The Death Day Celebration was today. We went to Chuck E. Cheese and did the same things we'd done for the last three celebrations. Something was different this year. Maybe it's my sensitivity about relating things back to Mitch's life, it's beginning to feel too much, too forced, too distant. Our previous parties had a sense of "gee it's sad he's not here" (which I think I heavily influenced) where today I felt "it's fun to be here, now, together" My children live in the now; our life is fun NOW, when it matters. Nothing's missing, no gaping hole, no chasm of love lost; this here's our life and it'sa good'n. Today represents validation for allowing my children to have their own experiences, separate completely from mine, to be honored as they are. Maybe next year I'll go on vacation alone or light a candle and pray by myself; I'll do with the kids whatever they request. My prayers have changed, too, from prayers of sorrow to prayers of gratitude... My life is good today. The lessons of the past have shown me I am who I've become by living thru what I must, I am honored to have been challenged so mightily and to maintain an even firmer grasp on who diana is and, more importantly, how diana is in this big crazy life of mine.
To the Universe:
For all that has come to pass and for all that is yet to be,
I do say thanks! and I do say YES!
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