Real Life Update

I realize the absence of blogging is the absence of documenting me. Somewhere along the path, shame overwhelmed my story. I became embarrassed by Past Self. To avoid further shame for Future Self, I shut up. 

Not that I'm truly ready, willing, or capable of bare naked honesty, I am ready to head that direction. (Cue the screaming choir of regret & pain) I cannot survive lugging around the baggage that no longer serves my highest purpose. 

I wish I'd better documented the most of this year, I would have a beautiful story (could that I read it detached from its bittersweet reality) of self care, true love, stretched boundaries, communication, lies, broken hearts, tears, gnashing teeth, fear, shame, embarrassment, strength, courage, resilience, and the yoga. Perhaps it's better kept in my memory. See? Fear. Right there. Gotcha. Shaking with it. Can't face it if I can't see it, eh? 

Rough year, wild year. I am learning, learning, learning; between bouts of shutting down for the whole hugeness of the lessons. I wish I could clearly communicate what I need, to myself even! Herein lies my biggest obstacle: I asked clearly, I communicated clearly, created space, and received (yay!), then it was gone. Poof. All an illusion. Bringing back a quite rabid rendition of You're Not Worthy (who had been presumed dead & gone for months). Conquering/quieting/befriending/repurposing that choir may be the biggest challenge of my diana career. 

So I start with food. Gluten free for a couple of months (with few instances of contamination), dairy free for more than a month. Eating high protein everything I can find/afford.