out there, somewhere has the Wisdom I need to get through this Life, and Faith that She's on my Team.
Abra la puerta. Open the door. No push, no pull... just open.
There it is, if a definition can exist.
The door's open.
but i won't be around much for the next 3 weeks... I'll be off having a Life, forgetting that I'm all caught up in wanting one here thereby, seeming patient when it's really just absent ::bg::
Okay this just sucks... now White Flag by Dido is playing!! NOT FAIR!!! I know, patience, patience, patience... I think I'm getting the hint!
1 comment:
Enjoy every minute of it my dear, you DO deserve the best!!:)
Love ya...
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